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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 or 3 kids

42 replies

LG101 · 10/11/2020 13:25

Contemplating another and most definitely final child. I’m leaning more towards a 3rd and OH isnt.

Hit me with your 2/3 kid stories. Honestly right now I’m so tired with a teething child I’m more tempted to stick at 2 but worried I will regret it later in life.

There’s the whole car / holiday / over population debates too!

Any reasons pro and con a third?

OP posts:

DipSwimSwoosh · 10/11/2020 19:22

3 is amazing. Always someone to play with. Little team.

pontypridd · 10/11/2020 19:32

I think when they’re little - 3

When they’re older - 2

oblada · 10/11/2020 19:34

4 kids here and I love it personally. And that's 'despite' our youngest having been born with a potentially complex (but not life limiting) condition. I wouldn't have it any other way. I've never had any real issues with sleepless nights as I co-slept and breastfed from birth with child 2 and 3. I cannot breastfeed number 4 directly (i express)but we co-sleep and she sleeps v well so on that I can't complain. They're all great with each other too and my oldest (now 9) helps a lot with the younger ones. Yes it costs more money but we can afford it.
So for me it would really only be financial/practical.

RandomMess · 10/11/2020 19:35

3rd had silent reflux, only slept 6 hours out of 24, professionals told me she had a touch of colic.

Broke me, went back to work for respite.

So traumatic I had a 4th to erase the horror of the experience...

happyascarrie · 10/11/2020 19:35

I've got 3, TTC and we're planning on having more after. Navigating transport and pushing a pushchair and wrangling a toddler and 5 year old is quite a balancing act but totally worth it. They'll always have someone to play with and watching them learn from each other is fascinating.
Maybe wait some time (if you can) your OH might need some time to adjust to the idea, let him mull it over while you start scrolling through mothercare...

peakotter · 10/11/2020 19:40

I had a third. A bit of a gap, partly because dc2 is a challenging child. It has actually been the best thing for him, the toddler is the one person who he actually puts before himself. It’s taught him kindness and compassion, and worked out really well so far.

We also spent a lot of time in hospital with dc3 so it wasn’t plain sailing. I don’t think that potential problems would be a good reason for not having a third. For me it was easier than the first or second having problems, because dc1&2 could play together, and also I was more relaxed third time round.

That said, I’m worn out still changing nappies after 10 years, and a bored with all the cute toddler games. It’s also really frustrating trying to play games or do anything constructive with the older ones when the toddler trashes everything.

BluebellsGreenbells · 10/11/2020 19:41

I had twins after a single one so very busy and time flies. We were like a little party wherever we went.

They’re expensive and extra worry but they’ve all turned out fairly well adjusted.

Nahmfor · 10/11/2020 19:42

I have one, I want another but I doubt I couldn't manage with 3 lol but if I had a bigger house and more patience I would

Original poster

LG101 · 10/11/2020 19:43

@Aquamarine1029 neither me or my husband are set one way or another on the third. He’s leaning more towards no but it’s not off the table. We haven’t decided and neither of us can decide if we want a 3rd. Guess we might naturally not have a third as we are messing around trying to decide 🤣

OP posts:

Waveysnail · 10/11/2020 19:45

I have 3. All my friends said stick with 2 bit I had 3 closish togther. Hoesntly I dont have the energy to be the best parent I could be. I would have been much better parent with 2 kids. Perhaps if bigger age gaps would have been better. I just feel pulled all ways

boomboom1234 · 10/11/2020 19:45

I always wanted four but will stick at two. I was a middle child and I could never make my second a middle as she just feels like my baby and destined to be my youngest. Sounds weird but the dynamic just works and I couldn't change it now for her.

Doublechins · 10/11/2020 19:51

I would say 3. I actually have 4 but 3 definitely seemed like the right amount for me. I won't send number 4 back though 🤣

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 10/11/2020 19:55

I regret so much not having a third child - it's my greatest regret because of the circumstances I based that decision on.
My ex-husband and father to my two sons said if we went ahead and had a third child I was "on my own."
But what I didn't realise was that I was on my own already and I was doing a fabulous job.
Then we split up and he moved to a different continent and I met someone who would have loved a heap of children but couldn't have them and took on my children as their own and I was (bordering on) too old by then to have another.
We always think of that third child that we could have had - even though we are so grateful and appreciative of the two we do have and love them to bits.
But... if I could turn the clock back there would be a third. I was a fool to listen to man who was only interested in his own agenda.

Bettyboop82 · 10/11/2020 20:36

I’ve got three under 3.5 and it’s insane. So much harder than 2... I’m not the parent I want to be at the minute as you physically cannot meet everyone’s needs and run a home and stay sane. Hopefully it will get easier as they get older (youngest is only 3 months!)

Ilikeviognier · 10/11/2020 20:43

I’m sticking at 2. Couldn’t handle a third, less time and money to spend on/with each child. Plus I don’t fancy pregnancy or the sleepless nights again. But I had a 16 month age gap, so maybe that’s a factor!
There’s also the environment to consider.

Good luck whatever you decide!

AlphaJura · 11/11/2020 20:18

@oblada I can identify with what you've said about having more 'despite' one with a disability. We discovered 2 years ago that ds, 14 has got Asperger's syndrome. He's always been a bit challenging, but it was only really when he got to secondary school it was flagged up and he was diagnosed. It's been good for him to have siblings, especially the youngest. Like yours, she is the only person he is always 100% alright with. It's brought out a really mature, caring and responsible side to him. Even though it's challenging with one with different needs, I think having siblings will stand him in good stead for later in life. If i just had him, I think he'd get too used to having everything his way. He hates change, but sometimes he has to be helped to accept it and see things from others points of view, even though he finds it difficult.

CPHB2021 · 01/11/2021 01:52

[quote LG101]@Aquamarine1029 neither me or my husband are set one way or another on the third. He’s leaning more towards no but it’s not off the table. We haven’t decided and neither of us can decide if we want a 3rd. Guess we might naturally not have a third as we are messing around trying to decide 🤣[/quote]
Did you go on to have a third, OP?

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