How to face work

[FineBoneChina]

I had a horrible conversation with my boss yesterday, during which I was more or less told to start looking for a different job.

Not an easy conversation to have for either of us, and she was as honest and tactful as it is possible to be but of course I found it very upsetting to hear and was shocked.

I really don't know where to go from here. I have been on a performance review and if I want to continue in my role this can be escalated to a more formal stage, if I want. My gut feeling is that I should be good at what I do, I am more than capable of the work involved in the job but for some reason I keep making mistakes and it doesn't seem to be improving.

The conversation happened at the end of my shift yesterday and I don't know how to face going in today as if everything is normal.

I couldn't really articulate myself well in the meeting as I was holding back tears and didn't know what to say.

I don't exactly know what I'm looking for on here but I'm embarrassed and feel like a failure so not ready to share with anyone in real life atm.

I’m really sorry that you find yourself where you are, but I would revisit the dispensing protocol and follow it to the letter every single time, saying it out loud if you have to.

It shouldn’t be possible to make error if you follow the algorithm. (And if it is then the procedure is wrong and not you).

Other thoughts. Are you under pressure to take shortcuts? This wouldn’t be acceptable if so.
Darker thought. Are there any errors in the prescription, that you are being held accountable by default? Not uncommon IME, I’m afraid.
Third thought. It sounds like you’ve had a tough year and the menopause is a bitch. Do what you can to look after you.

OP, do you think you have got yourself into a bit of a vicious circle of ‘concentrating on concentrating’? It sounds very stressful.

To an extent, yes. I used to work well under pressure, I've held down other jobs long-term and received wonderful feedback in all but one (where they treated us appallingly and I wasn't the only hard worker who's face didn't fit).

My current pharmacist/ manager is great - very diplomatic and understanding though I am picking up on her (justified) frustration and that of course makes me more anxious and therefore more likely to make mistakes.

Previous manager was unsupportive, put me on a performance review while I was still a trainee and was always on my case so I feel I started off with my confidence being shot and this has just snowballed over time into something that is very difficult to reverse.

I don't want to lose my job, but equally don't want to be managed out and rendered unemployable afterwards. After some of the advice I'm now question8ng ifnI should quit while I'm 'ahead'

I don't want to lose my job, but equally don't want to be managed out and rendered unemployable afterwards. After some of the advice I'm now questioning if I should quit while I'm 'ahead'

It would be better in the long run, it will look a LOT better on a CV and will not harm future references.

That said, it must be awful to do a job you enjoy, and are capable of, but are struggling with other things.

You are good with organisation and numbers, you should be snapped up for other work that maybe has less of an impact if you do make a mistake? (I'm sorry, I meant that a lot more gently than I wrote it)

I feel for you. Good luck.

I can relate to this to an extent, OP. I think if you have anxiety problems and particularly if you’re something of a perfectionist, once you find yourself making the odd mistake it’s easy you beat yourself up about it, get yourself into a state where you expect to make more and become so anxious you do silly things you wouldn’t otherwise. It’s a vicious cycle. If you take meds for anxiety, perhaps you need to up the dosage so you’re generally calmer and more confident of your capabilities?

Thanks all for your kind replies and advice. About to head in now so wish me luck.

Good luck for today OP.

Sometimes a job just isn't always the right fit. I've just left a job I enjoyed but hated in equal measure. I was the same, when I joined it was a bad atmosphere and the supervisor did nothing to make me feel welcome. I wasn't given any training and was left to wade through everything by myself. I felt like I never really settled after that. The office was very busy with people always talking and phones constantly ringing. I found it difficult to concentrate in those circumstances. My colleagues were very jaded (been in the job a long time, had seen lots of people leave while they stayed etc) and every day turned into a moaning session. I also then had the phone ringing all day with the public being unpleasant towards me and the other agency we were meant to be working with being unpleasant. It also didn't help that I have had a lot of stuff going on at home too. WFH in the summer was lovely and it made me realise a lot of what I didn't like about work was stuff I couldn't change.

I've just joined a different department in the same organisation. The difference is amazing. The environment is a lot less pressure. I have been given training and welcomed into the team. My colleagues are enthusiastic. I'm doing similar work, but I am much happier.

I'm sad I did have to leave. But sometimes a job just is a bad fit and it's not that you are doing anything wrong.

For when you get chance to read this, How’s it going today OP?

Wishing you luck today OP. Sounds really stressful at the moment.
Just a thought...I m on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication and have days when I feel in a fog and have memory problems.
I m requesting a review of the dose as maybe it's wrong or another medication would help?

Op just to add my voice to others saying they've been there. I had a professional job which I just couldn't do, for some reason I just didn't fit, didn't speak the same language. Made silly mistakes, failed to be proactive when I should have been. Felt overwhelmed, cried lots.
I left before my performance was formally addressed and got a very similar job in a different organisation. I've now been there for almost yen years, happy, settled, performing well, been promoted and receive lots of praise for how I do things. Sometimes it's just a bad fit and you just need a fresh start.

The started on a wrong foot thing stuck out to me. I bet you will be fine doing same job elsewhere. I’d look for another job. Manager sounds nice to have given a heads up so that you can leave now without any issues. If you get embroiled in disciplinary or get a formal warning etc it will be much harder to move on. Good luck.

Hi OP. I would suggest getting assessed for dyslexia by an occupational psychologist. Most people think dyslexia = can't read or write, but that's not often the case.

I completed a PhD before I found out that I had dyslexia and dyspraxia and your "silly mistakes" sound very similar to my own experiences before I got assessed.

How did it go today, OP?

Went in today and it was as if nothing had happened. I'm not sure what I was expecting but it just felt off.

I don't know where to go from here. On one hand I don't want to give up a job I love and am good at in every other respect, on the other I don't want things to escalate and end up struggling to move on to another job because I've been dismissed or look like a troublemaker.

I've never been in this position before and have always left jobs on good terms because it was time for something else, never because of major issues or being asked to leave.

I’m so sorry this happened OP.
Can you ask for a second meeting with your boss where you say you know you have room to improve and you’re keen to give it one last shot? Ask for her support? And plan another meeting in a fortnight’s time to review?
In the meantime, visit the doctor, and put a procedure in place where you double check your work religiously.

Also- have you tried mindfulness? Not for everyone but it can be great to ground you, drive out the ‘noise’ in your head and let you focus in the moment. It should help you be more present and aid focus.
Give it a go. I feel for you. I’ve been in a similar state underperforming at work when I was stressed and feeling underconfident. I took time out and changed career to escape and start again, but the difficulty followed me because I was my own worst enemy.
Try and sort it with the support of your boss if you can xx

@FineBoneChina
Glad today went ok

Do you have a cross-check system?

Most bet practices also run our own dispensaries and our system is generally

1. Vet prescribes drug
2. Label printed with all relevant/legal info (human equivalent would be accept script with all relevant drug info)
3. Drug selected, and labelled
4. Drug selection is cross checked by a second colleague who signs the 'checked by' section of the label/paperwork
5. Drug handed over to patient/client.

Step 4 is important in catching dispensing errors - it's there because we all make those errors - human nature.
It's why checklists are essential in industries where consequences are significant - flight safety, surgery, dispensing etc.

Could you somewhat reduce your hours, and use the space to focus on wellbeing? Depression can be fatiguing, and can lead to poor concentration. You might do better if you have more fresh air, more exercise, less time cooped up under bright lights of a pharmacy.

Is there a possibility you can apply for a pharmacy job in a different pharmacy? Simply having a change of scene might help.

If your errors are from selecting the wrong drugs rather than labelling errors you could try the 'tick' method, thats what our pharmacists make us do when its a busy time.
Physically tick on the box -
Drug name
Form
Strength
Quantity
But actually check against rx and not just assume you've selected the right drug.

To echo a pp, a good friend got mid way through a related degree before learning she had dyspraxia. She would not be able to do your job but found it a relief to understand why she found certain things so difficult.

Ah OP, it's clear you are passionate about your job, but it seems their concerns are also valid. Are there any factors that seem to affect it more? Within the pharmacy are there any tasks you might be more suited to? Your options I guess are to have a very honest chat with your boss, lay your cards on the table and implore them to do the same; or to keep an eye out. It does sound like you might not be suited to it, but I'm sure there are loads of jobs you would be.

I feel really sorry for you. I don't gave any answers I'm afraid. But sympathy, if that helps?

Could you somewhat reduce your hours, and use the space to focus on wellbeing? Depression can be fatiguing, and can lead to poor concentration.

I have requested that my working pattern be altered slightly to help me balance work and home and hopefully reduce stress and fatigue but all of my suggestions/ requests have been denied.

At present I am the only staff member who does late finishes on every shift and works every weekend. Boss has said it is not possible for this to change. This was not the shift pattern I agreed to when I took on the full time contract and I was told it was temporary but it has now remained this way for nearly a year.

I sympathise OP. I think you should resign, take a break, review your medication and do the same job elsewhere. As you say, you are more anxious there because you feel under scrutiny. This is the way to do it.
If you have been on ADs /anti-anxiety medication for a long time, is there any chance you could ask your GP about weaning off in order to lift any brain fog? I worked in an office with someone on ADs/anti-anxiety meds. She wanted to do a good job, was a bright, well-educated person, but made constant silly errors and I think it was how her brain fogged when she concentrated. For example, she wouldn't turn over a page to see the rest of the order, because it didn't occur to her that it might continue on the other side. She would place orders for products and leave our old delivery address on the order and it would go to an office we left 3 years earlier (Amazon). She would make travel plans for the 20th December for our director, when the meeting was the 20th November. There was some kind of disconnect between what she saw on paper and screen and what she did.
Please don't beat yourself up about this. You do a very pressurised and worthwhile job. You just need to take a mental break, see if you can tweak or change your meds and start fresh. You sound lovely!

OMG! Your last post is shocking! You do all the late finishes and all the weekends. That is not fair. There should be a rotation and everyone taking a fair share. Also one of your previous mistakes giving out a 40g tube instead of a 30g. That isn't a big mistake it might cost the pharmacy but the patient will be pleased. It isn't a dangerous mistake. Try to take some time out for yourself. Your pharmacy team may not be as nice as you think.

I’ve been in this situation and I think it’s worth considering leaving. I left by ‘mutual agreement’ (I think that’s what it’s called) and that means you weren’t fired but you also didn’t quit (which can affect benefits). ACAS might have more info. Because I took the initiative and decided to leave, it meant I had some flexibility over my leave date etc.

Thinking of you today OP.

Your worth is not in a job.

Took me a long time to realise that.

Xxx