To ask DD to wait an extra week for her "unbirthday"

[pinkksugarmouse]

DD will be 18 on the 29th of November. For the past couple of years her main home has been her Dad's mostly because its closer to her college. And there are dogs there. She loves dogs.

She wants to celebrate her birthday with me and her Step Dad next weekend. As she points out correctly once she is 18 moving between two parent households is no longer OK during lockdown because she will legally be an adult.

I have put a lot of thought into her gifts and want to see her open them but I would rather she had her card to open at her Dad's and gifts from him and then open her gifts here after lockdown which is less than a week after her birthday. Because she actually will have turned 18.

She is emotionally and socially challenged due to Aspergers and spends the minimum of time in my company when she stays over so her wanting to celebrate is a positive thing but she still won't have had her 18th. I haven't said anything to her yet.
What would you do? Please try and be sensitive I have mental health issues. ❤️
AIBU if I ask her to wait?

Take her to dinner when the restaurants too.

I can’t see any ripping to shreds like other threads. I think you might be reading too much into things.

Looks like you have things sorted.

I can see you already said you would celebrate early. But to add to that, you should totally, if possible, do a meal out at some point AFTER her birthday so long as lockdown finishes. Because you can never have too many birthday celebrations :)

And then also do the same when its your birthday as well!!!

Oh goodness, I am going to go against everyone else and say that it's your choice when you give the gifts to her!! She's a lucky girl to be receiving gifts that have been thoughtfully chosen and I believe that it is your choice as to when you give them to her.

Christ 🙄🙄

If she has Asperger chances are she is considered as vulnerable so can still move between both houses. In Scotland that’s the case anyway. She only turns 18 once let her decide how too celebrate it.

@pinkksugarmouse

DOES ANYONE READ THE BLOODY POSTS? 🙄

I have decided thank you. I am not a horrifically selfish mother. I was just unsure. DD herself said she would have preferred to do it afterwards because the Christmas tree would be up.

We will be celebrating early. Period. Why the heck I thought asking a question on here would be a good idea I don't know. NEVER AGAIN. My mistake. This is definitely a place where people like to rip others to shreds.

Thank you to those who were genuinely helpful. I will not be engaging in this thread anymore.

Wow! I thought this was quite a tame thread.

Just because people don’t leap to agree with you doesn’t mean they’re ripping you to shreds. Get a grip!

My mother tried to control all my birthdays until I was married and then she felt that my DH came before her. It was a nightmare; I could never do the right thing - go and see her or not go and see her (I was either only interested in getting a present apparently, or I was being spiteful and ignoring her ). It got to the point where I dreaded my birthday coming round each year.

With my kids I let them decide what they want to do - it's their birthday and I fit in around them.

You are being really unreasonable. It is her birthday and it really makes no difference if she opens her things before. You would also then be breaching the regs

@yetanothernamitynamechange

I can see you already said you would celebrate early. But to add to that, you should totally, if possible, do a meal out at some point AFTER her birthday so long as lockdown finishes. Because you can never have too many birthday celebrations :)

Ah I've seen the update too now and agree this is a nice idea

On the subject of support bubbles, this is the info on the gov.uk website:

*If you’re in a single-adult household
You can form a support bubble with another household of any size that is not part of a support bubble with anyone else if you:

live by yourself – even if carers visit you to provide support
are a single adult living with children who were under 18 on 12 June 2020
If you live with other adults, including if your carer or carers live with you
You can form a support bubble with one single-adult household who are not part of a support bubble with anyone else.

If you share custody of your child with someone you do not live with
If you’re a single-adult household, you can form a support bubble with another household other than the one that includes your child’s other parent.

If you’re not a single adult household, you can form a support bubble with a single-adult household other than the one that includes your child’s other parent.*

I still cant make sense of it, but it does remind me of this