Difficult relationship with my mother - asking for opinions

[Aida1983]

I always had a rocky relationship with my mother. In particular, she's always been obsessed with my weight (this caused some significant anorexia/binge eating during my teens that lasted a few years).

I moved far away from her (while still maintaining contact) and it got much easier and our relationship improved significantly.

Due to childcare, she moved close to me and DP and she started commenting again on my weight.

Although I have not had any food problems since moving out, her comments still sting and are hurtful. Moving far away is not an option as we really need childcare. Telling her to mind her own business won't solve it as she will just keep doing it.

What would you advice to maintain my mental health?

My dm is the same. I would say it's about her own insecurities and she projects. Once your DC get beyond about age 4, she'll criticise them as well. That's when I started restricting contact with mine. Somehow I could tolerate abuse directed towards me but I'm damned if my Dd will have her confidence ruined by her. I wouldn't leave dd alone with her after she started on her hair, her skin, her clothes. Nothing will cure it unfortunately. So she stays at arms length with brief visits. Rethink your finances or job so that you don't have to rely on her for childcare.

What an awful situation you are in.

It doesn't matter though whether your mum means it or not. The pattern throughout your life has shown she will not change. I notice you do not wish her to 'suffer immensely' whereas you have already suffered immensely because of her.

These difficulties she brings are back in your life. This will be an awful experience for your children, even by the effect she is having on you.

You need to re-establish the distance and boundaries and find alternative childcare.