Anyone else married to a miserable sod?

[Letsgetgoing888]

Just finished working a whole weekend on a hospital ward.

Get home yesterday, dh in a bad mood. Not a mind reader so no idea why. When I asked he said he was fine (he wasn’t). Would normally make me a drink, ask me about my day etc.. but didn’t actually speak at all.

When I asked how his day was he snapped he was knackered as he’d not stopped doing jobs. (These are the normal daily jobs like getting dc’s lunches and emptying dishwasher etc).

I’d already made dinner before I went to work (slow cooker), and washed the school uniforms and done the food shop, and cleaned the bathrooms. Dh had managed to take himself for 2 runs and sit and watch the football, plus taken ds out for bike ride.

I got the feeling dh was either hacked off that his team lost, or is bored by having to do the jobs that I do every day (as well as work), and was hacked off I didn’t do them.

Anyone else have this? AIBU to be p’d off?

Ps he’s still in a grump today....still no idea why, and he says he’s fine.

Has the emotional maturity of a 2 year old...

I'm an RN and work in a hospital and I never come home to this situation-sometimes DH is fed up with our DS's behavior but no not what you described. Frequently I'll urge my DH not to do too much and to relax.

YANBU. I couldn’t live with someone with unpredictable moods. Or who at least wouldn’t explain why they were in a bad mood.

Erm not me but my DH is DEFINITELY married to a grump, that’s me.
I wonder why he puts up with me really.

So is he just sulking or would he actually speak to you, you know, like a grown up?

Sounds like my life!! My partner sulks all of the time, I find Monday to Fridays unbearable as his moods tend to be worse mid-week. We both work full time but I am currently working from home so 80% of the housework falls to me.

He is normally in a good mood on the weekend as he isn't at work and will more often than not have a couple of drinks. He is all smiles and romantic and I get lots of kisses and cuddles adding in lots of communication which is a stark contrast to how he behaves in the week.

Monday comes and he is distant barely says 2 words to me and when he does he just moans about how tired he is how much he hates his life etc. No kisses and cuddles at all and certainly no communication at all. If I do push him for a conversation it generally ends with me getting my head bitten off and him asking "why have always got problems? Why am I never happy"!!

I'm looking forward to him returning from work today 🤦‍♀️

No, you are not unreasonable.

You don’t say how old you are. I’m going to break this to you gently.

The older men get, the more likely they are to be grumpy. Not all of them go like that. Just > 80%. Our role as women becomes that of comfort merchant and cheerleader.

I too am married to a miserable git. So is almost every one of my female friends. There are some exceptions, but not many.

My husband waits for me to wake up then starts ranting about how his colleagues don’t recognise his genius and the company that employs him is a car crash and he has to work with amateurs blah blah. He has been known to walk into the bathroom whilst I am taking a shower, for round 2.

I allow a fifteen minute moan window each day, two on special occasions.

I find that men over 40 tend to resent having to do stuff around the house, despite knowing that they have to, and store up bile about that as well. I assume that’s what your husband is doing. My husband, and those of my friends, have been known to openly say, “why can’t I just do what I want all the time?” with a straight face.

The only response is to smile and say very nice dear, then laugh about it with your friends. As women have done for centuries.

“now you know what it’s like to be me”

He is def pouting because he’s had to do what he sees as women’s work

Not exactly the same, but mine is a whiner. Anything he disagrees with either results in whining like a teenager or straight out ranting. Especially when it involves housework, 'it's the weekend, why should I have to do chhhhooorrreeess'.

Sounds like you have a sulker though, which is worse. Dont have much advice that wouldn't make me sound like a hypocrite, but I know my relationship won't last forever with this sort of behaviour. Depends if you're willing to put up with it and will he listen if you say you've had enough.

YANBU that sounds horrid. And I actually think, that regular behaviour like that, which is not down to events that might cause upset or actual depression, is emotionally abusive. The number of women I know who are ground down by the constant mardy behaviour of their men - usually related to not wanting to pull their weight (but all smiles when they want a shag). I wouldn’t tolerate it. And it’s not all men - my DH isn’t like this AT ALL. My dad isn’t either, nor one of my BIL. The other one is though, and I hate him for it.

I personally feel that is no way to live and I broke up with an ex for similar behaviour.

He would put on a front for other people; yet was a moody sod around me. I told him I was sick of only getting the worst of him.

Is there a chance he's depressed OP? A new job might help?

I was married to a miserable sod.

WAS

Sorry disagree with pp, there is another response to ' why can't I just do what I want' besides " very nice dear" and smiling sweetly... Pointing out youre not his slave and kicking his lazy arse out if he doesn't buck up his ideas. That comment is a throwback to the bloody 50s. No wonder progress is so slow.

@madcow88

Sounds like my life!! My partner sulks all of the time, I find Monday to Fridays unbearable as his moods tend to be worse mid-week. We both work full time but I am currently working from home so 80% of the housework falls to me.

He is normally in a good mood on the weekend as he isn't at work and will more often than not have a couple of drinks. He is all smiles and romantic and I get lots of kisses and cuddles adding in lots of communication which is a stark contrast to how he behaves in the week.

Monday comes and he is distant barely says 2 words to me and when he does he just moans about how tired he is how much he hates his life etc. No kisses and cuddles at all and certainly no communication at all. If I do push him for a conversation it generally ends with me getting my head bitten off and him asking "why have always got problems? Why am I never happy"!!

I'm looking forward to him returning from work today 🤦‍♀️

Just because you work from home, that doesn't mean you have to do more housework than him. You're working, so he can do his share, grumps or not.

But having read all of your post, why stay with him. I left an abusive ex, who induldged in this kind of treatment, and I won't stand for it from any new partner in future.

Yeah... my husband.
Poor bastard has to put up with me.

Sorry disagree with pp, there is another response to ' why can't I just do what I want' besides " very nice dear" and smiling sweetly... Pointing out youre not his slave and kicking his lazy arse out if he doesn't buck up his ideas. That comment is a throwback to the bloody 50s. No wonder progress is so slow.

Don’t worry, I still make him pull his weight. I just laugh about it.

I was married to a miserable sod. All he had to do was go to work - I did literally everything else (4 kids, and I worked btw). He was constantly depressed. We had no sex life for years and years. So now I’m divorcing and to be quite honest with you, I couldn’t be happier. I have a boyfriend. I will never move in with him or marry him. This is the key to a happy life 😁!

@Iamthewombat you're a better person than me. I find it hard to find mens entitledness funny. It really grinds my gears. I think I may have to adopt your attitude.

@Iamthewombat has got it right, I think eventually 99.9% of men become grumpy old sods eventually. Surprisingly thought they can become charming and delightful around attractive young women.
I just tune out when DH is moaning about something.

Yep.
My "D"H and I are currently living in 2 halves of the house.
We converse by text and still bloody row all the time.

I appear to be married to an emotionally draining grumpy fun sponge. I can't bear it and am seriously considering options.

It's victor Meldrew personified and I'm only 40, it's exhausting to be around.

I was 😀
Now married to someone completely different. All this " grumpy old men" shit is just enabling them.

@helloxhristmas

I appear to be married to an emotionally draining grumpy fun sponge. I can't bear it and am seriously considering options.

It's victor Meldrew personified and I'm only 40, it's exhausting to be around.

This is exactly it. It's exhausting and wears you down.

If there's depression involved then it's down to him to take steps to change that, whether that be look for new work/see a GP - whatever. But if he believes that this behaviour is acceptable then I'd be leaving OP.

Dp and I have separated last week for mainly this reason. I couldn't face another lockdown with it 24/7 so I've sent him to his mums.

@helloxhristmas

I appear to be married to an emotionally draining grumpy fun sponge. I can't bear it and am seriously considering options.

It's victor Meldrew personified and I'm only 40, it's exhausting to be around.

Mine happily compares himself to Ben Harper from My Family and thinks it makes him a bit of a 'character'. One lottery win, that's all it would take...

Not in general but mine can sometimes be like this. There’s no problem (IMO) with just being narked off for no reason, but just be honest about it! Just tell me you’re in a bad mood for no reason and you’ll be out of it soon, sorry for being an arse.