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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else married to a miserable sod?

46 replies

Letsgetgoing888 · 09/11/2020 11:56

Just finished working a whole weekend on a hospital ward.

Get home yesterday, dh in a bad mood. Not a mind reader so no idea why. When I asked he said he was fine (he wasn’t). Would normally make me a drink, ask me about my day etc.. but didn’t actually speak at all.

When I asked how his day was he snapped he was knackered as he’d not stopped doing jobs. (These are the normal daily jobs like getting dc’s lunches and emptying dishwasher etc).

I’d already made dinner before I went to work (slow cooker), and washed the school uniforms and done the food shop, and cleaned the bathrooms. Dh had managed to take himself for 2 runs and sit and watch the football, plus taken ds out for bike ride.

I got the feeling dh was either hacked off that his team lost, or is bored by having to do the jobs that I do every day (as well as work), and was hacked off I didn’t do them.

Anyone else have this? AIBU to be p’d off?

OP posts:
Kolsch · 09/11/2020 15:27

Fortunately my husband is generally a happy soul.
On the occasions that he goes into meldrew mode, I find a sharp 'shut the fuck up', works wonders.
I wouldn't tolerate him following me round the house to continue his grumping, especially in the bathroom.
If he wants to whine and moan, he can take the dog out and whinge to him.

Iamthewombat · 09/11/2020 15:39

The advantage of being in the shower whilst on he receiving end of moaning is that you can put your head under the jet and genuinely let it all wash over you.

Wearywithteens · 09/11/2020 15:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

peaceanddove · 09/11/2020 16:06

My DH appears to be developing this annoying tendency. When he starts, I just deliver a short, sharp 'You're sounding like a grumpy old guy. Stop it' and it seems to work. It's very, very similar to training a puppy or a toddler. Simple, straight forward instructions, repeated on a loop until they learn the correct behaviour.

Scottishmum1984 · 09/11/2020 16:07

Ye sounds like a dick. I divorced one of them...

Scottishmum1984 · 09/11/2020 16:07

*he not ye

WorksTheDinerAllDay · 09/11/2020 16:13

Yeah I've got one of these. I'm stuck because I've got two young kids and have only recently gone back to work. However, I now have a secure job and I'm just biding my time. It's going to take a few years but I'll get out one day.

Like a PP said, my DH puts on a front for everyone else and me and the kids get the grumpy sod the rest of the time. It's shit.

celticmissey · 09/11/2020 16:22

Yeah I was, binned my grumpy sod , I'm much happier nowSmile

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 09/11/2020 16:24

I started a thread earlier today about my grumpy fun sponge husband. Have had to ban him from talking about Covid as we don't agree on anything and he constantly moans about rule breakers. I don't approve of them but I can't take any more whinging about it - it achieves nothing.

To the PP who said she has left her grumpy sod of a husband and now has a boyfriend who she never intends to marry or live with - please do remember that. I'm on husband number 2 and wish I'd left him to it in his own house.

doctorboo · 09/11/2020 16:37

Mine has just said I moaned about how he put the food shop away at noon (he put all the meat in the freezer, inc tonight’s dinner, and pushed the salad leaves to the back of the fridge so they’re frosty).
And that it’s not his fault I’m strange about how it’s all put away and most importantly - I didn’t say thank you(!!)
He has suggested I leave a list of what goes where if I don’t like how he does it...

I don’t want to have to add defrosting dinner before I cook after work after I’ve collected the kids from school as I work near to them

What the heck is going on?!

billy1966 · 09/11/2020 16:56

I think unfortunately this is true for a lot of men as they get older.

Fortunately I'm not married to someone like that but if he turns into that in his 60's I'll let him know and spend more time doing my own thing.

I do know quite a number of women in their 70's who say it is very important to them that they get out of the house and meet friends for lunch, golf etc.

They find their husbands like to be minded, fussed over, only fed plain boring meals.

These women want to eat more interesting food and fine their husbands a bit dull, even though they love them and rared family's with them.

Sounds sad to me.

I certainly wouldn't be entertaining your husband OP.

He sounds lazy and petulant.
Perhaps if you left more for him to do, it would be better.

You are doing too much.

Ignore him.Flowers

grassisjeweled · 09/11/2020 17:02

Me too. I'm passed giving a shit tbh

Paris14eme · 09/11/2020 17:42

@chocolatesaltyballs22 thanks for the heads up.... I won’t forget 👍....Honesty is so rare these days. I’m telling friends to shoot me if I ever contemplate cohabitation or remarriage!

Eviebeans · 09/11/2020 18:19

... Not sure if this makes me feel sad or what - amazed at how much people put up with - my DH frequently likes to release the miserable old git within, can't do various things or go certain places etc- within a couple of weeks of the first lockdown I really felt like I wanted to change my life for the better- get fitter, healthier, lose weight etc
Had a serious chat with him and said that my life needed to improve in a big way and that I was going to make it happen and that it could be with him or without him. So far the many old git is being kept in check. I have a very low threshold for deciding that enough is enough.

cooldarkroom · 10/11/2020 07:58

This should be the question everyone should honestly answer.
"If you won the lottery would you leave tomorrow ? "I am locked down with my 2 adult Dc & H. every single day I have on the tip of my tongue;
"That's enough, I'm done"
I feel I owe it to my DC to get them out of this misery

dayswithaY · 10/11/2020 08:06

A very wise woman once told me the key to happiness is to marry an optimist.

frumpety · 10/11/2020 09:43

A very wise woman once told me the key to happiness is to marry an optimist.

I married a glass half empty man , it really grinds you down.

Goldenbear · 10/11/2020 10:02

BrumBoo, yes, mines a Ben Harper, well the Ben Harper of 2020, in all honesty we are all a bit like the family in My Family though, there is quite a bit of sarcasm flying around- we started to watch that on iPlayer and I was quite alarmed by how similar our family life is! That and when I watch Motherland, my DH is like the husband of Julia that rings about packages to be taken in or that he is just going for a run as he needs to find time for himself!

Tangledtresses · 10/11/2020 10:31

Ex now, but was a really boring moaner with no end to a story
Just went on and on about curtain twitching nonsense
I started calling him Maureen the moaner
Anyway I don't listen to it now phew 😅

Fishfingersandwichplease · 10/11/2020 10:40

I think l would rather one that,is always grumpy as opposed to grumpy one day and jolly the next - can't be doing with mind games like that!

Peacenquiet2 · 10/11/2020 10:42

Op I think you're married to my dp in a parallel universe

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