Is this out of order or am I?

[eatlessmovemore]

Partner was on video call to his mum and at the end of the call she says " bye daddy bye dd name and bye eatless , in the past she has made me feel like it's him and our child and I was an outsider I wouldn't dream of saying bye grandad bye ( her name ) and not grandma, for what it's worth dd can speak for herself anyway she's old enough just found it weird why she would say bye daddy and then use my name like I'm not dd mummy, happy to be told if I'm being unreasonable but wanted to know what others thought

Definitely being oversensitive. She said good goodbye to you ... your name

Thankyou for your reply, fwiw I'm sure had it of been the other way round she would have complained about it,

You are being very sensitive.

Yes that's not very nice. But be thankful for lockdown & don't dwell on it. Life's too short to Jeff her get to you and social distancing stops you being able to bury her under the patio.

I'll have your back for an alibi, when lick down is lifted!! 🌷

Perhaps you need to have had a MIL like this to understand it's cumulative digs that drive you to the edge.

Uh huh. What else she do cos you ain't pissed over just this are you? Let it all out, we're all ears.

Coming from someone who is one snidey comment away from telling her MIL to fuck right off permanently

You sound very touchy. You'd have to be really looking for ways to be offended to be bothered by this.

Op you're not being sensitive. Most normal people would say mummy and daddy not just one. But it's only a small slight at you, just showing you and the rest how you're not close and have a strained relationship. I'm sure she has her reasons as do you so it is what it is, she's not 100% ignoring you though.

Odd to call your own son daddy .

I get it OP. I used to have a different surname to DH and DS. SIL sent us a card addressed like this (I've changed the names): 'John & Alfie Smith and Jane Brown'. And inside the greeting said: 'Dear John & Alfie and Jane'.

She could just have addressed it to John, Jane & Alfie. But she decided to tag me on at the end , after our infant DS, both on the envelope and in the greeting.

It's these little things that really hurt.

Perhaps you need to have had a MIL like this to understand it's cumulative digs that drive you to the edge.

I totally agree.

Were you part of the video call? Or was it your dh and dd talking to mil? Because her saying Daddy might make sense in that context.

Thankyou for your replies, she's not been nice to me in the past sly comments and a lot of undermining me where my dd is concerned, I wasn't on the video call but she knew I was around as she asked where I was and for context I never go on the video call anyway, I just think if your going to say bye to everyone use our names or if your saying daddy which I do find really odd then surely she would say mummy as I'm dd mum, her son isn't her daddy, as usual dd dad took no notice and doesn't see an issue because his mum can do no wrong 🙄

Also if she said my name instead of mummy because I didn't go on the phone then surely she wouldn't even say bye to me! I really believe that if I had done that to her I'd have been really pulled up on it and told that I'd upset her but because it's the other way round it's like it doesn't really matter

I personally would take this as a dig and not because I'm overly sensitive - far from it. It's odd. If addressing your husband as daddy I would assume it is for DDs benefit as otherwise it is unusual. In which case you're DDs mummy so why not call you that. If addressing adults for their benefit it would be normal to use the first name for both of you - or maybe at a push, son for him

I think it is odd of her to do this. Either say John and Jane, or mummy and daddy. I don't think it would annoy me unless there was a background story ...........

I think pick your battles OP. It’s clear that you don’t get on but if you complain to
Your partner about every little thing you will be seen as being unreasonable.

Personally I reckon if she’d have called you ‘mummy’ that probably would have pissed you off too because other adults calling people mummy and daddy is weird.

I guess this must be the straw that broke the camels back because getting upset about her saying bye your name and not bye mummy is the epitome of over sensitive.

MIL gave us one of those gods awful Willow Tree figurines of a dad and his son when DS was born. Me nowhere on it. She was mortified when DH pointed it out to her (and I love her to bits). I'm now represented by an artist's mannequin figure looming at the back of it like Jigsaw. We think it's hilarious but it sounds like there's much more gone on that's upset you even more.

And inside the greeting said: 'Dear John & Alfie and Jane'. She could just have addressed it to John, Jane & Alfie. But she decided to tag me on at the end , after our infant DS, both on the envelope and in the greeting.

Christ, do people really stress about the order of names on an envelope? I’d love to have that much time to spare.

I think its a tad over analytical. Perhaps she feels silly calling you 'mummy' bit more comfortable with dh as its her son. She might be trying to be respectful. Depends on her history though. I totally get the death by a thousand cuts thing. I've had similar with my MIL in the past and the covert digs that are so intentional have you boiling over. Its horrible. But choose your hill to die on. Bringing this up to your DH won't be a winner. When it comes to the underhand shit that men never ever pick up on you've got to deal with it yourself. Straight away. Shoot her down everytime. Nothing dramatic or heavy because if she is a cow they're often looking to keep poking you when nobodys looking until you explode and look a hysterical nutter. Don't let her win

Christ, do people really stress about the order of names on an envelope? I’d love to have that much time to spare.

Then be thankful that you don't have the kind of family problems we have. This example is from years ago. Things got increasingly worse until last year when PIL & SIL went completely NC with us. It's extremely hard for us with no family. You really have no idea.

I would call out 'Bye Grandma'

This is pretty much peak Mumsnet and MILs. Jeeze.

I know there'll always be a drip feed, but seriously, it's as though some people are constantly watching for the slightest thing that they can spin to be 'MIL being nasty'.

No it's not the slightest little thing, I've had a lot of abuse and nastiness that I've absolutely had enough of it all and yes maybe nit picking now but why would she say that to get my back up I wouldn't dream of saying bye grandad bye - her name but If I did she would absolutely hate it so not sure why it's okay the other way way.