My husbands ex wife cam girl

[bumbleme03]

OK, so I pretty much think I am worrying too much however here goes:

I have two really beautiful stepchildren and two boys from my husband. Anyway, my husband's wife is a handful, always has been. She has had numerous different boyfriends and in the space of four years, she had moved them into five different cities each with a new man. Anyway, she met her recent one and fell pregnant so he stuck. The baby is now 1 I think. The issue is they have an extremely toxic relationship, we've had to pick the children up numerous times because they are violent to one another and recently she got arrested for domestic violence. Yes, we have been speaking with social services and tried to be involved as much as possible (my sister is a social worker so been a great help) and of course, have the children as much as possible. The 12-year-old girl is very attached to her mum and strongly defends any actions, which I know some of you will resonate with. My mother was a complete waste of time, but it took me till about 16 to go, hang on...she doesn't care about me.

Anyway, that's enough background... I could go on and on! So, after her arrest her and her fella were told to stay apart, I even said to her, he can't be around the children as they are so upset by it. She said yes he's gone, only to pick up their daughter. Phew, we thought. Now I'm not on social media apart from Insta as I do like that platform and I got a "suggestion" of someone I may know, my profile is private and I always had her account blocked but it was an odd name and it was her and her "supposed" ex's face... so of course, I went down the rabbit hole.

Her and her ex, are on webcam apps as they have links in their bio (yes I clicked it...), and was horrified by what I could see, however, the link to their Twitter account was shocking. I mean, full-blown porn...just there. Sex in her house, completely shocking images of her. Now, who cares? I'm not a prude over things like that in general, its peoples choices. well my issue is, my eldest who is 12, is the biggest wizz on the internet, and I'm concerned that if she came up on my suggestions, will she for my daughter? Also, shes web camming when the kids are there, NOT in the room but obviously at home.

Am I just being AIBU?!?! I don't know what to do

So after 5 minutes of therapy he's miraculously cured and fit to father another child?

Do all 5 children have a social worker actively involved? They sound extremely vulnerable in both homes with no adult able to assess the risks. Absolutely terrifying.

You’re saying everything he did on the other thread, the criticising, belittling, walking on eggshells, all of this has stopped?

And is he now a normal partner? Someone, who respects you, treats you well, appreciates you looking after his kids?

Is he able to pay his way and feed his kids himself?

PTSD doesn't make you strangle someone.
These poor children.
DV on both sides. These children will end up in care.

@EatTheHamTina

PTSD doesn't make you strangle someone. These poor children. DV on both sides. These children will end up in care.

Probably all of them

My children won't end up in care, this has made me so sad. Thank you for the kind comments. I will continue to try to fight for my stepchildren xxx

@lostandfound10979

My children won't end up in care, this has made me so sad. Thank you for the kind comments. I will continue to try to fight for my stepchildren xxx

One of the adults involved needs to put the kids before their own relationships. None of you are doing that at the moment. Your previous thread is absolutely not about a one off incident, it's about a repeated pattern of emotional abuse (talking to you like shit, berating you, bullying you), physical violence that including punching you and strangling you til you passed out, total lack of remorse (he told you to get over it) and you being fearful he would do worse again.

Living with someone who has behaved that way is irresponsible and selfish when there are children involved. I'm sorry but it is. It doesn't matter if he has PTSD or not, it's awful to have that but that doesn't mean it offsets the risk of something happening again. A decent person would understand that and not seek to prioritise their trauma response over a child's safety.

Everyone has let them down. I'm assuming you never reported him to the police, he wasn't arrested etc? Which means that if he were to get full custody, the authorities wouldn't know they were moving the kids from one unhealthy unstable environment to another - the latter one again having violence present.

Maybe some people change, but when there are kids involved you can't take that risk and claim to be putting the children first.

I feel so desperately sorry for the kids being let down over the years.

YABU for having opinions on her being a cam girl, it isn't illegal and a lot of vulnerable women get sucked into it. YANBU to be concerned about EVERYTHING else though.

I think I know why no one is particularly "fighting" for the stepchildren it wouod turn a light on the dad and that's the last thing he wants

Having just read your posts on the other thread, I think you've decided if you can fix 'everything' outside the house, that things in the house might get/be easier.
This isn't how it works OP. If you bring more children in to this mess, the mess will just get a whole lot messier.

What is it that you actually want?

I have also just read last thread.. poor kids was my thoughts.

PTSD is a very convienient excuse for abusive behaviour.

The kids may well be defensive of mum guessing she went through her own set of issues.

The fact he had no remorse is all you need to know.

Did you tell your SW sister about his behaviour.

i would speak to their social worker and be going for residency for the domestic violence alone ...

Firstly a lot of women have turned to cam or onlyfans work during Covid due to lack of funds.

Your DJ sounds like my ex, ex army and had been in care, ptsd made him try kill me, he was fine a few years ad it happened again, that’s when I left. Thankfully no children involved.

@Fromthebirdsnest

i would speak to their social worker and be going for residency for the domestic violence alone ...

That would be transferring the DC from one violent home to another.

The only way to stop at least some of these children ending up in care or damaged is for you to leave your sorry excuse of a husband and at least create a safe environment for your two. There's probably no hope for the others.

The fact that your home isn't safe either makes this feel as though the children are being weaponised.

I agree with ShebaShimmyShake here after reading your last thread as well op.