Hi all
I'm just looking for some friendly advice and reaching out to see what you would do!
Christmas is really big to my MIL. Mainly present buying. She likes to buy big expensive presents which is of course lovely.
I came from a fairly poor family and we never had lots and lots of presents. Sometimes I find big huge gifts a bit overwhelming. We don't spend as much as her on presents and it makes me feel really awkward. I always think its the thought not the cost of the gift.
Anyway... she always asks every year what to get our child. She doesn't spend a lot of time at all with her grandchild so she really doesn't know them at all. She always suggests things that my child already has or things that are just not suitable. She also goes out and just picks up anything in the shops. I always feel like that money would be better in my childs saving account than a toy they will never play with and we end up donating the next year. I feel like the gifts are a waste as after the initial christmas excitement they are never played with again. I also feel like she asks me not to genuinely ask what my child would like but rather tell me what she is getting regardless if I think it's a good idea or not.
She often buys duplicate toys/items and when we say oh we have that she just says well now they can have 2.
When we have kindly (and i mean kindly) said oh we have that item how about this instead she calls my husband crying down the phone that she wanted to het my child that specific item. Shouts and calls us selfish.
She also purchases a lot of items on wish, ebay & Amazon. I don't like toys bought off these sites as its classed as a market place not a uk based store. This means the items don't need to be approved by EU standards. There is the risk of choking and potentially dangerous chemicals used in making the product. So for example she bought a clock and you place pieces in it. It wasn't aged and my child put some of the bits in their mouth and almost choked. It was really scary. It was clearly not aged appropriately. (My child did this after being gifted the clock) I am not shaming any parents at all who purchase through market places. Just my preference would be a proper uk shop where you know saftey standards are in place. I'd much rather she got less items but we knew they had passed all necessary safety checks.
So some of the time I just dispose of the items purchased.
I know I probably sound ungrateful 🙁 but we are so grateful. It's just such a frustration every year and me and my husband find ourselves arguing and it does ruin the day for all of us. Also I feel upset that she is upset.
For example this year she has already stated she wants to buy my child a bike. We kindly said we already have bought a second hand bike that my child still can't ride and made a different suggestion. She hasn't spoken to us since.
I always feel like gifts should be thoughtful rather than this child is x age so they can have....
She also turns up with sacks and sacks of presents. I find it hard from having so little when I was a child I really learnt to appreciate and look after things. I don't like the message my child is getting by getting lots of "things". I feel like time spent together would be a better for my child rather than not seeing them for months on end and then turning up with a sack of random presents that don't correlate to knowing my child at all.
She also tells my child to open all the boxes instantly. Then on Christmas day when we are trying to leave we are walking around the room picking up small random pieces with no idea what toy they belong to throwing them in bags to get home. It's all a huge mess at home with bits and peices mixed up and we've ended up losing lots of bits at the house and my child is unable to play with it all anyway!
I really don't know what to do anymore
I'm tired of worrying about something in my perspective feels very silly.
My husband says keep telling her no when something isn't suitable. If she gets upset it's her problem. Ovbiously I don't want her to be upset. I feel like just saying buy whatever you want and then just donating things.
What would you do? Should I just take the gift and say thank you regardless if she has asked for my opinion? It's hard as a gift is a gift but why does she ask me and then cry when I suggest something else?
(No attacking comments please. Please read this as it is written. I know a lot of people would be so grateful for additional presents for their children and I know we are very lucky. I just really need some advice on how to best move forward with her in a positive way ❤)