If you're hosting the play date, you should tidy up afterwards?

[tellsme]

I have a friend who somehow manages to get me to tidy up after most play dates. When I host, I tidy and when she hosts I also tidy!

Somethings amiss. What do you all do?

How does she get you to tidy?

I'd help tidy the mess my child had contributed to at a friend's house or at least offer. Child is a toddler though, might be different when they're older.

I usually offer to help tidy but the host says not to worry.

At the end I’ll say to my DD let’s help tidy up before we go and we help; if the host insists it’s ok then fine but we normally at least help a bit. I’d do whatever she does to get you to tidy up back on her

Just don’t tidy. Say that was fun, see you again and leave. I suspect this is more about you offering and expecting her to say no.

Kids tidy up, whoever is hosting. Helped by parents. I'll excuse babies but only just.

It’s polite to help to tidy up if you’re visiting, if she makes a move without offering, loudly encourage all the kids including hers to get involved and do it before they leave.

Well I think you should offer to help tidy up if your child has helped make the mess.
At the same time your friend should do the same at your house.
Either stop helping her if she won't help you or could you maybe mention it in a jokey way to her to see if she gets the hint?

God I just had a terrible flashback to the sight of my two DDs and two little friends dragging all their bedding, duvets, pillows and loads of clean clothes into the garden to ‘make a den’ ..... it was December and very muddy

Must have been 15 years ago ... their mum helped me on that occasion OP

Yes, it's weird.

Guest offers, host decline and tidies up.

If nothing else, guests have no idea what goes where, and if "tidying up" means plonking everything randomly in the toy box that you have to sort afterwards, it's the opposite of helping.

A bit like people who must insist on helping after a diner party and plonk everything randomly and haphazardly in the kitchen crowding all the work surfaces. REALLY not helping. Leave things in the dining room and living room, the host knows how they like their dishwasher filled in.

When I had my eldest I met this woman who would always be fussing and tidying up. I did try and stop her but it seemed to make her happy in some weird way. And wasn't like she was cleaning the whole place or overstepping.
They started spending more time here as a couple and they both carried on. Again, I did try and stop.

Obviously through time they met other friends etc and over the years a few have also followed in their footsteps.

I have no idea why. It's only been in recent years that I have struggled a bit because of energy, but still manage to do these things. They cannot explain it either as I do still and stop them.

We also do something else really weird and go to each others and cook.

I always ask the kids to tidy - at least clear up any cups or snack wrappers and put all toys back in the playroom. I don't like guest parents to do it - they always put everything in the wrong place!

If my child has helped make the mess, then we always help tidy before we leave. I can't imagine allowing my child to just walk out, leaving a mess behind them.

Seems rude.

If one of the kids has a friend over, I always tell them both to tidy up before they get ready to go home. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Depends on the state when you walk in...

If your going into a clean and tidy play date then help, if you’re already going into a mess then don’t.

Yes, depends on the nature and extent of the mess.

I have some friends who apologise and offer to help but I always consider it 'our job' - as you say we made the invitation. I never take people up on it.

I might say to the children that they need to tidy away games etc., at the end of the play, as pp. says more to give them the right kind of expectations.

Everyone mucks in to get it tidy regardless of who's house it is

Stop tidying when she hosts! Tie a piece of thread around your finger to remind yourself.

Do you prevent your friend from tidying up at yours (e.g. “No, no, don’t worry, I’ll do all that in a bit”) or does she just never offer to help?

How does she get you to tidy up at her? Do you offer and she doesn’t refuse?

Never offers to help and gladly accepts help when it's offered.

My husband even noticed one weekend when we had a bbq there. He did bloody everything while I watched the toddler and helped with other stuff.

I end up starting to tidy because I think both guest and host should tidy regardless of whose house it is, and she'll sit there....

@MrsJonesAndMe

Everyone mucks in to get it tidy regardless of who's house it is

Yeah this is my view

The kids tidy. If they’re too young, both adult parties muck in.

You can only control your own actions. So if it bugs you that it’s unequal, stop tidying at hers.

@NoSquirrels

You can only control your own actions. So if it bugs you that it’s unequal, stop tidying at hers.

Yes good advice