If you're hosting the play date, you should tidy up afterwards?

[tellsme]

I have a friend who somehow manages to get me to tidy up after most play dates. When I host, I tidy and when she hosts I also tidy!

Somethings amiss. What do you all do?

@Ignoringequally

The kids tidy. If they’re too young, both adult parties muck in.

Too young, under 3

I would just ask her to help at yours. I think you can do it pretty casually "oh, could you just put the duplo in that box, I'll sort the train set"

And just stop doing so much at hers!

He did bloody everything while I watched the toddler and helped with other stuff

You didn't have to though. Instead of doing stuff and then feeling shite just don't do it. Take a leaf out of thier book and do nothing.

@MrsJonesAndMe

Everyone mucks in to get it tidy regardless of who's house it is

How do you know where everything goes when it's not your house?

Or you could just say ‘Give is a hand - chuck that in the box, could you put the train tracks away while I sort the Lego?’ Etc

Stop offering help and ask for hers. I know. It’s hard. I’m the same.

After she hosts the next play date look at your watch and say 'oh gosh I'm supposed to be at xxx in 10 minutes. Thanks so much. Bye
And leave.

How much tidying is there to do?! If I'm at someone's house I'd put snack plates by the sink and put any crazy toy-related mess away as we go but surely there's not much more to do? I wouldn't expect someone to come to my house and wash up or put all the toys away - it's a quick job and my DD will carry on playing after they leave anyway.

I guess I just can't really see how there's enough mess for this to be an issue, beyond the destruction that a toddler would probably cause on their own at home anyway.

That's a horror not someone I would entertain. But if she's worth it in other ways I would say come on whatevev her name is let's tidy up then ill get us a cup of tea and the kids a biscuit or whatever.

Under 3 isnt too young to start helping. If they are walking they are mobile enough to carry toys to the toy box.

But just dont offer when you are at hers. Pretty obvious. She has set the ground rules, just follow them!

I think both should tidy. But, she doesn't tidy your house so stop tidying hers. Simple.

My friends all offer to tidy. I tell them not to bother as they don’t know where anything goes.

Other houses are more of a chuck it on one box type, so I tidy there (and fill the dishwasher).

It wouldn’t bother me either way.

So she's not making you tidy, OP, you keep offering Stop offering.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Maybe she doesn’t give a shit about tidying up? In which case stop tidying her house.

With the children - I had designated boxes and the last 10 mns we sang, along to the Frere Jacques tune, "are you helping, are you helping, all the girls? All the boys? Let us all be helpers, put away our plaything, No.. More..Toys,..Biscuit Time"
Amazing how that worked! The promise of biscuits worked like a charm Every time!

I always offer at someone else's house, but its usually declined. If someone offered to help me when I host, I'd also decline. It's my house and I don't want other people doing it, they won't know where everything goes, and I'll just have to do it all again when they leave.

I always used to ask my kids to help to tidy the toys away if they'd been playing with them and i'd also get up and help the host to tidy too.

"Never offers to help and gladly accepts help when it's offered."

See, you did know the answer to this!

She never offers, so neither should you. If she gets sniffy and asks/hints that you should (I bet she will), laugh and point out that she never tidies up at yours, so what's her problem with you not tidying at hers?

Stop it from being the elephant in the room that nobody mentions, bring it out into the open.

Well i usually tell the kids to do it before we leave. Sometimes the host says its ok, then we leave it. I usually say its ok when i have people over and i make my kids clean up after they leave. But my friends always offer to help or even insist on helping. If i had a friend who never offers, i would just stop offering at her place too.

This is so interesting- it would never have occurred to me to offer to tidy another person’s house. To me it would feel rude and intrusive. Having read this I’ll definitely offer next time.

Don't offer to tidy at hers - simple.

@Katinski

With the children - I had designated boxes and the last 10 mns we sang, along to the Frere Jacques tune, "are you helping, are you helping, all the girls? All the boys? Let us all be helpers, put away our plaything, No.. More..Toys,..Biscuit Time" Amazing how that worked! The promise of biscuits worked like a charm Every time!

It doesn't scan though.

I'm with you, I think everyone should muck in. I'd definitely offer to help when at someone else's, as it's so shit if you've spent time tidying before hand, then kids absolutely trash the place, you run around looking after people at a play date and then everyone buggers off and you're left with toymageddon. I'd definitely be a bit in the situation you describe tho, where your friend sits on her arse watching you do it all, wherever you are

I'm not talking about emptying the dishwasher @Lowkeevslucille Just toys back in a box etc with adult directing - not that hard!

Always offer to help, then up to host to accept or refuse.

Last play date was left in destruction of popped bean bags (the big ones) we let them enjoy their "sensory" play for a while as they were loving it. Anyway when otnwas timento clean up i ran home grabbed my hoover and helped hoover up. Took 40 mins with both going, luckly we both took it in good humour but there was no way i was leaving her to it.