To give up Cosleeping to relax abit this christmas

[CoffeeAndCake3]

Posting here for traffic and probably a kick up the bum.
Have a ten month old and a just turned three year old. DS2 has coslept in our bed since the day he was born. Didn't plan it that way, but I was booted out of hospital quickly (despite a c section) exhausted and then facing 2yo DS1 so went for the easiest option for maximum sleep. Im breastfeeding laying down.

Now 10months old. Night's like last night he has wanted to suckle ALL NIGHT LONG. Granted yes, he may be teething or whatever but I have had zero sleep. Yes, he may have done the same in another room but I do think there comes a point when your boobs keep them awake?! Just knowing there is milk is all too much. That and the fact he will not let me move away from him. So I have slept on my left hip for 18months now. I just want to bloody roll over. Or face down. Or ANYTHING.
Last but not least, selfish me, wants a drink this Christmas. I haven't drank in over three years thanks to a cycle of babies and pregnancies. It's been a shitty year minus my son being born, and yes I will say, a shit year for mat leave, so a g&t and some time with my husband sounds amazing.

Problem is, the baby cuddles are obviously wonderful. My DH too loves the baby cuddles. Mum guilt is terrible. And I have no idea how to do it now that he is so big and would need to be lowered to the very bottom of his cot. He doesn't even nap in the cot. I have no idea how to start, especially with DS1 around in the day. He does go to nursery 3 days a week but that will obviously not be enough time to nail this. There's no room for a cot in our room and no room for a mattress in his.

So I keep Cosleeping.....

Aibu to want to stop now or am I being selfish for the sake of a non event this year

You're not being selfish but from experience of DD1 who was in her own room and DD2 who coslept, a bad night cosleeping is still way way better than a bad night in another room. At least you can still doze while you settle them. Personally I'd keep doing what you're doing, Christmas this year is going to be a total write off.

Just stop, honestly there is no law that says you either need to co sleep or breast feed.

God this sounds exhausting, you must be so touched out! If you start now, you'll probably get it sorted by Christmas.

Stop feeding to sleep. Shhhh pat to start with, til he's used to being in the cot, and then try CC. Do it for bedtime first, and then naps.

The MAIN THING to crack is that he falls asleep in his cot. If he falls asleep on you, then when he wakes up he'll freak out that you're not there.

You can do this, and holy fuck do you deserve it.

Yes just do it, the time has come for him to sleep in his own bed. What three days a week does your older DS do in nursery? If you could, start him napping and going down on Wednesday, do Thursday and Friday and have your husband take out the eldest on the weekend, that way you will have a good five day run of settling him without your eldest to worry about. Do it for your sanity!

Christmas this year is going to be a total write off. - is it? Perhaps OPs DH has the time over Christmas off and wants to just relax in their family unit? As far as I'm aware we can still buy turkey, crackers, presents and gin? So not sure why it's going to be a write off? But let's bring COVID into every thread in any way we can.

Mother wants practical help to stop breastfeeding and co.sleeping, you can't because of COVID! 🙄

OP, start today, now! Assuming that the bad night wasn't due to illness that manifests today.

You've done fabulously well, you now need to claim your bed back. I agree with it starting at nighttime's, the patting will help and DH can do that if baby wants to constantly breast feed if it's you doing it.

It'll be a tough first week, but it does get easier.

Good luck.

I don’t know how you do it. My baby was in his own room at five months. People say co-sleeping is wonderful but I truly can’t think of anything more disturbing to my sleep.

I remember 10 months being really bad for this tbh, I was back at work and we were trying to switch to bottles for night feeds so my partner could do them but reality was we all got much more sleep cosleeping/bf'ing.

We tried again at 12 months and that worked really well, I stopped breastfeeding compleatly then.

Time to stop being a martyr. Put the baby in his own cot for naps and at night, be consistent with your routine and it will stick in the end. Will he have a dummy to fall asleep with? Agree with a previous poster that Christmas is not cancelled this year. Get this sorted and you’re going to enjoy yours so much more.

Christmas this year is going to be a total write off

You mean for her if she follows your advice?

As someone who coslept from 5 months and bf, I wouldn't start with the night sleeps.
I'd be starting with the naps by giving dinner etc, then cuddling to sleep and transferring to cot. A baby used to 100% contact is not going to sleep with just patting.
Does baby sleep in the pram?
If you can nail transferring to cot, I'd also be bigging up a cup/Tommy tippee style vessel that you include with this in the hope they'll use this during naps as atm bfing is synonymous with sleep, so there's multiple elements needing focus.
Is it your desire to end bfing? If so, then maybe oh feeding baby's milk is the way to go forward. Though personally, my lo was over a year, so didn't go on ff and transitioned solely to cows milk which was easier in many ways.
Think that you need to talk through your approach with oh. As this will need you both being on the same page and no room for having bed cuddles as this will confuse baby for quite some time.
Hth

Thanks everyone. I honestly think it needs to stop. I love the cuddles and feel terrible that I won't woke up with him, it is lovely. I'm also suffering with last baby syndrome as I suspect we won't have anymore which is tugging at my heart. Sigh. But I think I'm starting to lose it. I spend my evenings cradling a way too big baby. I can't comfortably sit on the sofa with DH and I can't imagine doing this with a near one year old at Christmas. I need to switch off atleast at some point. I have had an entire year (yes, due to covid) with one baby or another attached to me. DS1 goes to childcare for five hours now Tues-Thurs.

BTW christmas isn't cancelled IMO, different yes, but I intend to enjoy it in our little unit. It's my baby's first christmas too, so I can't accept it as a write off. How incredibly sad if it is.

OK. Any more tips please. The thought of starting is what puts me off it was so tough with ds who went to his own room at six months from a side sleeper I feel I've messed up here leaving it so late..

Sorry I didn't say, I won't stop bfeeding just yet

DD is also 10 months. I know every baby is different but she slept so much better in her own bed - I think I was disturbing her as much as she was me. We bit the bullet and just put her down in her cot one night at about 6 months. We had two quite difficult nights, then she seemed to realise that her cot was for sleeping and it just clicked.

DD's first Christmas will involve people we love (albeit not many of them) good food and time as a family. That's certainly not a write off as far as I'm concerned!

Have a read of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber. I went from co-sleeping and breastfeeding all night long (kill me) to DD sleeping 12 hours in her own room in less than a week. My life is so much better now, and what's better is I can relax AND get a full night's sleep!

I never had my babies in my bed with me. Dh refused from day one and I thank him for that.

But yes I had a real bad time getting mine to stay in their rooms, my youngest would wake at 3am every single day for 3 years and come bursting into our bedroom, so getting him back to bed was a challenge.

I would recommend putting baby into cot in his own room and you having your makeshift bed next to the cot. You sleep in the room with him, keeping him in the cot at all times. Eventually he will get used to the cot. And you eventually creep out of the room when he falls asleep, breaking him in gently to getting used to being in his cot without you nearby.

Good luck.

My advice is decide on a plan and stick to it. Discuss with DH and write down clearly so you're both on the same page. Accept that you'll have a tough week or so but after that life is going to be SOO much better!

As others say get him used to tge got with naps first. Start cutting down on the breastfeeding one feed at a time.

Then when you're ready. Do your bedtime routine. Put in cot and walk out. Have an agreed a ladder of intervention - wait 2 mins, stand at door, shush, wait another 2 mins, stand by cot, then pat in cot for 300 pats or whatever you decide, but working up to breastfeeding as the absolute last resort after a few more steps.

Persist! He's going to cry. He's going to complain about the change and be angry but stand firm- it's for his good as well. He needs his sleep. He needs to learn to sleep through the night.

And if you get sick of that or it's not improving then you can always do cry it out. In my experience that fixed it in 5 nights.

You need to start with naps in the cot to get him used to it. I weaned off breastfeeding by just dropping one feed at a time and replacing with a bottle feed. If he wont take a bottle does he have a sippy cup.for meals? You can use that instead. Then a few days later replace another feed with a bottle, that way your boobs will get used to dropping feeds as well as him.if you start now you can definitely do this before christmas, have faith!

Op I was in a similar position with a toddler ds and a dd who I Co slept with and she fed most of the night and had never been in her cot (we ended up giving it away with the brand new mattress).
The way we resolved it was at a slightly older age (maybe about 16months) we put her into a double bed with her big brother. I can't remember the details but that seemed to provide a smooth transition and they both seemed to start sleeping reasonably well from that point. I realise that doesn't solve Christmas but might be a suggestion for next spring?
Also your baby will be one at Christmas. I suspect you can have a couple of small g&ts and Co sleep.

Just to confirm that wasn't the end of breastfeeding. I still fed her morning and night for another couple of years

@CoffeeAndCake3

Sorry I didn't say, I won't stop bfeeding just yet

Ah ok well if you at least introduce one bottle feed a day then DH can take a turn at night and you can also enjoy a drink when you feel like it.

Just get the baby in it's own room. Stick to it you can do it.

My advice would be, do whats best for you. There's always going to be guilt it goes hand in hand with motherhood.
you've had a lovely time cosleeping and now a new chapter begins.

Maybe get DH to do bedtime, you fed downstairs and he puts baby to sleep in his own room/cot etc. DH provides reassurance when baby cries etc. Will be hard couple off nights. We had to do this for our DS at 9 months, when I had to work nights. DH created a new nighttime rountine DS - bath, books and bed.

With regards to set up - i think we had a toddler bed with side and used to wrap our arm round him and gently move it when he was asleep. Still remember him asking for 'army'. LOL

Good luck

Poster saying Christmas this year is a write off?? Wtf

Am sure for most people that’s not the case - they can still get lots of nice food And drinks in and have a lovely Christmas just their family

I’m looking forward to my Christmas for 2 just myself and my husband - certainly don’t see it as a write off?

I can’t see any difference to last years Christmas other than I’m not going to eat dinner with 10 people - it will just be 2. There’s still presents and all the rest is the same 😂😂😂

Do you have a superking bed?If not it could maybe help you to sleep in different positions at least.

We bed share, little one is 9 months and I totally get touched out when they nurse all night long so we brought the cot into our room, took one side off and pushed it up up against my side of the bed and it is a game changer! We have our bed to ourselves, I can easily and quickly nurse when little one wakes up so both of us get more sleep, and they are getting used to sleeping alone, also we have our evenings back as a couple as I’m not staying in the bed once little one is down. We have a long bolster which rests on our bed next to the cot so they can’t roll from cot to bed....doesn’t stop any crawling but we’ve got the camera on and taught them how to get off our bed!