Considering taking my ex to court for coercive control. How difficult is it to prove?

[IgorThalia]

Just that really. It's been proven in family court, but they work on the basis of probability as opposed to beyond reasonable doubt. Is it almost impossible to get a conviction? AIBU to even consider it?

The problem with men that use coercive control is they usually factor you 'telling' into their game. They're usually very calculating and devious. Make sure you can't really pinpoint what they've done. Make sure it's 'drip drip' so that you look petty if you bought it up as an isolated incident. They've usually got a staged response and are one step ahead with their counter argument. It's all mind games and tactics. I'd love for you to successfully nail the bastard for it. Unfortunately I should imagine it is difficult to form concrete evidence and proof. I wish I had better advice. I have got experience of being on the receiving end abc it's souls destroying and head fuckery at its very best so I'm sorry you went through it. Hopefully someone will be along with some more constructive advice...

Do you mean as a civil prosecution seeking damages, or as a criminal prosecution?

If the latter, you will have to make a report to the police and it will then be in the hands of the crown office to determine if there is sufficient evidence to pursue a conviction. There is no right of private criminal prosecution in the U.K.. The standard of proof in criminal cases is ‘beyond reasonable doubt’, which is a high test. It will depend on your evidence - how clear, consistent and compelling you are as a witness, whether you have other witnesses, whether there is documentary evidence etc.

If you pursue a civil claim for damages, the standard is ‘on the balance of probabilities’, which is obviously a lower standard of proof. This can mean it is easier to obtain a result in your favour. There are no criminal implications for this, but you may be awarded money. This is still quite rare, but there have been more cases of civil prosecutions for abuse in recent years.

Whatever you choose, I hope you’re able to feel that justice is done

The amount of evidence you need for family court is considerably lower than the evidence you need for a criminal prosecution. I think it is difficult, yes.

The case I know of had good evidence, but maybe not good enough. It was with the CPS for almost a year and they decided that there wasn't enough to be confident of a conviction, so they didn't proceed. It was gutting at the time, but in retrospect I think it was for the best really. I fully expect the person concerned to slip up in the future, so we'll see what happens then.

What evidence do you have? I assume it's with the police?

I made a report to the police. I have a lot of text messages from him. He was witnessed by a family member being rough with our son after he was born and undermining me, preventing me from feeding him. I used women's aid to help me from leaving. I went to a friend's house who witnessed abusive phonecalls from him. I have messages from him telling me if I don't do what he does our son will know the truth about us when he's older. I have proof from the hospital of him cancelling our son's hospital appointment and then telling lies as to why he cancelled it (this was proved in court). I have messages from him telling me that my boobs were lopsided and I needed to change the way I breastfeed. A message where he's admitted throwing something at me. I could keep going but I'll be here forever.

My old neighbour was convicted and sent to prison for coercive control. The police and CPS were on the ball and it was not long after the law changed to make it an offence.

I also have a restraining order.

If you mean a criminal prosecution, you don’t decide whether to take it to court. Police will investigate, present the evidence to COS and they will decide whether to prosecute based on whether it’s likely to succeed.

It’s a relatively new criminal offence. And can be really difficult to prove as so much of it is about mind games etc. But it totally depends what evidence there is.

Ah, just read you thread title op. You can't take him to court, at least not a criminal one. What have the police said?

I should have mentioned in my first post. The policeman who took her statement said it was one of the worst he had seen for coercive control and still not good enough for the CPS. It's one thing making it unlawful, but another matter entirely getting it prosecuted.

Cross post. So you have reported to the police, are you trying to decide whether to support a prosecution?

I would give them all the evidence you have, they will most likely also apply for family court records. Let them and CPS decide whether there is enough to go ahead, and then make a decision as to whether you are happy to proceed.

I reported it to the police so they have a lot of evidence already but I was too scared to go ahead at the time.

Sorry, just seen your update.

The case I discussed was worse than that and got nowhere in the end. For obvious reasons I won't go into detail here. Hope it goes well for you though.

When I say take him to criminal court, I mean choose to go ahead with trying to get a conviction. The police said that I can do this but I chose to just leave it on record at the time as I was scared.

If the police think that you have a good case then I would go for it. These men get away with it too often and go on to ruin more lives. The law is there for a reason, so make use of it.

Its a criminal offence so just report it

You really need to see what the CPS say. I tried but I didn't have dates/times/log of specific incidents. I just had a rather haphazard recollection of a long line of events. CPS said not enough evidence to proceed. They came back within about 20 hours of the police sending the file through. The only way to find out is to see if the CPS feel that there's enough evidence. If they won't touch it, it's safe to say, you don't have enough evidence. If they will press charges, then it's down to a court and a jury if he pleads not guilty.

To be honest, I'd be guided on police advice solely on this.

I assume if you have a RO there has been physical violence previously?

I suppose it's no skin off your nose if you tell the police that you're willing to give evidence and see what the CPS have to say. It's out of your hands then to an extent. If they do proceed though, just be prepared for him to plead not guilty and for a trial to ensue which will be very taxing and stressful and prolonged.

I know that when I was giving my statement, they asked a lot about sexual coercion and financial control. It was yes to the former but with no evidence and no to the latter as he was actually relatively generous with money. It's a tough case to make in the first place, not to even begin to consider the toll a trial might take on you.

No physical violence. All coercive and controlling behaviours, harassment and intimidation.

The family courts have also said that he is to have zero direct contact with our son until he completes a domestic abuse perpetrator programme.

I didn’t go to court but I had four adult children and wasn’t prepared for them to know the details. If you do good luck and be strong, he will do all he can to make you look like an unstable witness.
So sorry you’ve been through this shit. 💐

I am going to go slightly against the grain here and ask whether a prosecution is in the best interests of your son. Your ex has already gone through the family courts and lost contact with his child. What does a prosecution serve other than revenge? I am not diminishing your experience but maybe talk through with a family therapist whether seeing his mother ask for his father to be sent to prison will help him.

It would be a record on his file and new partners would be able to find him under clares law.

@IgorThalia You've done very well getting it recognised by the Courts. I suffered horrendous coercive control throughout my marriage but it wasn't factored in. Custody of kids went 50/50 in 2014. He still controls to this day.

The price you'd pay for the police to get a conviction is a very high price. You're talking time, stress, uncertainty, scrutinisation, disappointment, interrogation, cross-examination, character assasination, outright denial, being called a liar etc. etc. To be honest, I think you've had a good outcome. That you've 'logged' it with police is neither here nor there. Convictions are what are looked at, not every complaint made. I think you should pursue it if you feel strong enough mentally to be prepared for a time consuming and prolonged onslaught against you. If you don't think you're willing to withstand that sort of pressure, then I'd cut my losses. Your dc is safe, you're safe. That's the main thing right now.