Considering taking my ex to court for coercive control. How difficult is it to prove?

[IgorThalia]

Just that really. It's been proven in family court, but they work on the basis of probability as opposed to beyond reasonable doubt. Is it almost impossible to get a conviction? AIBU to even consider it?

As for future partners? I warned my ex's new partner a few years ago. I received a barrage of insults and threats to kill me in response! From her!! Lol. I don't have that many fucks to give, or that much energy to waste on dead weight which is in my past.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. I would say that revenge should be a dish that you're sure is not going to smash on the ground and scald you while you deliver it to the table. There's a famous quote too 'before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves'.

I agree with the poster who said it's probably not worth all of the heartache. Ateotd you have your dc (rightly). The only reason personally I am still having to fight in court (yet again) is because ex got 50/50 so obviously his coercive control has a huge impact on our kids.
I am pleased the family court recognised his behaviours in your case and acted appropriately

Are you in England OP? Criminal law re domestic abuse v different in other parts of U.K.

There was a bbc 3 programme about it the other day (obviously not taking that to be 100% fact) but they said if it’s a he said she said it’s unlikely, if there is evidence such as texts, witnesses, video evidence or voicemails etc it’s much more likely. They said in the programme part of it is that it has to be clear that they knew what they were doing

I know a man who went to prison for coercive control. This was when the law was pretty new, but also about a dozen women came forward to give evidence. Maybe speak to the police and see what they say? Glad you and your dc are safe now

I'm really struggling with those talking about this as revenge. Is it revenge if someone goes to prison for stealing a car or murdering someone? Why is it different because this is domestic abuse and coercive control? Both are illegal and both have far more devastating consequences than stealing property or money. These people steal lives and self esteem and then move onto the next victim. It sounds like a handful of people think victims of domestic abuse are being vengeful harpies for seeking some justice. Is that because they chose to be in a relationship with these men? I hope not.

I know that in the case mentioned it was more about protecting the children and any future women in a relationship with this man. He is now in another relationship with someone who has children and it's very concerning, to say the least.

Whatever you decide op, I hope you have a happy life without your ex.

I've looked back at the thread and not a handful, just one really, but I think my point still stands. Obviously don't include Shuddawuddacudda because she's a victim herself.

I think your best option is to go back to the police & discuss with them (or CPS) what would be involved & how likely a conviction would be.

My concern would be that Ex will be allowed contact with DS once he has completed his domestic abuse course. If he had a criminal conviction it may be easier to keep this to supervised contact in the future.

Also if he does get access to DS in the future (which is quite likely), then without a conviction it’s easier for him to lie to DS about what happened.

Re other partners... My ex-husband was extremely controlling but it was not recognised/factored in when I left him in 2014. He got 50/50 custody of our two boys who were just 3 and 6 at the time.
Re new partners..well, he has a gf but tbh she is probably OK with his control / is OK to accept it. She's 15 years his junior and very much enjoys her lifestyle of having a big house and nice things without having to work at all. I mean, it wasn't enough for me, but that's not to say it isn't for her? It's none of my business.

@knittingaddict

I'm really struggling with those talking about this as revenge. Is it revenge if someone goes to prison for stealing a car or murdering someone? Why is it different because this is domestic abuse and coercive control? Both are illegal and both have far more devastating consequences than stealing property or money. These people steal lives and self esteem and then move onto the next victim. It sounds like a handful of people think victims of domestic abuse are being vengeful harpies for seeking some justice. Is that because they chose to be in a relationship with these men? I hope not.

I know that in the case mentioned it was more about protecting the children and any future women in a relationship with this man. He is now in another relationship with someone who has children and it's very concerning, to say the least.

Whatever you decide op, I hope you have a happy life without your ex.

It's because the price the OP will pay is a lot higher than perhaps a witness to theft or murder (unless it's gang related and they have to go into witness protection or something).

Everything comes at a price, even justice. The OP really needs to be fully aware of what she could potentially be letting herself in for. Only then can she decide for herself whether it's worth it.

Hi IgorThalia, are you still interested in the legal process? Sounds like you have more than enough evidence to me. I reported my abuser to the police for coercive control and we are now awaiting a 4 day trial in Crown Court where a jury will decide if he is guilty. But the police have taken it very seriously, plead not guilty in majestrates court so they sent him for a plea hearing at a crown court where he plead not guilty again and now we have the trial. If they weren't taking it seriously they would have sentenced him at the majestrates courts. Like you I have alot of evidence but to be honest it sounds like you have more and that you would have a very strong case. My ex has been told he's facing up to 5 years in prison plus I will have a restraining order against him forever. We also share a child who I stopped all contact even though he told me I never would. Men like this are evil and the world needs to see that its not just physical violence that ruins lives. What I went through was horrific and it sounds like your experience was too, I would really encourage you to re think pressing charges if you still have the evidence. Men like this don't stop until they are stopped. Hope you are well x