Stupid argument over not lining amazons pockets. Whose BU?

[MoonBaby1]

It was one of those post too many drinks ‘discussions’ last night that escalated into a full blown argument.

Dh (who is into conspiracy theories, not sure if that’s relevant but everything seems to come back to the men in control etc) declared that this lockdown I shouldn’t buy from amazon and that I’m lining the pockets of an evil man, evil conglomerate etc.

It was very much aimed at me buying pointless shit (I don’t) and him being the saintly one who doesn't buy anything but essentials.

So I said no, I’m a free agent and will continue to buy stuff if I want to. He gets angry and when I point out that I pay for prime myself for all the family to use including prime video and some subscriptions to essentials (bin liners, calpol, loo roll) out of my own money and not shared household cash.

At this he backtracks saying all that should continue but not any extra spending which I find hypocritical.

This is where I become petty. I then, passive aggressively cancel the subscriptions to these thing bar cancelling prime in front of him saying he can’t have it both ways. This enraged him and he starts shouting and punched a couple of walls.

I’m well aware non of us look great in this situation and I thought we’d draw a line under it this morning but he’s still really pissed off.

He’s being a dick. Regardless of his views on Amazon he doesn’t get to tell you what to do, and punching walls is a sign of abuse. Men who punch walls in anger are making sure you know they could punch you too.

Punching walls? Really? Is he always violent? I think you have bigger problems than arguing about Amazon.

He hasn’t acted this aggressively for a few years so it’s not standard behaviour at all. I was winding him up can wing stuff so I don’t smell of roses here either.

Can wing= cancelling

It sounds like there’s a bit of misdirection going on.

He’s saying he wants you to spend less money with Amazon, but what he really seems to be saying is that he’d like you to spend less money.

You had me until the cancelled prime to be spiteful, I assume Dh asked you not to and you just had to prove a point. Punching walls is too much, maybe neither of you should drink again, it really makes both of you assholes.

Lots of small businesses sell on Amazon and without this platform they would go bust.

It’s not unreasonable for him to feel wound up if you’re mid-argument, I’d imagine you felt wound up too. The big problem I see is that his ‘wound up’ led to physical punching (walls, admittedly, but a violent over reaction)

If my DH had punched walls, he be having his bags packed. Neither would I allow a partner to dictate where I am allowed to shop. Very controlling behaviour.

Cancelling in front of him was petty, but punching walls is a whole other level. What's your relationship like when you're both sober?

Wall punching is a step to far. Cancelling in front of him was petty but frankly, I'd have done it too, to make a point.

FWIW: we order as little as possible from Amazon but sometimes it's our only alternative to doing without whatever it is. Life is all about compromises.

I think it’s a reaction to lockdown and furlough anxiety. We’ve been together a long time and he’s not violent, never name calls.

I felt it should all have blown over this morning.

Just got the record, I cancelled so essentials subscriptions and implied I’d Vance prime but didn’t. Yes very petty!

@Frannibananni

You had me until the cancelled prime to be spiteful, I assume Dh asked you not to and you just had to prove a point. Punching walls is too much, maybe neither of you should drink again, it really makes both of you assholes.

I agree with this poster.

He's an aggressive controlling conspiracy theorist - why are you still with him?

@MoonBaby1

I think it’s a reaction to lockdown and furlough anxiety. We’ve been together a long time and he’s not violent, never name calls.

I felt it should all have blown over this morning.

Punching walls is violence

He sounds annoying at the beginning. Surely its quite simple to sign up to subscriptions again.
I cannot get my head round punching walls thing. He sounds crazy and I am so pleased I dont have tiolive with him!! Conspiracy theories and aggrrssive?? Shudder!

So you two got drunk and sloppy and had an argument that totally blew out of proportion..
You both need to not drink if it comes to this.

To be honest I’d cancel the things I pay for alone if he was saying I can’t spend my own money on things I want.

@Tadpolesandfroglets

Lots of small businesses sell on Amazon and without this platform they would go bust.

This.

You should be concerned about your ”D”H punching walls in temper though.

You really need to rethink how you spend your time. Drinking and then squabbling is not healthy. If you've been happy for years, don't pick fights now. It could ruin your lives. When everything's calmed down a bit can you have a sensible conversation about the need to avoid going there again?

('You plural', for clarity)

He needs to seek help for his behaviour. Normal men don’t punch walls.

@MoonBaby1

He hasn’t acted this aggressively for a few years so it’s not standard behaviour at all. I was winding him up can wing stuff so I don’t smell of roses here either.

But he’s acted like this in the past?

This is a massive sign to you that this is very wrong.

You had a point in telling him you can buy what you want with your own money, and he can’t tell you what you can and can’t do.

He had no point at all and used violence as a response.

Review your life and relationship as a matter of great urgency

This is not a good man. It won’t get better.

He can't think Amazon is that evil if when you cancelled it all he got mad. Yeah it was petty of you to do but so what, the point was to show he was being hypocritical and he was.

After saying that, here's a link to a website that has a visual representation of Jeff bezos wealth, it's just an image you scroll through but it's really shocking to see just how much money he has.

mkorostoff.github.io/1-pixel-wealth/

How much had you both had to drink? Maybe leave discussions till you are both properly sober.