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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dogs - fur babies or animals?

143 replies

TiersTiersTiers · 05/11/2020 22:24

Genuine question.

I was reading the numerous threads on fireworks etc and the dogs with anxiety, really scared of the bangs and the various responses etc and wondered why do some owners personify their dogs. Why do they call their dogs 'fur babies'

So AIBU to think that dogs are pets and not 'fur babies' babies that are treated like actual children/babies - think sleeping in bed with the owner (yuck IMO), lick the face/kiss, dressed up in clothing, spray painted fancy colours and pampered to the nth degree ...

YABU - a dog is a fur baby
YANBU - a dog is an animal and much as I love it, it is a dog

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 06/11/2020 06:29

I think I'd judge someone in real life for using the word "furbaby" and if that makes me an arsehole I'm alright with that.

We have cats and dogs, I love them, love their company and assign them personalities, accents and hobbies that are ridiculous. But they're still pets; our dogs know their place, know that I'm the leader and don't mess me about. The cats just do their cat thing and don't give a shit about any of us unless there's tuna.

It's possible to love them and even anthropomorphise them without being unreasonable about their place.

MacDuffsMuff · 06/11/2020 06:33

I love my dog, we all do, he's at the centre of lots of our days out etc and we're all devoted to him. But I cringe at the fur baby descriptions I see sometimes. Each to their own I suppose.

MacDuffsMuff · 06/11/2020 06:35

Sounds like you want a little pat on the back for being a superior owner of a pet though.

I'm not getting that from the OP at all. I'm not sure what makes her sound 'superior'. 😂

LolaSmiles · 06/11/2020 06:43

MacDuffsMuff
I see what that poster means.

The OP seems to be confusing someone using the term fur baby with all sorts of other pet owning behaviour.
E.g treating them like children
Allowing them on beds
Allowing pets into certain rooms in the house
Dressing pets up
Etc
Some of the behaviours get an 'ick' attached to it and then theres the whole 'my dogs are well trained and eat dog dood', which implies the fur babies must be badly trained and be eating gourmet meals daily.

The people I know who say fur babies use it as an affectionate way to talk about their pets. I find it cheesy and hate the term, but it would be a stretch to decide what they're like as owners based on one term of affection.

purpleme12 · 06/11/2020 06:44

@Bunbunbunny

I haven't been able to have children, they're rabbits to most people. To me they are my fur babies, they bring me so much joy and have their own personalities. I'm unlikely to experience what it's like to be a mum, I know it's different to children but I love looking after them, having them come up to me for cuddles. They help ease a deep pain I could never tell my friends I feel. I honestly would have given up on life at one point when I was at my lowest. When I had a miscarriage last year my rabbit slept by side for three days and stayed by me. I cant describe the comfort of knowing he wanted to be near me the whole time. He's not just a rabbit to me he's my boy.

I don't get why people get so snobbish about people that lavish love on animals, better they are loved than neglected. It's not harming anyone, judge the arseholes who mistreat their animals.

Your bunny sounds absolutely adorable ❤️
vanillandhoney · 06/11/2020 06:52

I'm not getting that from the OP at all. I'm not sure what makes her sound 'superior'. 😂

Are we reading the same OP?

She basically thinks anyone who uses the term "fur baby" must automatically have a dog who is badly trained because (gasp) they sleep on the bed or are allowed on the sofa and get given human scraps.

Her second post is incredibly smug imo.

midnightstar66 · 06/11/2020 06:53

I'm I'm not getting that from the OP at all. I'm not sure what makes her sound 'superior'.

It was the second post before anyone had even replied with the long description of the way she cares for her 'not fur baby' and her decision that anyone who uses the term must not be so fabulous

Girlintheframe · 06/11/2020 06:56

We adore our dog! Absolutely adore him. He is very much part of the family!
Our children are grown up now and I do admit all that maternal love I put onto the dog.
But he doesn't rule the roost. He is disciplined and very well behaved but part of the reason i took so much time training him is because I love him so much if that makes sense.
We spend a fortune on treats/activities to enrich his life.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 06/11/2020 07:15

A dog is a dog. Its not a person in a fur suit. Its not fair to treat it like a person in a fur suit, either

Anthropomorphizing animals can be actually dangerous, if it stops us from understanding that they think and respond differently from us. For example, calling a dog a baby's 'fur brother' and allowing it unfettered access is very unwise.

It's also not fair on the dog to humanise it, either.

I love my dogs and expend a huge amount of time and energy (never mind money) on them. I might call one of my dogs 'baby' when giving it a cuddle, but I'd never describe them as fur babies.

I also loathe the terms 'pawrent' and 'furever home'.

RishiMcRichface · 06/11/2020 07:16

Proud Furmama here, my furbaby sleeps on the bed, gets her own roast dinner, gets spoiled, has her own advent calendar and I have trained her to give me a kiss. I also get cross about fireworks going off and upsetting her.

I actually know she is a dog not a human but she is an intelligent animal with her own little personality and she is very sweet and loving towards us so she is part of the family not just an animal we keep.

I do understand that some people go too far and become unrealistic about their pets, my elderly neighbour has a dog that will nip people and she clearly doesn't understand the seriousness of this and excuses him on the grounds that people shouldn't approach him without asking first.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 06/11/2020 07:28

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

I call my dog 'furbaby' as a nickname. Using this nickname has not caused me to delusionally believe that my dog is a person in a skin suit, or that she is the same as a human. Hmm We get on just fine, nothing dangerous has happened. Grin

FreysGrumble · 06/11/2020 09:36

Does it matter what term people refer to their pets as? As long as the pet is happy and their needs are met and wants respected then it does it matter?

I think each pet and owners relationship is unique as all pets have different personalities and wants, whilst each owner has different opinions are lifestyles, there is really no one size fits all.

I adore my cat, and have been known to refer to her as my baby before. However she its not a cuddly cat and prefers sitting near me to sitting on my lap, and I respect that and don't force her and give her the space she wants (demands!).

I think the only danger with 'fur babies' is when people expect there pets to fulfil an emotional need they can't and forget they are pets with their own needs. Though to be fair its pretty hard to forget they are pets when you have a small furry thing loudly meowing at you.

Nottherealslimshady · 06/11/2020 09:44

I dont use the term fur baby, I think it's an extreme mindset where your dog is replacing a baby and I dont think it's good for the dog or person. But my dog is also not JUST a dog. I've raised her, I've seen her triumph, I've seen her fail, I've supported her up mountains, she's supported me up mountains, she's come to me for help when she's got herself in bother, I've faught for her, I know her emotions, I know what scares her, what makes her happy, I know she'll love our baby more than life itself and I would risk my life for her. She's a member of my family that I am fully responsible for, she depends on me to look after her and keep her happy.

But, I dont see an animals like the majority of people, I save bees, lady birds, spiders, I dont eat meat. Animals aren't JUST animals, they think and feel like we do, they just cant speak our language and we cant speak theirs.

lazylinguist · 06/11/2020 09:54

YABU and YANBU. 'Fur baby' is an irritatingly twee term. But YABU if you think that the world is neatly divided into two distinct groups - 'normal people like you' who treat their pets like pets and weirdos who dress their dogs in outfits and feed them human food on fancy plates. People love their pets and they show that in a wide range of ways, none of which actually mean they think their pet is the same as a human baby.

EarPhones · 06/11/2020 10:09

My dog is my furbaby. His innocence and unconditional love has my heart melted. Don't care who judges. You associated bad pet behaviours to people who use the term furbaby and feel that's not fair.

Nobodyknowsme101 · 06/11/2020 10:41

YABU
My dog is one of my children although I dont refer to her as a 'fur baby' she sleeps with me, cuddles up with me when I sit down and follows me to every room I am in. She is included in holidays, days out etc and I talk to her like shes a toddler 🤣
What is the point in having a pet if you dont treat it and refer to it as one of the family lol.

Abendintheriver · 06/11/2020 11:04

I guess I'm exactly the sort of person you're talking about 😂 my dog sleeps in our room, I kiss his face, he has home made food and his teeth cleaned every night. He also has indoor and outdoor coats, but they're practical as he's a greyhound and feels the cold (and the indoor one encourages him to stay on his own bed all night and not get up for his morning cuddle at 2am)

He is not, however, my baby, fur or otherwise and I cringe when people refer to me as his mummy. I do love him to pieces though!

RedRocketGirl · 06/11/2020 11:29

@TiersTiersTiers

Could someone that has voted YABU - a dog is a fur baby explain why they refer to them as that?

Genuinely interested. Thanks

...but you are not really 'genuinely interested' though are you?

Your thread is more about how wrong / strange some dog owners are VS how right you are.

Well good for you for having such a perfect dog, well done.

You do you as they say, but maybe you try being a little less judgmental and superior about how others live their lives?

ladybee28 · 06/11/2020 11:34

@TiersTiersTiers

Oh and people that don't have children. Children substitutes.
Children alternatives, not substitutes.

Not everyone wants a child – for some of us, a dog is first choice. Although even if a child WAS first choice, it's a bit low of you to talk about what childless couples might do to ease that pain in those terms.

And the proportion of dog owners who actually act like you're talking about in real life is MINISCULE.

MN acts like 95% of dog owners are bottle-feeding their Rottweilers – it's utter bollocks.

SockDrawer · 06/11/2020 11:42

Although even if a child WAS first choice, it's a bit low of you to talk about what childless couples might do to ease that pain in those terms.

^ Exactly this. This isn’t my situation but anyone with empathy can see that the way you’re talking could be hurtful to those who are.

@TiersTiersTiers I think you’re trying to come across as funny but really you’re just coming across as judgemental.

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/11/2020 11:44

Theres a lot of people who keep saying 'a dog is a dog' etc...

A dog is rather uniquely, a species evolved alongside humans and its unlikely either species would have turned out quite the way they have without the other.

We did not domesticate dogs, but it is almost certainly the 'furbaby' type people among early man who favoured and thereby selected for cute features, large eyes, interesting coat colours or ears etc, once the process of selecting for friendliness/against fear/aggression had changed the wolf ancestors appearance sufficiently for those features to appear.

A dog experiences emotion, they are less complex emotions than ours but they experience fear, joy, pleasure, anxiety, and even conflicted emotions..

Dogs have an awareness of self, which for a long time we thought only humans and great apes were capable of (because dogs tend to fail the mirror test, but dogs are not visually brilliant, using scent however, its a different story entirely!).

Dogs can learn abstract concepts, I have taught my lurcher (and far better trainers than I have done this plenty) to differentiate between large/small, left of/right of, up and down, with a variety of objects and in a variety of locations.

For those mocking dogs sleeping with their owners and yet saying 'a dog is a dog'.... dogs are a gregarious social species, asking a dog to sleep entirely alone shut in a room some distance from the rest of the social group is utterly alien, completely un-dog like. If you want to go with 'dog is a dog, should be treated like a dog' then you should let your dog sleep in a big ole pile with the rest of the group, in your bed!

Dogs lick faces to communicate, its also a bond building interaction between group members - I am not a huge fan for the reasons people have mentioned but I don't mind a polite (dry) lick, I understand its purpose and intent 'we are a group, we belong together, i want to be with you'. Again if you want to have your dogs behave like dogs, face licking is a part of that...

Dogs eat dog food - well only for the last 80 - 100 years they have. Before that, dogs just ate... food. Much of it food we didn't really want, but it's still all food.

So maybe give the 'furbaby' (not a term I have ever used, but my dogs are more likely collectively referred to as 'hairy freeloaders') people a break, because you 'dog is a dog' people are in many cases forcing your dogs to behave like something very undog like - I think dogs are dogs only when thats actually convenient to you, and dog is a piece of property you can shut away or suppress the behaviour of the rest of the time.

Mittens030869 · 06/11/2020 11:58

The fact that domestic dogs can be trained to the extent that blind people can put their absolute trust in them shows that they genuinely are unique as a species. I'm not a dog owner because I don't want that level of commitment (plus I'm very much a crazy cat lady! Grin), but I can really understand the bond between dogs and humans having grown up with a dog and with my DSis and a close friend having dogs as beloved pets.

79andnotout · 06/11/2020 12:02

Another greyhound owner here who has more coats for my dogs than I have for myself. They absolutely sleep in the bed and have the run of the house. The don't lick my face (they're too cool for that), but might lick my feet if I've been especially worthy of their attention. I also have two cats, and hope, in the near future to have a load of goats and chickens too, which will also have names, and personalities, and the best conditions of life I can give them.

They're all animals, but deserve to live their best life! None of my care counteracts their health and well being. Just because they have coats and sleep on the bed, doesn't mean they are unruly and ill behaved.

yelyah22 · 06/11/2020 12:22

Not sure if you're being deliberately goady or just so narrowminded that you couldn't consider other people have different priorities to you...!

Interesting choice to suggest that childless people and 'crazy' people are the only ones gaga over their pets, though. Nice.

yelyah22 · 06/11/2020 12:25

(I have 3 cats who I love like family. They sleep on my bed - one of them under the covers because he thinks he's people - they get the very best food and enrichment and vet care I can afford for them, and I much prefer them to children. I couldn't give a shit if you think it's weird, when I'm doing my cat's voices out loud then I am Mama WinkGrin)

Judgemental bollocks.