Judged for getting married young

[BabyMummy2020]

I met my hubby at school when we were 16 and we got married 2 years ago when we were both 20. We've just had our first baby and we also bought our little terrace. I always feel like people are judging us for getting married young tho and I can't understand why. We pay our way own our house etc. We are really happy!! AIBU?!?!

I always feel like people are judging us

Has anybody actually expressed judgement towards you or have you just credited yourself with the ability to read minds because you feel insecure?

You're describing your feelings of other people's thoughts, not anything that has been said. Other people aren't responsible for what you're assuming and imagining they think!

I got married at 20, and yes people judge (and it's often judgemental comments so I'm not imagining it)

Develop a thick skin and ignore, it's all you can do really.

YABU for caring what other people think. Why do you?

I married in my late teens, and our eldest married at 20. We have been happy. I also felt sometimes judged when I was young, but you forget as the years roll by. Just enjoy what you have and relax.

I’ll just leave this here:

What have people said and done that makes you feel this way?

There’s a good chance it’s all a manifestation of your own uncertainty / awareness that your situation is not the norm (although certainly not unusual).

I understand what you mean OP. The surprise when you are having conversations isn't easily missed is it?
Then there's the incredulity when you mention you are married, own your own home etc. It's usually followed by " you should be enjoying life, not shouldering all that responsibility".... Or it's the " When we got married we had nothing, we had to make do with help with furniture etc etc"
People do judge, and many don't hide the fact.
As long as you're happy and your little family is healthy and well. Bugger what anyone else thinks. It's usually down to jealousy anyway.

What have they said? We need deets

@ViciousJackdaw

That's really useful fadedred, but I may have to leave out the F word if it's my mum.

Who is judging you? You’re not particularly young any more, you’re both 22 with a kid? That’s not that young, it’s not like you’re both 16.

Are they judging the marriage or the baby?

Take no notice. We were married at 23, so just a little older. Been 43 years now and it is great looking back on shared experiences.

I married at seventeen 😲
We were married 11 months after meeting, 3 weeks after proposal, for 5 years beefore producing offspring and have just celebrated 43 years of marriage.

And yes, I was judged.

*before

I had 2 children by the time I was 21. We got married when I was 24. He’s 10 years older than me. We’ve been together 15 years now with 3 children ☺️ Ignore any judgement

It passes, we were in your position about 20 years ago - we don't seem to attract judgement for it now, it passed gradually over 5-10 years.

When you grow up you won't care what other people think about you.

The mother of one of my daughters friends said something similar to me once. Apparently people were down on her because she married young and had kids young. She was mid-twenties with a 6yo and a 3yo.

I was a bit baffled tbh. I knew pretty much all the other schoolmums, we talked a lot, and none of them had ever badmouthed her for that, or even mentioned it. Although she wasn't widely liked, because she was just a bit of an unpleasant person in general. So maybe she just preferred to believe that it was because of her age!

I judge you for saying "hubby".

I would not judge you negatively for this.
I think it is better to have your children on your 20s if at all possible.
And being responsible for your own lifelihood is all as it should be.

I was 19 and my husband 18, had our son 9 months later, 2nd son 2 years after that. Both got our degrees and PhDs before 28 and Been married 35 years now.
There is no right age.

@user17163254865

I always feel like people are judging us

Has anybody actually expressed judgement towards you or have you just credited yourself with the ability to read minds because you feel insecure?

You're describing your feelings of other people's thoughts, not anything that has been said. Other people aren't responsible for what you're assuming and imagining they think!

This, specifically how are you actually being judged?

People often react strongly or judge things that seem very different. When people I know have married young, there is a sense of surprise and people are often a bit patronising in an 'aren't they young will it last' kind of way.

I think you have to try and shrug it off and think to yourself 'we're lucky to have met so young and we'll prove them wrong when we are happily married in 40 years time'. (I wouldn't say that out loud though!)