I obviously can’t look after my ds properly I don’t know what to do

[ThePinkGuitar]

He’s 4 already has s massive scar on his head my fault, I caused the accident I live with ptsd as a result 2 years ago it happened.
I’m constantly on edge and feel sick about him getting hurt again.
In the space of a week he’s feel over and banged his head twice again running around not listening to me. He only listens to his dad not me.
I give up I obviously can’t manage this child. I want to put him in after school club or get a childminder so he’s safe.

Children fall and have accidents. That doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Have you had any support with treating your PTSD?

Scars from childhood accidents are extremely common. I've got more than one, and don't blame my parents in the slightest. You are no less capable a mother than anyone else. The level of bubble wrapping you would have to do to eliminate the risk of children hurting themselves would do more damage to them than the occasional bumped head.

What Happened 2 years ago if you don't mind me asking? You know accidents will happen especially with boisterous kids. How does his dad talking to him differ from you talking to him?

How did you cause the accident? My 4 year old also has a scar on his face from when he was with me age 2 or 3 and tripped and fell on loose chippings when I was telling him to hurry up. He's also always falling and twice since the weekend has fallen flat on his face arms over his head on the groun- but I think that's just life and being 4.

I think if you need to put him in after school or a childminders but you're not the problem- your current state of mind is so get that checked out.

Shit happens op. You didn’t purposely hurt him, and he wasn’t hurt due to your negligence. I dislocated my dd’s left arm twice when she was little. I was horrified and felt so guilty at the time, but I was only playing with her and was unaware she had loose ligaments in her elbows. Accidents happen

I used to be scared that my barely walking dd would run from the living room, through the dining room, into the kitchen, and then somehow leap into the open oven in the few seconds I had it open to move things in or out. I spoke to my GP and she recommended medication for my anxiety.

You should call your GP and make an appointment.

Oh OP, small children do have accidents. How my DS made it to starting school is beyond me. I’m sure you’re not a terrible mother. If you were you wouldn’t care.

A couple of practical solutions. Is there a well being service in your area. Ask you GP or google it. Most areas will have a service you can self refer to where they can offer things like CBT or counseling. Also, and I know it’s probably possible atm, but when things start up again find yourself a parenting course. Not because you’re a bad parent, but because they can help you devise strategies to manage your DC and to manage yourself.

I think it's unlikely that you are a bad parent. Accidents happen; although it will always seem to the parent that it was their fault, especially if it was something that could have been foreseen, nobody's perfect on spotting every dangerous situation. 4 year olds can be very boisterous, and it's not very surprising that they hurt themselves. (Mine had loads of energy at that stage - I remember her getting very good use out of a small spacehopper - we were lucky that our living room was large, or I suspect she'd have got a few injuries bouncing into things. She did have an A&E trip just after starting school - just running around excited with not enough control.)

It sounds like you could do with a bit of support, just to give you more confidence in your own abilities. It might be well worth getting in touch with your health visitor - they may be able to reassure you, find you some help with the ptsd, and point you at any local parenting classes.

I have a scar on my head, I could blame my parents for causing it or say you know what accidents hapen and we make mistakes. Some children are more accident prone to others.

I’ve got absolutely loads of scars from childhood and I have lovely, careful, caring, sensible parents. I was just a clumsy child who did everything at 100 miles an hour and enjoyed risky hobbies like horse riding and tree climbing.

You’re doing fine. Accidents happen. Maybe there is a bit of a discipline issue to work on if he listens to his dad but not you, but that doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Dh has several scars on his head, has half a plastic finger after cutting it off aged 2, has a severely damaged big toe from dropping lead on it aged 3, has one fake tooth from childhood accident. They were in A&E so much they called social services. He was well looked after but accident prone. He's now 31 and every week there's SOMETHING.

Everyone has scars from childhood. Falling over and having silly accidents is part of growing up. Don't be too hard on yourself, please

Ivr not voted, because your not a bad parent, children miss behave for those they feel more safe with, both my DC have scars from potentially unavoidable accidents, but thats what they were, accidents, I have a scar on my face from when I was a 3yo too, you can't wrap them up in cotton wool, your doing great because you care.

Maybe have a chat with your GP, if you need a bit of support.
Being a parent is hard and emotional, we're all here for you.

Before the age of 9, I had broken both my arms, four of the knuckles on one of my hands, my thumb, a toe and I had sprained an ankle.

My mum is amazing and would have 100% wrapped me in bubble wrap. I was just incredibly accident prone. I still get bruises from just walking into a door, that I can very clearly see in front of me.

Honestly, please do not worry about your son getting injured. It happens xx

Just like many people have already said, I have scars from childhood and likely had many injuries that didn't result in scars and I don't blame my mum at all. You've said it was an accident, you didn't abuse him or anything so you're not a bad mother. Kids being hurt is just one of those things, look at any group of young kids and the majority will have bumps, bruises, scrapes, cuts, scars.

I had treatment for my ptsd so thankfully I don't have to live with it. I still have some residual anxiety though and I'm a total nightmare for constantly hovering over my dd. I know that feeling of being on edge and its exhausting.

Shes still had bumps and knocks and things though. Even constant vigilance cant prevent it. I still remember the first time she rolled and fell off the sofa!! I felt dreadful but it wasn't my fault. You need to be more forgiving of yourself.

I once heard something that gave me pause in the way I treat myself. I used to berate myself over every tiny thing. Then I was reminded, you talk to yourself more than you talk to anyone else in the world. Talk to yourself kindly.

When my mum was almost 2, she cut her thumb off - literally cut her thumb off, falling down the stairs holding a bottle of milk.

I almost amputated my arm on a cracked bathroom sink in my mum’s house.

One of my twins has a big scar through his eyebrow after a very boring trip over a toy, but he went headfirst into the wooden part of the bottom of the sofa.

Honestly, accidents happen.

My dd has 3 scars from childhood accidents all needed stitches. 2 from tripping over her own feet and headbutting a fence (playing tennis with next-door neighbour over said fence) and the worst 1 from flying over the handlebars of her scooter she split her lip right up to her nose, I thought it was just a nose bleed at 1st however it wasn't and needed a general anaesthetic and plastic surgeon to fix (lucky had her helmet on). I felt terrible and blamed myself but as the hospital staff said children have these sorts of injuries all the time it's part of growing up and scars fade you can't even see hers anymore after 14 years.
Poor ds fractured his cheek bone at nursery and gave himself concussion a week later also at nursery again he tripped over his own feet .
I was on 1st name terms with the local a&e staff when I was a child I spent almost 2 years in 1 type of cast or another some children are just clumsy and/or unlucky.
Please speak to someone about how you feel and your ptsd you aren't a bad parent and you can't stop all accidents. There is an old saying around here "you haven't had a proper childhood unless you've broken a bone and had stitches "

It’s in the nature of children to have tumbles and to get into trouble. They are so busy rushing around finding out about the world they don’t give a thought to accidents, why would they! It’s only when they have hurt them selves several times that hey become more careful

But don’t get me onto the subject of adolescents and risky behaviour!

I’m sure you are a great mum; if you weren’t you wouldn’t be still stressing about something that happened a couple of years ago. X

Both my kids have scars. With my eldest, well, I banged her head on every hard surface, corner, car roof/door etc from the minute she was born. She was sooooo big and I constantly underestimated how long she was! She’s fine. Go see your doctor or a counsellor. You need to have more faith in yourself.

My 6 year old has loads of scars. His older brother has none because my eldest was a very cautious child, this one is a maniac with no fear at all. He had a terrible accident when he was 18 months still has scars, was in hosfpr a week, I blame myself for that one but never thought about having someone else look after him as a result. Kids have accidents. They will have scars. Its part of growing up. What you describe doesn't sound that bad.

Hes probably picking up a bit that you don't think you can control him and he's trying to get you to.
He doesn’t need a club he needs you to access the help you need to parent confidently again. Where did you get your PTSD diagnosis from? Can they or a health visitor or the school link worker help you access some parenting support and some therapy like EMDR to help you cope.

I just want to add that i am sorry you feel this way! I am the same but it’s because my ex abused me emotionally and verbally and then tried to take my kids, put me though hell with disgusting accusations and I’m terrified.
My eldest is 7 and I’m fairly confident he will not brainwash her and she knows me but my boys are a handful 3 and 4. And forever bumping around and getting scrapes, I get constant anxiety as well. He will be doing everything to destroy me. I can’t wait until they are older, I enjoy some motherhood but most of it I’m anxious now in case my ex guns for me and says I’m hurting them , I feel like a helicopter parent just so they don’t get hurt but it’s impossible because They are kids and so boisterous as well! I literally can’t stop them from playing and fighting even play fighting , wrestling 🙄I I feel your anxiety and I am same Iiterally feel my heart beating and my eldest saying mum it’s just a scratch! Slowly getting better and I hope one day my ex backs off. Just so know you are a good Mum and we can only do so much. Hugs 🤗

What makes you think it was your fault?

I have so many little scars that I got as a child. It happens. 🤷‍♀️