I obviously can’t look after my ds properly I don’t know what to do

[ThePinkGuitar]

He’s 4 already has s massive scar on his head my fault, I caused the accident I live with ptsd as a result 2 years ago it happened.
I’m constantly on edge and feel sick about him getting hurt again.
In the space of a week he’s feel over and banged his head twice again running around not listening to me. He only listens to his dad not me.
I give up I obviously can’t manage this child. I want to put him in after school club or get a childminder so he’s safe.

Accidents happen . Especially with toddlers. You only have to turn your back for a second.

I left my son at a child’s table drawing . He took one chair and put it in the table then the other and climbed up. Ended up with a scar from a rounded corner of a small specially made child’s table that he fell on . Took no more than 2 minutes.

Not sure how I could have foreseen that one .

Looking after a child properly doesn't mean making them sit in the middle of an empty room to avoid bumps, scrapes and accident.

Children need to hurt themselves a bit as it teaches them what is safe and when to take care - eventually.

doesn't everyone have a scar on their forehead?
Now you mention it; yes, pretty much!

I’m sure you are a good mum. Sorry you are struggling..

@JuliaJohnston

doesn't everyone have a scar on their forehead? Now you mention it; yes, pretty much!

Ha. Yes. So true

I've got a massive scar on my forehead. I was running along at age about 5, with my hands in my pockets. My mum told me to stop, or take my hands out, but I refused and promptly fell over and got a rock in my head. We had to go to A&E and everything, and apparently I screamed so much that they couldn't give me stitches, so I had a plaster and a scar. My mum just said I was a silly bugger and wouldn't do it again, which I didn't. Children fall OP, it's totally normal. Nobody ever said my mum was a bad mum or that she couldn't look after me.

DD fell flat on her face so often she HAD to have a fringe to cover the bruises and scabs! I was so worried about the falling over I took her to the GP. Apparently she is dyspraxic and hypermobile! She is growing out of it, but still has very little spatial awareness and is covered in bruises! She is a happy creature and I keep 'special cream' (atrixo, lol, in a little jar) to tend her wounds.

My grown up children have had accidents.

My son has a scar on his browbone through hitting his head on the table edge.

Daughter 1 - has a large scar on her foot from standing on broken glass in a paddling pool. I warned her about going in.

Daughter 2 - was poked in the eye with a pencil at school, I had to come out of work to take her to A & E.

I happens.

I'm sure you're doing just fine OP. Loads of people have childhood scars - I have one I know my mum feels guilty about, she was rushing us to finish crossing the road as she was late for work and we were dawdling on the way to school and I fell on some concrete. I never thought for a second it was her fault! Some small children are just more hyper and physically daring than others and tend to get into accidents. My friend is the most responsible parent you can imagine, but her 3 year old is the sort of boy that if you take your eye off him for one second, he's up a bookcase, and he doesn't seem to learn from hurting himself!

I have a dent in my forehead due to an accident I had at 18 months. I could blame my parents as they were both in the room. But I don't. Kids are accident prone and boys are wild!

You are not a bad mum

@SinkGirl, the accident your mum had has made my legs go wobbly! Did her thumb get stitched back on?

Kids have bangs/scars and broken bones it happened it how we learn. You aren’t doing this deliberately so don’t worry. I think you have pure o, a branch of ocd. I think you need to see your doctor.
You are a good mum.

I also suffer following an accident my DC had. It wasn’t my fault but I was with them when it happened and had to deal with going to hospital and the surgery that followed.
I couldn’t sleep for months.
I kept replaying the accident over and over. Should I have done something differently? Would x have made a difference? Would it still have happened? Would it have been as bad?

I didn’t let them out of my sight for months. I hated dropping off at school. I hated leaving them. I wanted to stay at home and never leave.

I’m fairly sure I had/have either ptsd or similar. The worst was when it would pop into my mind with no warning. I felt like I couldn’t relax. I felt constantly anxious. I was waiting for them to get hurt again.

Tbh I still feel like this over a yr later. I don’t know if it will ever leave me or if I’ll ever feel over it.

I have a scar on my eyelid from running into the living room and getting the wooden arm of a chair straight in the eye.

I also have scars on my mouth from falling out of my dolls pram (probably best not to ask!) and again from running up the neighbour's path, tripping and smacking my mouth on their metal door step.

I'm sure none of this is your fault, any more than it was my Mum's fault that she produced a very accident prone daughter.

(BTW I should add that I've never grown out of it...)

I have scars on my chin and forehead from where I fell off my rollerblades and fractured my skull. I have another on the back of my head from where I fell off the monkey bars.

Another on my back from when I crawled under an open window and scraped all my back open on the corner. I also have a chipped tooth from where I tripped and fell off a brick wall

Scars are normal, I promise!

doesn't everyone have a scar on their forehead?

I have three! Two are hidden by my hair, but one just above my right eyebrow is quite visible. I'm very proud of it, as a teenager I used to make up bloodcurdling stories about it to impress boys. The truth is I fell down some steps in the garden and bashed my head on a wall.

I have numerous other childhood scars too, and I had very nice parents, if anything, they were a bit overprotective.

Honestly, OP, it's very unlikely to be your fault. But if it is affecting you so badly, please do speak to your GP or health visitor.

Who doesn't have a scar from when they were a child?

I have a scar on my left index finger. As a 7 year old I grabbed our brand new kitchen scissors to cut something (I think it was a model I'd made at school) and sliced my finger to the bone, needing two stitches.

Mum wasn't a bad mum because of that, accidents happen.

I think you should speak to someone about your anxiety.

OP, children do this kind of thing all the time, so please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are really anxious and upset about everything, can you take some time to yourself?
When my DD was little I used to make sure I took her to the park, woods, beach all the time, so she could tear around and generally go wild. She was always banging herself, but that's how children learn about the world. They're just like the young of every species. Can you get DH take your DS out for an hour a day for some rough and tumble to give you a break?

my DS2 was a nightmare- jumping off chairs and banging his head on the way down, was a speaciality. During one particularly great time, he was in A&E twice in 2 weeks and saw the same triage nurse. "Hello DSName are you here again? What is it this time" Luckily the second incident occured at school.
Previously, I received a phone call from a Health visitor attached to A&E who also spoke to my GP. He said he knew us well and DS was Mr Boisterous! He told me that when I took him to the surgery for the stiches to be removed.I am sure if he shaved his head it would be covered in scars. Lets hope he doesn't inherit his father's baldness genes.
OP, it isn't your fault , but as PP said, please talk to your GP or HV, because your fears are affecting you.

When ds1 was around 8 we went to A&E for the second time in a few months to have him stitched. The same doc as the previous time saw us and was asking some very pointed questions about the circumstances until ds1 got up, walked into the doorframe, looked up at it and said ‘ow. I walked into the door again.’

Some children are just very accident prone. That ds had stitches 5 times before he was 10.

As he grows, the scar will fade and be smaller. My son had one on his forehead and you can't see it now.

All kids fall over and hurt themselves.

When I was child, my siblings and are were always having accidents - it happens.

That said, I had a very traumatic experience with my DC at 5 weeks old, ended up in me doing CPR on them, whilst on the phone to 999. Cue ambulances / blue lights and so on. This profoundly impacted me, I still can't talk about it over 10 years later without breaking down - I'm pushing back the tears just writing this. I didn't trust myself at ALL after this even though it happened for medical reasons unrelated to anything I'd done / not done. I was frightened of being alone with DC. I was frightened of anything remotely similar happening - I never wanted to feel the terror and desperation I felt that day again. I did everything I could think of to avoid any risk and avoided being alone at all costs.

I got therapy. Whilst it still upsets me a lot, I managed to rationalize risk (most of the time) and developed effective ways to parent so that my child listens to me instead of my insecurity and self doubt reflecting in my parenting approach.

You're not a bad Mum, an accident happened and your confidence has taken a huge knock. Please do ask for help.

When my lot were small I had a season ticket to the local A&E. As soon as one child was better it was the turn of another child. I swear to God I used to blush going in the doors as I was sure they thought I was beating the kids lol.
One child broke his right arm skating, 9 weeks later he broke other arm in school. When the school called me to tell me all I could say is thank God it happened in school with witnesses haha

I think thats the ptsd talking. You could put him in daycare but he would have accidents there too. You will probably find the scar moves up and disappears beneath the hairline as he ages anyway