To feel old at 42?

[Glassythighs]

Ive just turned 42. Honestly I look quite young for my age so its not how I look but more that I feel like I was 22 just recently and that in a flash I'll be 62 (if I'm lucky). I think part of it is that my parents are on the brink of old age and it's sinking in they won't be around forever.

My health hasn't been great for the past 5 years due to chronic pain and I've struggled to achieve my goals and this adds to the feeling that I'm running out of time. I know logically I'm still young and have a lot of life left to live, a loving husband and lots to look forward to but I always find myself mentally fast forwarding.

Every year seems to go faster and this year has been a right off.

How can I stop thinking like this and recapture my youthful enthusiasm for life?

That’s how I feel too. If 20 was two minutes ago then it stands to reason that 60 is two minutes in the future. I remember my parents being my age and now they’re old. I don’t have any helpful advice, sorry, but it is a very common feeling.

Also interested to see what advice other posters have to offer as I am also feeling the same. Just turned 40 and it just feels like life is going by too fast. I'm probably over thinking everything but it's a scary thought.

Yep, my parents were my age so recently in my mind and now they are elderly. It makes me sad.

Would love to be 42 again.....

Glad to hear I'm not alone. I guess the answer is to use the feeling to motivate yourself to live and do the things you want to achieve but then not dwell on it too much. I think this year is just intensifying those feelings and the things thst usually distract us are not as available to us.

I had the same thought at 40 (am now 41) because in my head I am still 21. I honestly didn't feel like I had lived another 20 years from then.

But it did cross my mind how different my life was (even if my brain felt the same ) and how many things were different from even ten years ago , 5 years ago. So actually i sort of realised if the last ten years have been so life changing then bloody hell I've still got another 30 to 40 to go.

I'm not sure if that made a lot of sense but i realised it felt like it had gone quickly but so much had happened so what is going to happen next year or the year after , it seemed to slow the future down a bit

I realise I've probably made a hash if explaining it. The last 20 years didnt at the time feel fast so I doubt the next 20 will either. Even if they do in retrospect.

@miamarshmallows You make a very good point. In someways I've spent my life thinking its too late to do things and then in retrospect realising I'd been an idiot.

I was thinking this just last night. I'm 41 and was thinking about what I was doing at 26 - friends, new job, nights out and it's so vivid and seems so recent as in, I can remember what I was drinking and talking about on particular nights out. I thought in another 15 years I'll be 56 and will that time pass as quickly. My kids will be 24 and 21. Maybe this age, early 40s we are in transition from being young people to being middle aged and that's why we are all musing about it.

@shinyletsbebadguys I think what your saying is to live in the moment and not to focus too much on the past or the future and of course you're right.

I feel the same sometimes but try to give myself a bit of a shake.

I’ve had a great life so far, and I’m very happy with a healthy family so no reason that shouldn’t continue. I have everything to be thankful for. I’m just not young anymore (and not getting any younger!!) but that really isn’t so bad.

I try to remember that some people don’t get the opportunity to age with their families so I am very fortunate.

@goteam I see your point, I suppose at this age we just have lived quite a while and have many different life experiences under our belt. I totally agree, I can recall nights out 20 years ago in great detail. I don't miss that time but miss feeling oblivious to loss and pain.

I hear you op. I turned 40 earlier this year and it really does make you stop and think about the passage of time. I don't feel any different than I did at 30, but I suppose I am middle aged now.

I’m 41 and I feel that way but that’s because I was widowed at 37.

So I do really get this. I am 42 and I still feel the same as when I was in my early twenties and the things I choose to do are all the same. But when I really really think about it in the last ten years I have had two children, done up two houses, moved up in my career, managed teams, encouraged people, empowered people ..which were all things I didn't have the experience to do ten years ago. And so if I managed to fit all that into ten years - there is still lots of good to come!!

I understand how you feel, I felt similar, but a decade on - all I can say is ENJOY IT!!

@tunnocksreturn2019 I'm so sorry to hear that

I’m 36, turn 37 in the first quarter of next year and definitely feel “past it”. I think I’d feel differently if I’d had the opportunity to have been married and had children but feeling like I’m ageing and potentially having missed my chance fertility wise, seeing my parents get elderly and not having anyone else...it’s hard. I feel like there’s not much to look forward to anymore. I can recall 21 so vividly but it’s 15 years ago! I feel like I’m “just” in my 30’s but I’ll be 40 in just over 3 years. I’m worried about losing whatever looks I have, about physical health deterioration, about losing the only people that love me and about this awful loneliness lasting for the rest of my life (I had a busy social life and friends prior to Covid but not having much close family and living alone sometimes just IS lonely and there is no getting around it). I found myself hoping that if I don’t have any family that I hope I don’t live to too old an age the other day. I used to want to be “the world’s oldest woman”! I just mourn the little girl and young woman who had hope more than anything. I feel I’ve failed her and miss that sense of optimism and excitement for the future. Not having to worry about fertility and sustaining a home and retirement plan on a single income and wondering what will happen to you if you are old and alone and have no one to advocate for you or visit you.

@myohmywhatawonderfulday Perhaps thats part of my issue because I haven't achieved so much in recent years. Due to ill health I've not worked much. I did get married, buy and renovate our house but I've not achieved my career goals or travelled much. I did a lot in my 20s but much less in the past 10 years. I beat myself up for not doing more but its difficult when I'm in pain a lot of the time. I think its almost easier easier to blame myself than accept its due to a conditiom that might never get better and that I have little control over. Thats a different conversation though!

@namechange84 fertility limitations are such a burden in women and I think make us more acutely aware of time than men are, at least at a younger age. I chose not to have children due to my health issues but it is scary to think of a future where everyone is gone and you are alone. You do still have time though so don't give up yet!

Believe me, when you’re 50 you’ll be feeling your age too.
I feel achy, stiff and tired. I wish I was 42 again.

I realised last night I've been able to drive for 25 years!! That made me feel very old, I passed my test at 17. I work with young people and most of the time I forget there's an age gap between us, I'm sure they notice it though 🙂

You're still young, OP. You're at the point when age is going to start showing itself in small ways quite soon (just going on my own experience, obviously) but you are not there yet. Enjoy being 42! Get the most you can out of this precious time. I'm like a previous poster - I'd love to be 42 again.

Every year seems to go faster

I once read an explanation of this phenomenon that made sense: time seems to move slowly for children because for them, so many things are first-time experiences. The world is a novel place. As we age, the number of things we experience for the first time gets smaller and smaller - there is much less that is new to register and process. If you keep doing the same things in the same way, all those experiences blend into each other in the memory. Nothing stands out. Therefore, one way to stretch time is to deliberately do new and different things, or to do familiar things in a different way. I do this, and ... it works! When I look back on a year, it doesn't seem any shorter than a year did when I was twenty. Ten years ago feels to me like a time from the distant past.

I am in my 40s and feel that way. It doesn’t help that my 30s were rather unhappy, so I feel a bit like I am a different person to the person I was in my 20s. What I am doing is trying to focus really hard on the present!

I think turning 40 is a big psychological stage in your life. At this age people take stock of what they’ve done or not done so far, and the process of self-assessment becomes more acute. At 40 (& in your 40’s) you’re still young enough to make major life changes following this self-assessment process. So it’s a natural period of time for deep self-reflection, with the power to adjust yourself as necessary.

Obviously it’s not easy holding a mirror up to yourself but what can come out of that process is the truth you need to progress positive growth.

I'm 41 and thought that I felt 21 till I had a nice long chat with my 21 yo niece and her friends. Nope, no way am I anything like a 21 year old. I really do have much more life experience and insight than that. I might feel young, but my way of thinking and my inability to listen to mens bullshit is not that of a young one.