To be bored stiff of the same old thing

[90sgirl89]

I am sure it's 2020. But I honestly feel so bored with life.im not depressed. Just bored. Everything is so boring. The conversations I have are so boring. My day to day life is so dull. I'm not currently working and won't be doing for two more years when my children are fully in school. Then I hope to do something around them. But right now it's just not an option.

I just look at day to day things currently and get no joy out of them. I don't feel content.

I'm bored of being alone alot. I'm fed up that I can't take my toddler to playgroup. I'm fed up of the daily stuff. Washing up. Cooking meals. Going for walks. Doing my daughter's reading book with her whilst my toddler interupts.

I'm bored of the conversations with my partner who's been home since march. I'm bored with our evenings. I'm bored at the weekends the last few weeks. It's always bluddy raining or freezing.

I'm fed up of cleaning up after three messy people.

I've considered that maybe I should be with someone else. But I know that's actually me just wanting some fun. I wish I could do something exciting but no idea what.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and she was telling me about cleaning out her kitchen cupboards. I said to her. God is this what life is now. Talking about flasks and lunch boxes that have been gathering dust haha.

It's funny but it actually is really dull.

I hope 2021 is better as this year has really got to me. Now we've got a month ahead of lockdown and then we will probably get a half arsed Christmas before a cold dull January.

Let's hope by spring we can all start living again as it's really depressing.

I think that you have lots to be grateful for
Some people that I know don't have any of these things;

A child
A partner
You don't work
It sounds like you have no financial worries
I presume you have your health
You have someone to phone for a chat

You sound like me when I was on maternity leave - I went back to work 2 months early because I needed time to be me and do stuff where I wasn't just mum all the time and actually brought something new into my life.

So I sympathise. It sounds like your partner needs a kick up the backside on the chores side of things but that's not going to solve the problem of your brain sitting in your skull, becalmed. I'm sure if a friend of yours had the same dilemma you'd come up with loads of things she could do - set goals, do a new kind of exercise with a youtube video (barre?), learn to bake sourdough/knit fairisle jumpers/do reupholstery and start a small business (seriously do this because I cannot find a reupholsterer for love nor money!!!), do cosmic yoga/joe wicks with your kids, listen to audiobooks or a new podcast while cooking/cleaning and fall down rabbit holes learning about cybersecurity or the social class system in Rome or the CIA's cultural espionage behind the Iron Curtain using rock bands. I'm also super into politics, feminist activism, and environmental stuff to do with agriculture and animal welfare standards and spend a lot of time reading online, writing to my MP who must hate me by now, and signing petitions. Now my kids are older I can do a lot more with them as well.

My mum used to say "only boring people are bored" when I would whinge about being bored. It used to infuriate me but now I understand what she meant - the only person who could stop me being bored was trying to make myself more interesting!

Sounds like you need more stimulation. Could you do an online course, read books you've always wanted to, learn a language (kids will benefit from this too), draw, paint, write?

You can find ways to make your time at home more enjoyable. Look inward rather than outwards and remember many people would just love to have the problems you have. You've got a roof over your head, food, family. It's time to start being grateful.

And yes to "only boring people get bored". There is a world of information out there. Find it and make yourself interesting.

You're very fortunate. I work in a school with bubbles bursting daily as staff go down with covid, my ds in on Year 10 around the age where it's apparently spreading fast. My dh has continued going out to work since the first lockdown. It's all very exhausting and very stressful. You aren't at much risk, nor are your kids or your dh. I'm sure a lot of us would just like to have the 'problem' of a 'dull' life atm but be safe at home. Do activities with your dc, find things to do. Appreciate how fortunate you are.

My mum used to say "only boring people are bored"

This. Read some books and learn about the world around us. Play board games with your family. Start or continue a hobby. Find it within yourself and stop being dependent on other people to entertain you.

If it is cold, out a hat and gloves on. Coming home afterwards is so nice! Even coming home after a rainy walk is so nice it almost makes the rain worthwhile.

I have loved this year, being free from social obligations and being able to spend much more time on hobbies.

Online courses, reading, exercise, listen to music, online Baby Yoga with your little one, chatting with mates on phone? Just a few suggestions, mostly screen based of course but this is where we're at now. If you don't do anything with yourself then you'll be boring, and bored. I can understand the boredom though if you've been used to meeting up with people. But it's best to aim to be ok with life when they're not around too. Try to lift yourself out if it as life could always be worse.

Perhaps you could develop a hobby of posting on MN and getting unpleasant and unsympathetic replies, that make you feel worse instead of better? (Excluding the people who have made helpful suggestions!)

Fucks sake. Why does it always have to be "other people have it worse"?! Can't people just empathise with others who are having a shit time?

I'm certainly not in a fortunate position myself atm - job losses, financially fucked, poor health, clinically extremely vulnerable, worries with DC and even I can empathise with the ground down Groundhog Day feeling other people are experiencing!

Perhaps if people stopped trying to drag others down further and helped them up instead we would all find life a tiny bit nicer and easier?

You have had some good suggestions already OP so I can't really help help, but sometimes it helps to just hear someone say "I get it" (and I know this from my own threads!)

I am a bit evangelical about this (probably because I can't do it myself any more!) but if you don't already, running is amazing. It's just so different from going for a walk in terms of lifting your mood, when you get into it.

It's shit. It will get easier

And also, if I was stuck at home with young DC, even if I was healthy and in normal times without lockdown, I would be losing my mind and very fed up. It can be very difficult. I would like to think any woman in that situation posting on MN would get support and even a bit of sympathy, in "normal" times. These days it's even more important I think that we support each other and that means recognising and acknowledging when others are unhappy instead of minimising and dismissing it. If you don't deem someone worthy of your empathy/support, perhaps don't post?

Being the type of person who hears "I just look at day to day things currently and get no joy out of them" and replies, "think yourself lucky" mustn't make yourself happy, surely?!

no advice OP but me too, I get you, it's shit. Every day is the same and it seems like years since March but also like it was just a few weeks ago because there's been nothing to mark the time. Nothing has happened and there's nothing to talk about with anyone.. We've stopped phoning each other.

I hear you. I wasn’t going to reply, but then saw you’d had the usual ‘people would love to have your problems’ tripe from previous posters. I feel the same quite a bit. I also don’t work and there’s no financial problems etc, but some days I feel very vague about my purpose (have children, all but one in school), and this year hasn’t helped.
I have:
Been prioritising exercise. I try to run at least twice a week and do yoga most days.
Cook new things.
Try not to drink too much, but once a week have some nice wine/a cocktail.

I think a lot of it is the Groundhog Day nature of small children, I feel like I’ve had a two year old for ten years (nearly have!) and that is pretty draining.

I really don't know why you're getting these types of replies 'only boring people are bored' as you've clearly got young kids at home so developing a hobby, reading books and immersing yourself in anything is next to impossible with a toddler around.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a SAHM for the moment and have a baby and preschooler as well as a school age child and I am bored. Bored of cleaning the house, bored of picking up after everyone's mess, bored of meal planning, online shopping, planning what everyone needs. I'm bored of playgrounds, games, pretending to be interested in Paw Patrol and the like, I'm bored of my husband working at home. I don't see many friends anymore, can't be bothered to phone friends as there's nothing to talk about and don't go out without kids because obviously they need looking after. I'm so bored of being the housekeeper and my needs coming last but there you have it. I can't have an uninterrupted thought let alone actually immerse myself in anything until they've all gone to bed and then I have an hour to rush doing anything enjoyable whilst I'm trying to keep my eyes open. I feel so frustrated.

OP, I feel you. I'm lucky, we're all healthy, my husband has a job, school is still open but I'm bored and frustrated. This time in life would have been a bit like this anyway with young kids but I think but Covid has made it a lot harder as everything is a risk assessment now as well as there being no where to go and nothing to do. No answers but I feel your pain. Life will get better.

I get where you are coming from, although I am lucky enough to work. Our topics of conversation are coronavirus, politics and our kids about 70% of the time. I was back at work from maternity leave briefly before lockdown and so feel like it has been nearly 2 years since I have been able to go for a drink and a chat with a friend, go to a craft class etc. (I know you can do these things on maternity leave but I had an awful sleeper and so I chose to wait.) I know I am lucky in many, many ways and so try not to complain but sometimes the boredom is stifling. I like to have a project or something to plan and feel like there is no chance for that e.g. no holidays or parties, limited days out.

I can see both sides of this one OP.

I do understand what you mean about the lack of excitement in life at the moment.
I think that a lot of that is to do with the restrictions we're having to live with at the moment so it means that a lot of the spontaneity has gone from life.

Everything has to be planned, booked etc.

Having said that, some of the things that bring joy to life eg. holidays, weekend breaks, I feel unable to plan as we don't know if the rug will be pulled at the last minute then, as well as losing the holiday, a shed load of money has been lost too.

Everyone is in the same situation too so, as with your sister, when we do chat with other folk, they have no exciting news either so we can't get a boost from them.

Having said that, I do think, for personal sanity, we need to look within and use our imaginations to prevent us falling into a well of despair.
A mindset of steel helps!

Yes I was just about to post that it's possible for both things to be true. You have lots of things to be grateful for AND life with small DC, especially under lockdown, can be full of drudgery.

Can you go back to work earlier then planned op? Or could you get a volunteer role, or do some fund-raising? Set a goal and help others?

Well, it does sound rather boring. Is that all you do?

What do you like? You need to exercise and start something. It could be studying for an exam, an evening (online) job, studying for some qualification, some craft.

I really want to scream at the idea of another year without holiday, what's the bloody point of life if you are stuck at home, but that's not terribly helpful. So I have a few projects on the go.

The point is that when you look back on the 31st December this year, and then again on the 31st December 2021 (or your birthday, or whatever date you chose) you can appreciate what you have achieved.

You can still find time around kids, and life is too short to waste it waiting for things to change. We might have another year of that nonsense. Might as well make the most of it.

I didn't originally include this in my previous post -start some new hobbies or interests ?

I've got a day off work tomorrow
I've made a big list of chores to do
Then I'm going to start making some Christmas decorations (I enjoy being creative)
Then I'm going to go for a walk & I usually take photos (walk is part of an online exercise challenge, where I can see other people)
I am also learning a language

Try something new ?

I can honestly say I haven't been bored because I am lucky to have been able to read. But I know with a young child that is not always possible. But the monotonous lack of variety does get to me so I do understand how you feel. My husband and I have seen my married daughter twice since Christmas and my son lives in Canada so our world is small. I ordered a new coat hook the other day and I can't tell you how disproportionately excited I was when it arrived. If you can find a few minutes a day just to do something you enjoy. Put music on and dance round the sitting room or something.

I will say that something that has kept me sane, despite having little time and concentration is baking. I never knew I enjoyed it but I found a site that offers fun abs quite artistic baking tutorials so I've been doing that. It's something I can do in stages and fit into whatever time I have, baby can play on the floor, the others at the table while I do it. I think the trick for me is to find just one thing you enjoy and feel you can work on, however small or insignificant.

YANBU, I think a lot of people with small children feel bored and fed up (despite loving them and being grateful for them). And that's without COVID on top where you can't go anywhere (except out in the wind and rain). Going to playgroup and having a cup of tea and a chat with other adults used to be the highlight of my day sometimes!

I'm not sure how helpful the suggestions for things to do are. I think it just adds more guilt if you don't have the energy or motivation for those things. After a day of looking after small children, plus being knackered from being up in the night or at the crack of dawn, you don't necessarily think "great now I'll sit down and learn a language (on my own, at my computer)".

Yes other people might have worse problems as detailed above but then I could say to those people that at least they live in a developed country with running water and electric and food in the shops!! Just because someone else has a broken leg doesn’t make your sprained ankle hurt any less!!!

I have gone back to work this week after furlough and I can’t tell you what a difference it has made to my mental health!

Wow! I think you are getting a hard time OP. It is hard to feel excited and stimulated when you aren't getting a change of scene.

I think PP have given good suggestions but sometimes it is ok to just have a moan. YY it's all relative and we know we have things we should be grateful for but COVID is a bummer and you are talking about your situation and how you feel and those are valid feelings. I hope you find some things to inject some freshness into life and things will get better.

I'm not sure how helpful the suggestions for things to do are. I think it just adds more guilt if you don't have the energy or motivation for those things. After a day of looking after small children, plus being knackered from being up in the night or at the crack of dawn, you don't necessarily think "great now I'll sit down and learn a language (on my own, at my computer)".

then start a sport or physical activity.

There's nothing worst mentally and physically than slobbing half asleep in front of the tv. You achieve nothing, you feel sluggish, and you wasted your time.

It's not about spending 4 hours a night studying either. After your hour exercise (indoor or outdoor depending on how safe your area might be), shower, and spend 15 to 30 minutes learning. You'll sleep better and you'll feel better.

Or start "upcycling" a wardrobe, paint something, make jewellery, god knows. Something where you see progress. There are hundreds of things you can do to keep yourself sane.

I felt like you do but 20 years ago. Get a job it is boring being a SAHM in my experience.