Aibu to resign

[LD345]

I got a new boss in 6 months ago. She is awful. Negative, patronising, egotistical, criticial, constantly complains about people behind their backs etc. Makes zero effort to be encouraging and supportive, ice queen personality. When she started I had many bad vibes and after a few weeks I wanted to leave. My post used to be very interesting but due to the negativity and criticism from this boss my mental health is suffering. I am not sleeping well and having bad dreams and have lost all enthusiasm for the role. I have a young family and feel my job is bringing me down in other areas of my life. I used to love my job but now dread it every day. I am paid well but can afford to not work for a months and use savings. At the same time, if I were to resign, I am worried about finding another job whilst being out of work. Applying for jobs is draining in itself and I am worried if I were to resign without another job lined up I might sink into some kind of depression, especially with lockdown/near to Christmas. Then again I might feel liberated by being free from this job. My boss really is a horrible person and I feel my self esteem has really suffered lately thinking about my job constantly and all the critical things my boss has said to me recently. So, aibu to resign?

Not unreasonable at all. Things aren't good for jobhunters right now though, unfortunately.

Have you pursued any internal mechanisms for change? Moving teams, or talking direct to HR about your boss' impact on your working environment?

Get another job first. If it’s well paid there’s probably recruitment companies marketing jobs in that industry, get on LinkedIn and connect with loads of them.

Could you ask to move departments? If not start seriously looking for another job, just in case you leave and then struggle to find one.

Job hunt, envision your ideal working environment, get in a positive vibe for moving on and get online, there are loads of job sites and LinkedIn to see what is out there. This will keep you going on the harder days and you will be able to resign with some security

Find another job before resigning.

Thanks all. I spoke to HR a couple of months ago and they said they would speak to her. But absolutely nothing changed. Actually, things became worse. I am looking out for jobs all the time but just don't have time to apply to them because I work full time/juggling family life etc. This job is so draining. I feel like I need a long break.

Can you take a sabbatical and apply for jobs while the kids are at school?

I would look for another job before resigning.

Can you take a week off and use it to update your cv and look for a job? Just having an escape plan will help you to feel better?

Wish I could have a sabbatical/week off but I have used up my leave until Christmas I could ask HR but they are likely to say I will need approval from boss who will in turn ask me the reason etc. I know someone else requested unpaid leave recently and she turned down the request. I'm thinking the only way would be to go to the doctors and get signed off. I've never done this before though... not sure how it works or if that would be worse for me. Boss thinking I can't cope etc.

You really need to look for another job before resigning. It never impresses potential new employers if you are applying from a position of being out of work, and they won't necessarily believe that that's your choice.

Give yourself a couple of hours a week to research alternatives and do applications, and if you have a partner arrange with them that you are left completely in peace for that purpose. Use any holiday entitlement for interview purposes.

I definitely wouldn’t leave a job at the moment. Find one first.

You deserve better but I'd be very wary of quitting without having something to go to, having done this (terrible grief-driven decision, lost everything, little hope of ever salvaging my career or recovering financially). Mentally move out of your current role and focus on finding a better one. Be picky about what you apply for and spend time on a few quality applications for roles and companies that really interest you. Good luck.

Talk to hr again. Do you have any leave you can take so you can look for something else?

Just seen your update, that’s not good.

I would speak to hr again. Keep a diary of instances and if necessary take some sick leave. Good luck

I would talk to your GP about the chronic stress you are suffering and your worry that it is getting worse and affecting your mental health.
Being signed off for a week or so would give you a chance to recover a bit and make plans and applications. I can’t see how this would impact you negatively at work, as long as you’ve not already had loads of time off sick. Your job is affecting your health, you’ve tried to address it via HR with no improvement so needing time off work is a likely outcome.

I'd advise that you avoid getting signed off with stress if you can while applying for other things. If you can afford a few months unemployed then you can afford to take a small pay cut for a quick exit which may open up your options a bit.

Could you negotiate a working hours change( compress?) to give yourself a couple of work free child free hours each week to apply for things?

I've been in this position but not during a pandemic. Start looking for another job, it will make you feel better.

I used to dedicate one hour, three times a week to it, whatever it took. Even if it means not cooking dinner and just shoving a ready meal in the oven, or not watching an episode of Schitts Creek, whatever you need to do to find the time. Apply for at least one job in that hour.

You'll feel better because you're taking control of your situation.

It IS hard and demoralizing. It took me 5 months from application to resigning but I love my new job and am so glad that I left!!

OP this was me 12 months ago. Except HR couldn’t help me as we were HR

I took some time off with the support of my GP and I did a couple of coaching sessions. I decided to give it to Christmas to see if I could change my approach and perceptions then look for work if I was still miserable. I was and I left for a new job in April. I am much happier.

I did have a lot of other things going on at home at the time but my GP was very supportive and Occupational Health recommended a phased return so I had some time to balance my home life and work.

Could you reduce your hours maybe? Then you could remain in work but also claw some time for yourself back too? You have the right to request flexible working after 6 months service and perhaps you could use the ‘excuse’ that this year has given you some perspective and you would like to have more family time?

I'd advise that you avoid getting signed off with stress if you can while applying for other things.

Genuine question, @ODFOx, why is this?

It’s horrid to be in your situation, I sympathise.
I disagree with some pp, I really don’t think sick leave is the best plan. Ok it avoids the issue short term but it’s not going to help relationships at work if you decide to/have to go back and if you go, it makes you look like the problem. Definitely look for another job and make that a priority. Workplaces are full of awful people so learn a bit how you can survive or deal with this one and add that to your skillset. You will be better equipped for your next wonderful job. Be strong. Good luck

Go off with stress.

No law in the land that prohibits you from applying for jobs if you are off with stress, chicken pox or "cant-be-arsed-itis".

Good luck!

You would be unwise to resign without another job, especially in the current covid climate. A lot of companies have stopped hiring altogether right now.

Given the current climate my advice would be just get on with it. Don't leave your well paid job before you secure another one. It would be a very silly thing to do. You might find it hard to find another job for quite a while.
You say you don't have time to apply for jobs with working + family.. You do have time when kids are in bed and maybe even some time during weekends. Spend 1 hour in the evening updating your CV. Look/apply for jobs for 20 min every other day.. It is doable with any workload

It's a rough time to be looking for a job, which adds to the feeling of being trapped. However it's much more appealing to recruiters if you are currently in work, if you can.

Depending on the industry you are in, there is bound to be a specialist recruitment agency out there who deserve a copy of your CV.

Network if you can, tap up contacts on linked in, as people have said even an hour here and there will make you feel you're working on fixing your situation, which helps put you back in control.

Oh, and keep a diary of everything she does. You never know when it might come in handy. If you're feeling this way, I expect others are too.