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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to donate gifted baby clothes I don't like?

28 replies

hotpotlover · 04/11/2020 20:54

So we had a beautiful baby boy on August 12th. A couple that we're friends with has a 20 month old boy, so they donated us several massive bags of baby clothes. Most of it ranges from 9 to 12 months.

The problem is that I don't like most of the clothes, they have slogans on them or cartoon characters and I prefer plain coloured baby clothes. Also some of them look a bit ragged.

My sister has a 4 1/2 year old boy and she's loaned me his baby clothes. I need to give them back once my boy has grown out of them, which is fine for me. Her style is however more in line with mine.

My mother also likes purchasing clothes for my boy. So with my sister's clothes, my mother's gifts and the occasional purchase from us we will manage fine.

So I was thinking of donating our friend's clothing to charity. Do you think that is okay or does that make me a bad friend?

When they brought the clothes over I didn't look at them for a couple of days. When I finally discovered they weren't my style I was too polite to contact them and told them I didn't like them. I didn't want to appear like a snob. Technically it doesn't matter what a baby wears as they grow out of it so quickly anyway, but I don't want to put my baby in clothes I don't like.

We live in a 3 bed room semi detached house and I feel like these unwanted 5
clothes take up a massive amount of spaces, so I want to get rid.

OP posts:
Twigletfairy · 04/11/2020 20:57

I would tactfully ask what they would like you to do with them once you're finished with them. As long as they're not expecting them back or anything, I would go ahead and get rid.

Once they're gifted to you, they're yours to do as you please. But I would always just double check they don't want them back

Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:58

I would just contact her and say your sister has given you a load of clothes and so you just simply have too much stuff for the space you have and need to clear some stuff out. Ask her if she'd like them back or for you to pass them on. Don't say you're exclusively getting rid of her stuff. Some people, me included, wouldn't want my stuff donated to a charity shop - they throw loads away and charge a lot for baby clothes. I'd rather they go directly to another parent who needs them for free.

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 04/11/2020 20:59

I would double, triple check they don’t want them back Or passed onto another of their friends. Just explain you already have too much and don’t need them.

emilyfrost · 04/11/2020 21:00

YANBU, but I wouldn’t had accepted them in the first place. If I were you I’d sell them and make some money.

ImaSababa · 04/11/2020 21:01

Our DD was born in September and we have a bag of stuff to donate - so much horrific pink frilly stuff!

44PumpLane · 04/11/2020 21:02

I think you need to determine 100% that your friend isn't expecting any of the clothes back, if not then you'll probably be safe to donate.

Or you could say to your friend that between family and friends buying you new stuff you now have too many clothes, and your sister has said how much it means to her that you wear your nephews clothes as it'll be nice to have the two sets of photos of the cousins wearing the same stuff yada yada yada. Then say you don't have enough room so what does she want you to do with the stuff she passed to you.

ForeverBubblegum · 04/11/2020 21:07

If there are any first size or 0-3, you could say he has outgrown some and ask if they want them back or for you to donate. If they ok you donating the 'outgrown' stuff, then your probably fine to get rid of the lot. However if they say they want it back, your stuck with it in the loft for the next year.

Even if you do donate it I would recommend keeping a few of the least offending outfits in the back of a cupboard. Babies can go through an astronomical amount of clothes, and 'not to your tast' is better than nothing at 3am, after a spate of poonarmies or sickness.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/11/2020 21:07

Just say "oh by the way do you want these clothes back afterwards, if so I will mark them so I know what was yours" and then if they say no you can safely get rid.
To be honest people gave us loads of baby clothes and a lot was stained with poo or food, had holes in or was otherwise completely worn out. They probably couldn't be bothered to sort it all out! I don't think they were expecting it all to be used.
It might be worth keeping it until your baby has grown out of it though just in case. (Stick in loft for now?)

LucillevsLowkee · 04/11/2020 21:07

I was going to say, sell them, but if they are hand-me-down, just tell your friends you have too many.

I am with you, I have never put my kids in anything I didn't like Grin

Children will decide soon enough what they like to wear or not.

Just ask your friend! You were not going to keep the clothes once they were too small anyway.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 04/11/2020 21:07

There are often threads on here with people falling out over baby clothes and whether they were lent / borrowed! I'd do what pp suggest - either say you've got too many and give them back, or ask her if she wants them back once you've finished with them...and then only donate the ones that are actually too small in case she gets pregnant again and asks for the bigger ones back!

Kcar · 04/11/2020 21:08

You need to check they don’t want them back

mumwon · 04/11/2020 21:09

"dear friend you are really lovely to give me your baby clothes - but my dear mum & family have really gone over board & given me masses of clothes - so would it be alright to return them to you or should I give them to a charity? Can I say again that it was really generous of you & I do appreciate it!"

zeddybrek · 04/11/2020 21:10

Be totally honest and say you have a lot already and no storage. If she is a good friend she will understand. A lot of people seem to fall out over this.

Mrsjayy · 04/11/2020 21:12

I think you should tell them you are snowed under with clothes and the baby can't possibly wear them all thank you though, and stop accepting them from your friend,

Mrsjayy · 04/11/2020 21:13

and ask if she wants anything back,

KarmaStar · 04/11/2020 21:14

Does she want any of them back?
Be honest with some subtlety.
Can you just keep one or two items your ds can wear when you know you're going to see her?it wouldn't hurt you but would make her feel pleased maybe?
The rest yes why not donate to where they will be appreciated and used.

Mrsjayy · 04/11/2020 21:18

Keeping a couple of bits is a pretty good idea even if it's a jacket then she won't be hurt or feel put out

MBM18 · 04/11/2020 21:22

Hi OP, definitely check they don't want them back first. Saves any awkwardness down the line.
Also, instead of a charity shop, you could always google and phone your local women's refuge, mine is always grateful for any donations (ladies clothes, baby/kids clothes, home accessories etc).

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 04/11/2020 21:30

Check if they want them back, if not get rid. If they ask you can always say you got loads of bags and too many clothes to use so would it be ok for you to give to a women's shelter or something. They can't argue with that ☺️

Thehop · 04/11/2020 21:44

Ask what they’d like you to do with them ive they’re outgrown. If they want them back you’ll have to save them all. If they tell you to pass it on then save a couple of plainer jackets or whatever for a picture so they feel glad you used them and get shot.

Pass onto a parent if you can.

NetflixWatcher · 04/11/2020 22:02

Give them back obviously. Atleast offer.

VestaTilley · 04/11/2020 22:08

I’d ask if she doesn’t want them back, if she doesn’t then donate to charity or pass on to a baby bank or another Mum. BUT keep 2/3 of the outfits and photograph your baby in them at the right age, then send her a pic of him in them saying thank you - that way she feels pleased to have helped you, and you get rid of virtually all of them.

Nottherealslimshady · 04/11/2020 22:35

You need to ask what they want you to do with them when your son outgrows them. If they say they're not bothered and you can just get rid of them then donate them now. If they say they want a few bits back then ask them to come collect those bits so they dint get damaged in use. And if they want them back them honestly I'd just store them for a few months. Till you can give them back.

Original poster
hotpotlover · 04/11/2020 22:38

Thanks everyone for your advice, very much appreciated. I know that she definitely doesn't want them back, but I'll double check just in case. I'll keep some of the nice pieces and will donate the rest to a woman's shelter.

OP posts:
upsetandang · 05/11/2020 07:30

if they are 9 to 12 months I'd keep a few back for dribble, mucky feeding time. that age is a nightmare for clothes.