To wonder what happens if you tell a HV you’re not coping well?

[TwinkleInMyEye2020]

What help is actually out there? And are there consequences to asking for/accepting it?

I don’t know the answer but my understanding is they will try and help you. They can refer you to any services they think might benefit you.

What is it you’re struggling with?

In my experience they'll throw out the rest of the mornings appointments to make you coffee, talk to you and help you work your sling so you can get out for a walk and a coffee.

They might tell you to go to your GP but they will hopefully know of services to direct you to. If you are safely able to care for your children then they won’t do anything to stop that.

They can offer support and signpost you to the gp if you feel you need it a HV is their to support not judge you.

They will do all they can to help you, they are life savers, honestly!

When I couldn’t stop crying on mine, she offered help in the form of referring me to homestart, encouraged me to speak to the GP and made regular appointments to come and see me and ‘listen’

In my experience they will talk to you, help you realise that you're not alone in what you're going through. Can help you problem solve things that are hard and overwhelming. They can refer you to services such as talking therapies. They can speak to your gp on your behalf if you want them to. Generally give you moral support. For me, they made the difference between suffering and coping. If you're struggling, get all the help that you can, sooner rather than later x

Mine came weekly to chat to me and give advice

They will listen, direct you to services to help and encourage you to see your GP if appropriate. My experience couldn't be further than the busy-body, nosey, judgey type that HV's are often stereo-typed as being. They were kind, compassionate and completely supportive.
If you feel able to share a little more about what kind of thing you are struggling with, I'm sure there will be plenty of us who can reassure you

I’m glad other posters got help cause when I told mind I wasn’t coping at all she did nothing to help. Just said oh so glad you’re ok and moved on. Luckily I had a fantastic support network of friends and family plus a good GP so I got help but no thanks to get. I refused to see her again abs told them why!

Mine suggested home start. I had two ladies, one after the other and really did help. Let them help you. It can be tough

Before covid suggest home start, sure start centres, mental health services, support groups. Maybe social services for a family support worker. Now, there's not much left but health visiting and child protection social work, so probably not much. They are limited at the best of times, and these are not the best of times.

They can offer to see you more often if you are really struggling too.

Mine told me that I looked great and she was sure I was doing fine. So in my experience fuck all, but I really hope you'll get one of these other fabulous HVs. And if they don't respond well, go to your GP. I really wish I'd done that. Good luck OP.

I would listen to you and help you find solutions
I hope you are ok

Mine referred me to the perinatal mental health team (and let me cry my eyes out!) when I was suffering with PND. In the end, I adjusted and a few months down the line am much better.

Don't be afraid to talk to them.

Mine really helped with my postnatal anxiety. She was really supportive and made it clear i could ask to see her any time for a listening appointment, and helped me get appointments with the GP arranged when I kept missing the morning call slots. She really did make me feel like I mattered as much as DD.

It does depend on who you get but if you feel you have a good relationship with your HV it's definitely worth asking them for help.

Mine, started coming to see me weekly, offered info on local groups and supports, but also critically discussed me with my GP, who also started to see me regularly. I think they both saved mine and my childs life as I got so bad I ended up hospitalised. On coming out from there, my HV got my child a place in a supported Early Years nursery two mornings a week to help me recover. HVs can work miracles, but you need to tell them what is going on for you.

In our case, the HV ticked us off for raising concerns about PND and criticised us for even mentioning this when we should be 'thinking about the baby'. Not that I'm bitter ...

Mine was lovely. Got me a GP appointment, she also came back a week later and stayed and chatted with me for an hour. She would have come back again if I'd wanted her to but I was lucky and improving massively by then (about 6 weeks pp).

Mine said she was pleased I had spoken up, came round every week for a chat and got me to go to my GP, she gave me support with my medication.

Our weekly appointments were mostly just talking like a knowledgable friend would (I didn’t have family or friends in the country so that’s what I needed really) she encouraged me to get out of the house for a walk every day, told me how well I was doing as a mum and was just generally like an aunt would be to me.

Still talk to her now even though she is no longer my health visitor and she is always happy to call for a chat if I need her support with anything

Mine picked up what turned out to be a devastating case of pnd and referred me to the amazing perinatal mh services in Leeds (back in 2013 they were amazing, anyway..). Trust your HV and if you get no joy from her, keep fighting to be heard and helped even though that’s the last thing you’ll feel like doing

Mine seemed to want me to have a problem. I said I was fine. Which I was and asked me about 5 times because I looked tired... It was day three with a new born plus three other kids under 6 ofcourse I'm tired but I am fine.

Ask for help
There are courses and support groups that are not always known but they have acess
Also , it’s good to tell someone
Don’t think that it means bad things or judgement

Mine could see how tired I was, saw that it was because my son wouldn't go to bed, recommended controlled crying and saved me from severe PND. It took two nights (an hour the first night, 40 minutes the second) and the third night he went down smiling. Never had trouble with his sleep after that.

I had s friend with post natal anxiety, the HVs signposted to additional classes like baby massage to get them out the house and encouraged her to see the GP