Split but neither backing down - advice please?

[frazzledbasket]

I'm going to keep it fairly ambiguous as I don't want any bias.
Married couple, 2 primary aged DCs, one soon heading to secondary.

Both professionals working FT, Partner 1 with long commute so effectively longer hours, Partner 2 WFH 90% of the time, both with a good income and both could afford to buy a sufficient property on their own.
P1 is instigating the split, there is no abuse, misbehaviour or foul play on either side. P2 would have preferred to stay together.

Both partners want to stay in the family home as its very close to the DCs school and neither could afford to buy anything quite as close by.
P1 has offered a lump sum to P2 to move out. P2 is refusing as there is more than that in the equity and various savings accounts. P1 also has a substantial pension pot whereas P2 does not.

It's a stalemate at the moment and neither is budging.
What is a good way forward and also - if this was to go through court what would be the potential outcome?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I think in this situation, if it went to court, the ruling would probably be to sell the house and split the proceeds of the sale. Not necessarily though - it might depend on other factors, eg is Partner 1 or 2 going to be the resident parent or 50/50?Probably best to seek legal advice OP.

Thanks @SocialBees

Just to clarify both parents would prefer to be resident but neither can afford to step down job wise to do the bulk of the childcare so it would probably be 50/50.

P2 shouldn’t take less than half the equity.

The one moving out would need half the value of the house plus half the savings. Does the one staying have that much? Can they remortgage to find it?

Before you go down this road of splitting everything equally are you sure you’ll be doing 50:50 childcare in reality? Otherwise you’d be working on a false premise. Not saying you shouldn’t but are you sure the other parent is in agreement?

Ideally the children should be able to stay in their home. If it wasn't going to be 50/50 then whoever had the kids most should stay in the house. If it is actually going to be 50/50 and neither parent is willing to move out so the kids can stay in their home then it should be sold and the money split and they both find a new place to live.

P2 takes half the equity and a portion of P1 pension not a lump sum. Take to court of necessary.

The total assets (house, pensions, savings) need to be split 50/50 - can either partner afford to buy out the other?

The other way of looking at it is - do you actually want to be in the home your relationship failed in long term? I thought I did as first instinct but I realised within months that I wanted a fresh start not the money pit!

Morally, p1 should move out, assuming the house is equally shared. Fair enough to want to leave the relationship, but to want to take away someone else’s relationship, home, and some of the time they get with their children all in one hit is selfish. It’s up to the partner who wants to end things to make it as easy as possible for the other when there has been no abuse or an affair or anything like it.

P1 wants the split, they move out

Who ever leaves the house should get more than half the equity because they will additional inconvenience and expense.
If it will be truly 50/50 childcare and neither is willing to move out then a court would order that the house is sold and proceeds split. Depending on if someone took more time out of work to care for the kids then that person may well get a share of the others proceeds as the marriage cost them money

Although morally, the person who instigated the split should move out, you move out of a house, you dont kick someone out.

If P1 has a large pension pot that could be a bargaining tool. It's sad that it comes down to this financial grabbiness. I think the person wanting the split should move out.

P1 has the bigger pension, is instigating the split and is offering less than 50% of the equity + savings?

P1 is unreasonable.

Are you married? Because that makes a big difference.

Whoops, just seen that you are married. Really, you need a specialist family law solicitor, not a load of randoms on t'interweb.

PPs raise a good point about childcare 50-50 too - as P1 has a long commute out of the house, and P2 WFH, presumably P1 is around more for childcare - is this accurate? So is it likely the children will spend more time with P2 (& a reason for them to remain the constant working from home in original house?)

@NoSquirrels

PPs raise a good point about childcare 50-50 too - as P1 has a long commute out of the house, and P2 WFH, presumably P1 is around more for childcare - is this accurate? So is it likely the children will spend more time with P2 (& a reason for them to remain the constant working from home in original house?)

Obviously I meant “presumably P2 is around more for childcare?”

Have you considered buying a two bedroom flat in the area, and alternating weeks in the family home with the children, so they get to remain there permanently?

@FenellaVelour

Have you considered buying a two bedroom flat in the area, and alternating weeks in the family home with the children, so they get to remain there permanently?

Agree with this approach while the children are still young! Less disruption.

P1 should move out as they are the one that wants the split. Its not fair to want the split then effectively kick out P2 as well! P2 should then remortgage and pay out P1 half of the house value. Savings should also be split 50/50.

P1 seems to want their cake and to eat, whilst having someone else bake them another one for later!

If childcare is going to be 50-50 then I think the person who wants to split should be the one to move out.

Op said that they’re married.

Whoever instigated the split leaves

Agree with the suggestion that the children stay in the family home. Both parents rent or buy their own small flat nearby and live between two settings, taking turns to stay with the DC for a week at a time. If done well, you can all get together in the family home for Christmas, special birthdays etc.

If you don’t fancy being disrupted like this, think about what it’s like for children moving between two homes? At least this way, all the kids stuff is in one place.

When the children have moved out, sell up and divide the proceeds then.