To find being referred to by my initials at work really f*ing annoying

[cricketmum84]

Yah yah I know totally first world problem.

But a colleague of mine has started referring to her entire team and now me just by our initials rather than our names. Eg "thanks for doing that AN" rather than for example "thanks for doing that Anna"

I don't have a common name and there is nobody else in the company with my forename (3000+ employees) so it's not like I'm going to get confused with anyone else.

We have a very close working relationship and are quite friendly yet this whole only using initials thing feels really impersonal and offensive to me.

AIBU unreasonable to be offended by this? And should I say something??

Just to add - we are on the same management level so I don't report into her. We just do very similar jobs in the same dept.

If they are doing it to everyone, I’m not sure why you are upset. Tbh, I wouldn’t be upset even if it was just me unless I had unfortunate initials.

YANBU! She's doing that Territorial Pissing thing! IS hse your boss in any way?

Blank her, look around for the person she is talking to, say "Who? Me?" every single time she does it.

When she questions you look blank and say "Well, AN isn't my name, I have a name, it is A"

Ah, same level! Definitely Territorial Pissing. She is reducing the importance of you all, down to the Bots That Do Stuff!

Have a quiet word, alone. Tell her you find it impersonal, that it reduces the friendliness of the team and you want her to refrain from referring to you in a manner you simply don't like. And no, you don't care what her reasoning is, YOU don't like it no matter how much SHE might!

She has no reason to do it and you have no reason to accept it!

@CuriousaboutSamphire yes the territorial pissing thing is a exactly what I thought! No she's not my boss, I'm on a slightly higher salary than her.

I originally covered her maternity and was doing her job but now she is back I'm still in the same dept but with a slightly different role although we still work very closely together.

She's lovely in every other way and I feel we have a really good relationship but this is really winding me up!!

@CuriousaboutSamphire

YANBU! She's doing that Territorial Pissing thing! IS hse your boss in any way?

Blank her, look around for the person she is talking to, say "Who? Me?" every single time she does it.

When she questions you look blank and say "Well, AN isn't my name, I have a name, it is A"

Yes get the reputation for being the idiot who is so stoned they dont know their own name!

Well, that explains it! She is, probably unintentionally, doing a Cartman!

You WILL respect and all that!

If she is lovely in other ways you might find that quiet conversation goes quite easily! Just point out that it feels really impersonable and unfriendly and she needs to stop before someone gets upset or annoyed!

Change your name to Francis (or Frances) Underwood ?

I didn't get where I am today calling people by their initials !
No, C.J.

Yes get the reputation for being the idiot who is so stoned they dont know their own name! Which hasn't been used!

How do you suggest OP tackles it?

@DGRossetti

Change your name to Francis (or Frances) Underwood ?

I didn't get where I am today calling people by their initials !
No, C.J.

Haha love this idea 😂

It’s fairly common in my line of work. Calling someone by their firstname is too personal and calling them Mr/Mrs/ doctor etc x is too formal
It’s used as kind of a middle ground.

I often use my own or my colleagues initials when writing up notes
It’s not seen as offensive. It just is

Oh! DGRossetti is on a really good roll today

She addresses you by your initials in person? That's a bit weird. I don't think I've come across anybody doing that before.

I could understand if it was in emails and using initials for people there.

Doesn't she constantly get weird looks from everyone?

I often use my own or my colleagues initials when writing up notes Written down in notes is perfectly acceptable.

But I can't imagune sharing an office with someone you cannot call by their name and resort to initials, like some kind of Public School Common Room!

We have a very close working relationship and are quite friendly yet this whole only using initials thing feels really impersonal and offensive to me.

You cant be that friendly if you haven't already said, "Oh please go back to using my name, the initial thing is quite irritating".

I would not like this at all, and I would tell her nicely yet clearly that she is to call you by your given name.

I would just call her out on it. Sally, I am confused, why have you started referring to me by my initials? I find it very weird.

Do people refer to her by her initials too? Or she she "allowed" to be called by her first name - elevating herself?

It's totally standard in my industry

What is it? @harriethoyle

It's not been in person as we have all been working from home since March while our offices have been closed.

It's in emails and Skype chats mainly. We are a team of 5 all with very different names and it just feels lazy to write impersonal initials instead of actual names.

As per PP it feels very much like stamping authority cartman style and reducing us to the "bots" that do the menial work.

See I would have to take the absolute piss and the next email I wrote to be along the lines of "thank you AN, JS,JT, and RG for their input into the project meeting today. I have escalated the risks and the basis of mitigating these as discussed to SN, MG, HY, RB, SR and NG. They are going to meet collectively with the client and TG, KI and HY. When I have heard back from TS I will let you know. In the meantime if you can think of anyone I might have missed off please do let me know"

@WorraLiberty yes I should probably be more assertive to be honest. I'm one for keeping my head down and not rocking the boat!

I'm assessing all these responses for whether I raise it with her tomorrow morning when we have a long Skype call together!

That ^ wouldn't piss off anybody I work with at all.

It makes perfect sense.

I refer to quite a few of my friends, including those I work with, by their initials. They do me, too (I have nicer initials than nicknames). I have never once considered this 'territorial pissing'...? Very strange assumption.

Just tell her you prefer your name/don't like nicknames? Will take 30 seconds