To hate unsolicited help?

[CaribouCarafe]

Absolutely can't stand it when people (generally men) "help" me with tasks that I can manage perfectly well by myself. Especially when that "help" seems to be proffered on the basis of me being a woman of diminutive stature.

Recent personal examples being:

• Parking my car:

Within seconds of arriving at a parking spot, had a man agitatedly gallop over to STAND BEHIND MY VEHICLE and "help" with parallel parking. Well, I can't bloody reverse if you're behind me! (I have no scratches on my car or any indication that I'm a terrible driver btw!).

• Inflating my tyres:

Petrol attendant today wasn't bothered about the bloke who was struggling to inflate his tyres before me, but literally sprinted over to "help" me as soon as I parked up. Told him I'm capable of inflating tyres by myself, which he ignored. Had to be quite rude to get him to fuck off (he ignored three polite requests to allow me to inflate my own tyres). The idiot had put the wrong number into the machine as well, so would have under-inflated my tyres if I'd let him do it!

• Computer help:

Had a man at work give my unsolicited guidance on how to use a computer program THAT I HAD LITERALLY DEVELOPED AND WRITTEN THE USER MANUAL FOR. There was no sign I was struggling. Man was completely resistant to my polite assurances that I was ok, explanation that I'd built the program, increasingly curt tone, and subsequent death stares.

Anyone else see red mist as soon as they receive unsolicited help or AIBU?

YABU = These people are just being nice and spreading positivity around the world

YANBU = It's patronising bullshit and people should back off the first time you politely refuse their help.

It's got nothing to do with you being a teeny tiny woman.

'Helpful' men try this with all women, including almost 6' tall, strong me.

I find a smile and a polite 'thank you, I'm fine' is enough to deter them.

I find there's a subset of men that are resistant to the smile and polite thank you approach - literally had a man grab a shopping bag out of my hands to "help" me take it to my car once!

That would've got an 'Excuuuse me!' complete with raised eyebrow and death stare from me

Never had this.

I can't say this has happened to me much that I've noticed. Though last time I had a flat tire two guys stopped to help me, for which I was extremely grateful.

Frankly I think some level of looking out for women is probably a good thing to have in the male population, given that the other option seems to be generally not noticing when they need a hand.

Nor me and I'm gorgeous

Yep, I've had this when parallel parking on the high street in town, overheard one saying "she'll never make it" as I swung in effortlessly, to then hear "she must have parking assist" (I didn't).

Fuck off, just because you can't park doesn't mean I can't

shitinmyhandsandclap gah - that would have irritated me to no end (also love your username).

Goosefoot admittedly I'd be more appreciative of help if I needed a tyre changing, but inflating tyres with air is piss easy enough for a monkey to do it!

You must be a hottie cos I'm 4'9" and I've never had this problem 🤣

tobedtoMNandfart it's debatable as to how much of my face the man today could see considering I was wearing a mask! Not sure it's a hottie factor!

@CaribouCarafe

shitinmyhandsandclap gah - that would have irritated me to no end (also love your username).

Goosefoot admittedly I'd be more appreciative of help if I needed a tyre changing, but inflating tyres with air is piss easy enough for a monkey to do it!

You might be surprised how many people lack confidence about putting in air. It's easy enough but some people do it rarely or never, and it's not uncommon for people to make errors about how much to put in either.

I don’t think I’ve had this problem with random men although my DH is awful when I’m parking and tries to tell me what to do. Admittedly I struggle in his massive car but if I’m not left to it then I’ll never actually learn

user1493413286 oh I couldn't live with that - luckily my DH passed his driving test 6 years after me, so he's not confident enough to provide unsolicited driving advice

How strange. I've never had this.

Seems a lucky majority don't experience this! Maybe I look or move in a way that suggests general incompetence...

I had that a lot when younger, being blonde maybe they think in stereotypes: that you're a bit dizzy or clueless? Tbh , I wasn't fussed. If it meant that much to them , have at it re car stuff or carrying heavy stuff. The only time I would be annoyed would be if it was a work one. I'm good at my job & a new transfer started doing bits of my job, "to help". That got a very curt & corporate butt out from me.

If you are on the petite size, people might think you are younger than you really are, OP. That could account for it.

Yes generally men like to "help," when reversing, hate it. I can see perfectly fine thank you. Totally not asked for and is generally when it's a straight forward reverse, they think they're doing you a favour but actually it's distracting! 😡

CSIblonde - I do look really young for my age (I'm 26 but could pass for 18), so maybe that's it. Would be interesting to dye my hair blonde and see if it the rate of "help" increases!

Yeah the work-related one was definitely the worst. I'm an expert in my field but sometimes in meetings my clients will direct the technical questions at my (6'3" male) assistant, who then has to bounce the question back to my direction! Really frustrating.

I don't think I'd be able to tell someone's height when they're sitting in the car, are you so tiny that you had to peer over the top of the steering wheel?

Despite my size I have the opposite problem where people quite often get overly aggressive, I don't stand for it, they are surprised when a little lady gives as good as she gets, and it gets a bit heated. But it's definitely them not me 🧐

I've had this, it's really annoying. It seems most common for me at the gym, I'm in a competitive sport and have been training for 20 years, only for random blokes to tell me how to do a certain routine I'm doing. I know it's right, I know they're wrong, and yet no amount of protesting will get them to shut up! Men also tend to assume I'm there for weight loss - I'm not - and I've had one give me tips on that despite having a beer belly himself. Rolled my eyes really hard at that one.

BullshitVivienne Not small enough to need a booster seat, but my head is definitely nowhere near the roof of the car - does that help put a scale to it?

Ha yeah I've had that. Hot fireman moonlighting for my cleaning company. Customer directs all conversation to him, who consistently directs it all to me 🤣

@CaribouCarafe

BullshitVivienne Not small enough to need a booster seat, but my head is definitely nowhere near the roof of the car - does that help put a scale to it?

ROFL!