To hate unsolicited help?

[CaribouCarafe]

Absolutely can't stand it when people (generally men) "help" me with tasks that I can manage perfectly well by myself. Especially when that "help" seems to be proffered on the basis of me being a woman of diminutive stature.

Recent personal examples being:

• Parking my car:

Within seconds of arriving at a parking spot, had a man agitatedly gallop over to STAND BEHIND MY VEHICLE and "help" with parallel parking. Well, I can't bloody reverse if you're behind me! (I have no scratches on my car or any indication that I'm a terrible driver btw!).

• Inflating my tyres:

Petrol attendant today wasn't bothered about the bloke who was struggling to inflate his tyres before me, but literally sprinted over to "help" me as soon as I parked up. Told him I'm capable of inflating tyres by myself, which he ignored. Had to be quite rude to get him to fuck off (he ignored three polite requests to allow me to inflate my own tyres). The idiot had put the wrong number into the machine as well, so would have under-inflated my tyres if I'd let him do it!

• Computer help:

Had a man at work give my unsolicited guidance on how to use a computer program THAT I HAD LITERALLY DEVELOPED AND WRITTEN THE USER MANUAL FOR. There was no sign I was struggling. Man was completely resistant to my polite assurances that I was ok, explanation that I'd built the program, increasingly curt tone, and subsequent death stares.

Anyone else see red mist as soon as they receive unsolicited help or AIBU?

YABU = These people are just being nice and spreading positivity around the world

YANBU = It's patronising bullshit and people should back off the first time you politely refuse their help.

Never had this at all, also a small female. Tbh if someone wanted to go out of their way to inflate my tyres, they’re welcome to do it!

tobedtoMNandfart
Hot fireman moonlighting for my cleaning company

I've never had a cleaner before but now you've got me interested

Where are these teeny, weeny, tiny titchy women coming from? There seems to be a thread a week: ooh, I'm tiny, teeny weeny me. Look, can you not just tell then, I'm fine thanks.

midsomermurderess can't speak on behalf of all us teeny, weeny types but I'm currently in the Midlands.

My ire comes from them repeatedly ignoring the "I'm fine thanks" comments and only buggering off after I get rude. Then I feel bad because I've been rude, when really it's their fault for not leaving me alone.

I got told by the mecanic that my car was too big for me. It's a 7 seater for my 4 kids under 5. Maybe he's right, my family is too big for me😂

But seriously, I've never caused so much as a scratch on that car unlike my husband who has dinged it 3 times and crashed it once.

Where are these teeny, weeny, tiny titchy women coming from?

I’m from Wales.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying

I got told by the mecanic that my car was too big for me. It's a 7 seater for my 4 kids under 5. Maybe he's right, my family is too big for me

Hahaha love this conclusion.

My DH dinged our car once (actually more than a ding - more of a massive dent and scratch) and everyone assumed it was me! I've never crashed!

I was actually thinking along similar lines yesterday although more of in the vein of 'why do some men (I've never had it with women) have to step in to 'control' a situation when not needed?'

I was at a garden centre yesterday with 1 queue for several tills - 1st person in queue goes to whichever till was free first. Everyone calm and getting on with it. Man in his 60s walks up, looks around, makes a show of assessing situation, working out where to stand (he stood in wrong place) and the second a till was free, waving the next person on - who had already started walking.
Yes it wasn't a massive deal but it did get me thinking there's a definite type who do things like this - and are also the type to help you park etc! They just can't see why unsolicited and unnecessary help is so annoying.

The OP is 26

Give it a few years, OP, and no one will notice you, let alone offer any help.

I am an excellent parker (preen) and even in my younger, more attractive days no one felt the need to interfere. I am also of diminutive stature. I think I give off capable vibes...

IrmaFayLear great! I've always wanted to be invisible!

Can't say I've ever experienced this personally, but I do have a Resting Bitch Face with a sideline in Sarcasm. It sounds beyond tedious, especially your work colleague.

I may get flamed for this, but I like a bit of help. Opening doors, carrying really heavy stuff etc. I understand on occasion men can be patronizing and this can be irritating, but for the most part it is with good intentions.

I've had this many times and it really does give me the rage.

My FIL is lovely in every single other way but seems to have some sort of mental block about this kind of behaviour and does it ALL THE TIME.

Recently out with toddler dcs and one of them had a shit fit, he's very "here let me" even when I say I'm fine thanks multiple times and handling it.

He completely overtook what I was dealing with and insisted he carry dc back to the car because "he's quite strong and heavy"....I let him take over for the laughs because I knew what was about to happen. My dc subsequently battered him in the face multiple times with a truck whilst he struggled to carry him because of his sheer size and after lots of huffing and puffing eventually put him down.

I picked dc up with ease and carried him all the way back to the car, whilst pushing a buggy and carrying a scooter on my back

I hate it as much as the "ladies present" when a group of male colleagues are swearing. There's a couple that mention it all the time no matter how many times I correct them.

The irony is, I drop more C words than they do.

www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/

This douchebag patronised an author and proceeded to trump her own writing by TELLING HER ABOUT A BOOK SHE'D ACTUALLY WRITTEN.

It may be my favourite story of all time. 😂

PicsInRed - really interesting article! Ironic that the reply to the first comment proves everything the author was talking about...

tiredsandtimer when you said a "shit fit" I was expecting a very different (much messier!) end to that story!

Brainwave89 I'm not 100% convinced that it is 100% good intentions, which is why I think it bothers me. Something just feels 'off' about it to me, especially when they ignore my request to leave me alone. But I do understand why others may genuinely appreciate the help that's offered.