To think social media is to blame?

[Nobodyknowsme101]

Inspired by a few threads i've seen recently.
SM makes it so much easier to access things like porn, dating websites and to be able to hide things by deleting conversations/ snapchat where pics and convo's disappear.
Do you think its reasonable to assume SM can account for a massive majority of people cheating or wanting or having unrealistic expectations of sex after watching porn etc which then impacts their relationships?
I mean of all the people ive known my grandparents age 70-80+ the majority of their marriages lasted until one of them died there was no sneaky snapchats to doris next door, liking mavis' selfie on instagram etc.
But if they'd had SM would things be different?
Is SM to blame or are people just uncaring selfish cheats nowadays?

P.S I'm no angel and i have also cheated in the past which was started by seemingly 'harmless' chats over fb, if fb didnt exist then would i have started the conversation in real life....absolutely not. (Not using that as an excuse just as an example)

YABU- SM isnt to blame for changing people's perspective on relationships/sex and doesnt contribute to people cheating or straying etc
YANBU- SM has an impact and is a main cause of cheating/straying.

I don't think it's so cut & dry as they. Yes social media enables people, but everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions. Social media doesn't make people cheat. It makes it easier, but it isn't the sole reason.

People have always cheated on their partner since time immemorial, the only difference now is that they cheat with Sue from Snapchat instead of Debbie from dog-walking.

I mean of all the people ive known my grandparents age 70-80+ the majority of their marriages lasted until one of them died

This doesn't mean they were happy marriages or good marriages and I think you might be shocked at some of the things the older generations got up to back in the day (and still get up to now in some cases). Elderly and married is not the same thing as saintly

I'm.not sure that social media is to blame for cheating. If someone wants to cheat, they will cheat.

However, you do make a good point about porn being more accessible these days and creating unrealistic expectations particularly of women. It horrifies me that some extreme porn is so easily available and I think that the government should be doing more to protect these women who are involved.

Back a few decades, everyone really didn't stay faithful until they were old. It was common for people to have affairs etc., just that it didn't usually lead to separations and divorce. My mother worked in our Town Hall back in the 50s and 60s and says that affairs between staff was quite common and well known. Women/mothers would often turn a blind eye to their husbands having a "bit on the side" with a local spinster/widow, especially if they'd lost interest in sex as it took the pressure away from them, and they still had the security of a husband/wage/house etc. Yes, not a particularly pleasant way of living, but people did what they had to back then when there were no/fewer safety nets. As for porn, we had pretty hardcore porn magazines going round our school back in the 70s - it was easy to get if you wanted it.

Many many older people's marriages lasted their whole lives because they had/felt they had no option to leave. I have an elderly female relative who was treated abominably through her marriage and couldn't turn to get family as she was told she'd 'made her bed'

SM gives cheaters much more opportunity. It also makes people more likely to be caught.

Cheaters have existed in all generations, but I think it’s fair to say SM gives more access/opportunities

Also I think with dating apps there may be some people who are secretly holding out for someone ‘better’, just one swipe away etc

SM makes it much easier for people to cheat - access to more people for one, more easily accessible temptation and a variety of communication/privacy tools via the phone.

People did always cheat, but I think that there’s been a switch - whereas prior to SM/internet there were limited opportunities and some effort would have to be put in to nurture an illicit relationship (not including dogging/swinging in this!) whereas now there’s multitude temptations and opportunities for inappropriate behaviour any time one goes online.

My paternal grandparents were married for 55 years and had 6 kids. On paper, and for outsiders, that would be a happy marriage. In reality they had 6 kids because marital rape was legal, and my grandmother was brought up that divorce was shameful so she stayed. She wasn't allowed to buy what she wanted, eat what she wanted, have friends that she wanted. She thankfully survived him and had a few happy years before she passed herself.

@ReneeRol that's a good point, maybe the fact that so many get caught nowadays makes it seem like more people cheat whereas before SM there was little proof unless caught in the act or Albert left his love letter from his mistress on the side...

I dont think SM is the main cause. I think it's a person's personality but i think social media makes it easier to cheat and it's also easier to get caught.

Years ago loads of people would have cheated but there would be much less evidence and at times it was frowned upon to leave your husband or wife for someone else so cheating stayed quieter.

If someone wants to cheat they will whether they have social media or not

@rorosemary your poor grandmother
You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors sometimes.

You’re mixing too much up in one post I think.
Long marriages from the past are meaningless, in the context of women’s often precarious financial position and huge societal pressure.
Add in that thank Christ you’re actually more likely to have a friend tell you to leave an abusive bastard than tell you, “that’s how men are” these days...

I do agree that SM has led to more opportunities to cheat, but also more chance of being found out.

It's more about culture and acceptance I think. It's become socially acceptable to leave marriages/ relationships and to hop about having kids with whoever you meet.

I think people have children too easily in relationships that don't work out. It sickens me that you can now have a couple of kids by a couple of different men and not be with either of them and people think that is an ok way to behave.

@Marmitecrackers

It's more about culture and acceptance I think. It's become socially acceptable to leave marriages/ relationships and to hop about having kids with whoever you meet.

I think people have children too easily in relationships that don't work out. It sickens me that you can now have a couple of kids by a couple of different men and not be with either of them and people think that is an ok way to behave.

Every single woman I know who has children by two different fathers, and is now single, was let down by the men. I know it’s anecdotal, and in my life I can only think of 4 in this position. But it’s all 4 of them. 3 of them, fathers #1 and #2 left against the wishes of the mother. In one case, it was mother who ended it with father #2 - but he did punch in the face, so...

Eh cheats will cheat. They always find a way, social media or not.

Not sure SM it makes it easier to access porn or dating sites tech and the internet makes it all very speedy, but SM not to blame specifically I don’t think

I think technology generally, mobile phones/internet has made it easier for men to cheat. No more sneaking down the road to the phone box.

I think it makes it easier for those that have no desire to stay faithful

People have always had affairs And always will nothing stops this fear of god, the law, fear of losing their family, career even their life still doesn’t stop people acting on their feelings be it lust or love and being married certainly don’t make a difference

@workhomesleeprepeat in that context i do mean that internet has made porn and dating sites easier to access rather than SM directly.
But SM can be its very own dating website, people scroll through, find profile pictures they like the look of and message people which results in sex/affairs/emotional cheating im sure.

And the amount of links to porn videos my DP gets sent on his all male group chat through FB is disgusting. I find it all odd that they watch it then discuss and laugh about it. (My DP doesnt really contribute and finds it odd they send them all the time)

Much easier because it's private and therefore secret - not the shagging but the making contact in the first place.

Like others have said, it’s just another way of meeting people. Prior to SM people (not just men...) would have affairs at work, or with a neighbour or friend, or wherever they came into contact with people.

Every single woman I know who has children by two different fathers, and is now single, was let down by the men. I know it’s anecdotal, and in my life I can only think of 4 in this position. But it’s all 4 of them. 3 of them, fathers #1 and #2 left against the wishes of the mother. In one case, it was mother who ended it with father #2 - but he did punch in the face, so...

I don't think you can just blame men. Where they in long term (years) marriages before starting a family?

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you though. I appreciate that sometimes terrible circumstances do happen.

I agree that social media has made things worse. I caught my husband sending inappropriate messages to a young female work colleague, but I dont believe he wouldve pursued such an interest in her if it had been just through seeing her at work etc. It was made easier for things to get out of hand because of instant messaging. Social media has made everyone so accessible now and I hate it!

Thanks for the sympathy @Marmitecrackers but I’m not one of the 4! One child, one father. I am divorced though - which isn’t something I planned when I had a child, and isn’t something that was my fault.

I won’t disagree that some women make poor choices, and some are unlucky but had they wait longer, they’d have discovered that!

It’s just it irks me when people go straight in on the mother’s with multiple fathers to their children. Because in every case I know, those mothers are still doing their best to parent their children well. You used the word sickens... sickens me far more to see absent fathers, than to see mothers, still parenting.