To think social media is to blame?

[Nobodyknowsme101]

Inspired by a few threads i've seen recently.
SM makes it so much easier to access things like porn, dating websites and to be able to hide things by deleting conversations/ snapchat where pics and convo's disappear.
Do you think its reasonable to assume SM can account for a massive majority of people cheating or wanting or having unrealistic expectations of sex after watching porn etc which then impacts their relationships?
I mean of all the people ive known my grandparents age 70-80+ the majority of their marriages lasted until one of them died there was no sneaky snapchats to doris next door, liking mavis' selfie on instagram etc.
But if they'd had SM would things be different?
Is SM to blame or are people just uncaring selfish cheats nowadays?

P.S I'm no angel and i have also cheated in the past which was started by seemingly 'harmless' chats over fb, if fb didnt exist then would i have started the conversation in real life....absolutely not. (Not using that as an excuse just as an example)

YABU- SM isnt to blame for changing people's perspective on relationships/sex and doesnt contribute to people cheating or straying etc
YANBU- SM has an impact and is a main cause of cheating/straying.

I can’t speak confidently about the porn as I don’t know much about it and the impact it’s had.

But I would say that I don’t think SM is to blame for cheating, or making it easier. I think cheaters will always cheat regardless of their circumstances. It’s not like they were never tempted before social media, the intent is the same even if the method is different. Social media might mean they have more tools at their disposal to meet people and potential affairs, but equally it’s just a different way to how we met people before - at the pub, at work, friends of friends etc. And people still paid for sex workers pre social media.

I also think it’s a double edged sword - pre social media and smart phones/mobiles it was easier to sneak off with someone else without your partner knowing. Oh sorry I didn’t have access to a landline, I was working late and not near a phone, I got drunk and fell asleep at a friend’s etc etc. Nowadays it’s very easy to check in and people might become suspicious if their partners have their phone on them but disappear a lot. If anything that’s made affairs harder!

YABU. The only thing that causes cheating is cheaters.

@Gancanny

People have always cheated on their partner since time immemorial, the only difference now is that they cheat with Sue from Snapchat instead of Debbie from dog-walking.

This made me laugh... so true! My dad used to meet up with women in the park.

Mine too! We always knew something was up when he started taking the dog out "to see its friend at the beach".

@Gancanny Debbie the dog walker has got alot to answer for!

If your weak willed, it is easy to blame your actions on something else. It's funny how millions of people manage to have SM and don't cheat, yet cheaters always seem to blame 'opportunity'. I have had many opportunities to cheat, as has my dp I would imagine. We both manage to keep it in our pants and not fall into bed with other people.

@Marmitecrackers my DDs father left us when she was a toddler as he was sick of being tied down, and now my husband and father of my other two children has developed a drinking problem since his dad died so were living apart and our marriage is very much on the rocks. Sorry my behaviour is so unacceptable to you, what exactly is it that I should have done differently? Predicted the future? Given up on having more children at 22 for fear of offending a judgemental old bag? Or should I stay with my husband no matter how he behaves?

My mum still cheated several times on my dad in the 80s and 90s and that was way before social media.
It just makes it easier these days, people will always cheat social media or not

I think in the past there was the cliche of the secretary or the work colleague and now it’s more the person they’ve been chatting to online. I do wonder if we find out about it more now though through phones and the fact that we’re all much more accessible than before mobile phones so if someone then isn’t contactable it’s more likely to raise questions

I think people have children too easily in relationships that don't work out. It sickens me that you can now have a couple of kids by a couple of different men and not be with either of them and people think that is an ok way to behave.
Lol marmite what a judgemental thing to say.

I've 4 kids with 2 different dads. The dad of my first 2 fucked off from a long term relationship with a girl who was ten years younger than him. Totally out of the blue and we had a lovely, stable relationship with good jobs

I met someone else had 2 children but.he turned out to be an abuser. Lasted 13 years and I tried hard to make it work.

Hmm save your disgust and sickened feelings for the fuckwits who chose to trade me in for a 16 year old school girl and for the other who ended up being a domestic abuser.

Oh wait your one of these who berates the woman for.making bad choices arent you. Never the mans fault

YABU social media may make it easier but it’s not the main reason for cheating, people are responsible for their own actions. It very much sounds like you’re using it as an excuse for what you did.

I wouldn’t use lack of divorces as evidence people didn’t cheat. Times were different and divorce was much less socially acceptable. A lot of people stayed in unhappy marriages because they had no viable alternative. Especially women, especially women with young children.

You could argue social media makes it easier for cheaters to get caught because there’s a digital audit trail of all the likes, messages etc.

In the aftermath of WW2, my relative disappeared and his wife travelled the length of the country to track him down. It turned out that he'd just committed bigamy and she intercepted him carrying his "new wife" over the threshold!
Bigamy was far easier to get away with before modern communications and there was a lot of it around the 40s and 50s due to the emotional destruction from the war.

They remained married until his death a decàde or so later.
These day it would have been a divorce.

Social medis just facilitates behaviours that are as old as civilisation.

@Brighterthansunflowers I'm not trying to use it as an excuse for myself at all, I know I've said that were it not for the messaging on fb it wouldn't have happened because its true. It started as an emotional affair and theres no way I would have started that in real life.
That said I took full responsibility for cheating, SM didn't make or cause my poor decisions for me but it allowed the opportunity for me to do so.