I should’ve asked permission to book his dental checkup AIBU?

[Lifeaintalwaysempty]

Just had a blazing row with DH because I booked the family in for dental check ups next month. Apparently I should’ve asked his permission before booking him this appointment because he’s a human being with rights or something so shouldn’t just be expected to go wherever I’ve deemed necessary without any say so.
I say, if you don’t fancy it or it’s not convenient just say and I’ll sort it, but to expect me to do all the family’s administrative stuff, which I do, and to tell me how to do it as well, is a piss take.
To avoid drip feeding, it seems he is anxious about having a dental appointment which I completely understand- but why not just say no thanks, and I’ll just cancel his appointment, why all the drama?
I want to rip his teeth out myself to be honest.

Is this the first time you’ve done it? If not HIBVU if he expects you to know that he doesn’t want you to do it at the moment. Don’t cancel it for him-tell him he can do it himself

Yeh it’s a long-standing thing that I sort all the family appointments. He’d sort things that don’t involve the rest of us like I dunno a haircut?
Yeh I think I’m just not going to sort any of his appointments any more, because of his human rights.

Ask him what part of Magna Carta states that a Lord may not be expected to attend his own herbalist/alchemist's appointments if his maidservant makes the appointment without petitioning him for leave to apply.

Fucking knob. Let him end up needing root canal work. Not your problem anymore - you've been sacked.

I think he’s being ridiculous op. You did him a favour. I don’t think it’s completely bizarre to book your partner in when you’re all due a check up. Is he like this with other things?

Sounds like hes over reacted a bit but u definitely would have discussed it before booking any appointments at the moment.

Is this the first time you have booked a dental appointment for him? Does he usually go to dental appointments with you? If you usually go together then I think it is ok for you to book the appointment. If it's the first time you have booked the dentist for him then I think you should have casually asked him beforehand. It seems like he is anxious about the dentist so probably wants to do it on his own terms . Imagine if someone booked you in to do something that scares you without asking first. He probably overreacted a little but most likely coming from a place of fear.

We always go together. Have been for years. I agree it sounds like it’s about healthy/hygiene anxiety, which I’m sympathetic to, it was just that he flipped his lid and made it sound like I’d committed a cardinal sin by doing him a favour booking him in along with the rest of the family, as I do every six months.

So a woman booking appointments is helpful and a man doing it is controlling?

@MitziK

Ask him what part of Magna Carta states that a Lord may not be expected to attend his own herbalist/alchemist's appointments if his maidservant makes the appointment without petitioning him for leave to apply.

Fucking knob. Let him end up needing root canal work. Not your problem anymore - you've been sacked.

This really made me laugh while I seeth.

@seayork2020

So a woman booking appointments is helpful and a man doing it is controlling?

Sorry I don’t understand.

I know I am missing the point but what is Family Admin and how have I got through 66 years not knowing what it is ?

Sorry that was not being asked of you op but when I man organises something on here that is called controlling and there are red flags but when a woman does it they are being organised and caring and being nice

I've never heard of a family appointment at the dentist. I do all out family admin but not dh's. I don't even know what dentist he's registered at.

Your dh is being ridiculous if it's something you've always done all together.

You are both being unreasonable to have a “blazing row” over something as boring and mundane as a dental check up.

He’s being a knob. Cancel the appointment and leave him to sort himself out in future if he’s going to be so ungrateful and difficult.

Ask him what part of Magna Carta states that a Lord may not be expected to attend his own herbalist/alchemist's appointments if his maidservant makes the appointment without petitioning him for leave to apply.

🤣🤣🤣

What it comes down to is- wildly different marriage/partnership arrangements.

Some are living almost like disengaged strangers, moving alternately around the same space; others are joined at the hip.

It doesn't make one necessarily 'wrong'; and the other 'right'.

In my relationship, were I to say 'Oh, DH, the dentist is badgering us for checkups, when are you free?'; to which he'd say 'Oh, thanks, any Thursday?'.

I get that this might not work for others, but it would mightily piss me off if DH did all his own admin, without regard to the rest of the family. Yes, he could book his own appointments, but not if they clash with an already booked family appointment. We have a family online calendar!

He'd far rather I booked them!

If DH flipped his lid at me I’d be shoving his appointment where a dentist would never find it.

Not only does he owe you an apology but I’d also (even with an apology) refuse to book any future appointments for him. Don’t be a doormat. Let him exercise his hard earned human rights and see his long he likes it.

When I was a child my whole family went to the dentist together. We all went into the room and then took turns to have our check up. If someone needed treatment they'd come back for a separate appointment. I now do the same with my children but my ex (before he was ex) made it clear he would sort his own appointments and didn't want to come to ours.

@Lifeaintalwaysempty

Yeh it’s a long-standing thing that I sort all the family appointments. He’d sort things that don’t involve the rest of us like I dunno a haircut? Yeh I think I’m just not going to sort any of his appointments any more, because of his human rights.

Very wise.

But I’d tell him if his teeth start to rot and you don’t fancy kissing him much any more that’s also his own look out... and that he’s setting a poor example to the DC.

And I say this as someone who really isn’t a fan of going to the dentist and with a patchy dental history myself. Avoidance is definitely a bad plan in dental matters.

I have to order all meds and book all gp appointments etc. It seems to be expected of me. Your husband is been a dick tell him u wont do nothing else for him now simple

Oh dear. I'd cancel his appointment.
I get he is anxious but we are making it as COVID safe as possible .
After each patient there is a 'settling time' in which we all have to leave the room and allow the air/room to settle before we touch or clean anything.

Can’t he make his own dental appt? I cannot imagine making an appt for another adult

All he had to do was say it doesn't work for him and ask you not to include him again. I don't understand the need for a row over it.

YABU

I couldn't imagine booking a dental appointment for another adult without checking with them first.

I agree.

I don't call medical appointments admin either.

If it means he wouldn't go to the dentist without you making an appointment and end up with rotten teeth...then you have a whole other problem.

I say that as someone who is very scared of the Dentist myself...but my medical/health/optical appointments are my responsibility as a grown able bodied and fully functioning adult.

It's no wonder some men don't grow up with having things like this done for them.