Help getting 4 month old to nap in cot

[Porcupineheart]

IABU to want my 4 month old to nap independently?

PFB is 4 months and has always been cuddled to sleep. At night we cuddle her until she falls asleep, put her in her cot (usually be 7:30pm) and she stays there til 6:30am. She usually wakes once or twice during the night but will go back if we settle her (by putting her dummy in or picking her up and cuddling back to sleep). We did have a 1 month stretch where she slept 10 hrs through the night with no wakings. So we think she can self settle and connect her sleep cycles.

However she will only nap in the daytime if someone is cuddling her for the duration. If we try to put her in the cot (or anywhere else) she wakes within 10mins. It seems that the 10 mins have recharged her and she won't go back to sleep even if we try and cuddle her back to sleep. If we leave her she cries. We've tried holding on to her for longer before putting her down, but she still springs awake within 10 mins of being put down. She's been like this pretty much since birth.

We have a fairly consistent routine. We start bedtime routine at 6pm and she's in bed asleep at 7:30pm at the latest. She wakes around 6:30am and has a feed, change, play and is ready for first nap around 7:30am.

She is then on a 3hr routine of feed, play, sleep. So she feeds every three hours and has 1-2 hrs of awake/play time, then a nap when she shows her sleepy cues.

We would really like her to nap in her cot and don't know why she doesn't stay down in the day when she does at night.

We have read/been given various advice ranging from 'a 4 month old should be cuddled and not be put down' to 'you've made a rod for your back by cuddling her and you need to sleep train to get her out of the habit'.

I am being unreasonable- baby sleeps well at night, will eventually learn to nap independently in the day, and is too young for sleep training.

I am not being unreasonable- baby should be able to nap independently by now and needs to be sleep trained (if you think this please would you suggest what method we should consider)

Thanks in advance!

My baby napped in my arms until ten months. Caused zero issues, he's happy and an 'independent' toddler. It's not for everyone but I loved it.

I don't think it's an issue, but if you have a burning desire to do things whilst baby naps, get a sling/carrier. Most sling libraries are offering online advice and postal hires at the moment so you can get advice on what might work best for you.

Four months can often have sleep regression so try not to get too stressed!

I’m a big fan of having a good nap routine which leads to them sleeping well at night. With DC2 we removed their dummy at four months as they were relying on it to settle too much and if it fell out they couldn’t get back to sleep. We introduced a muslin square comforter and white noise machine (plays a tune for nap time and white noise for at night to differentiate). We put them into their cot awake after approx 2 hours awake time. I can’t tell you that it worked straight off the bat but it is definitely worth the effort in the long run! I think it is between 4 and six months that they form their sleep patterns and it is harder to adapt them after that.

Also, I feel it can be best to put them to bed awake so they can learn to settle, that way if they wake up too soon they can settle themselves back to sleep, I see DC on the monitor waking and reaching for their comforter then snuggling happily back to sleep.

@firstimemamma

My baby napped in my arms until ten months. Caused zero issues, he's happy and an 'independent' toddler. It's not for everyone but I loved it.

Thanks for your reply. What happened after 10 months? Did you need to wean your baby off napping in your arms or did it stop naturally?

@notyourmummy

I don't think it's an issue, but if you have a burning desire to do things whilst baby naps, get a sling/carrier. Most sling libraries are offering online advice and postal hires at the moment so you can get advice on what might work best for you.

Great idea to contact the sling library. We do have a sling that was given to us, but covid stopped us from accessing any real life help with how to tie the sling. I've watched many YouTube videos but might be best off seeing if I can have a zoom session with a library to give me the confidence to tie the sling appropriately!

Four months is a notorious time for a sleep regression so I’m afraid you might not see ten-hour stretches again for a while. The best thing you can do is stick to your routine but don’t feel pressured into sleep training yet; your baby’s behaviour is very normal.

It only had to stop because he was physically getting too heavy! Would've continued if I was able to! Just started putting him in his cot and he took to it straight away but I appreciate that's not the case for everyone. He's 2 now and thankfully still napping!

@TempName01

I was contemplating removing the dummy as it seems that it dropping out and her not being able to find it at night is one of the causes of her night wakings.

We do use white noise, and are contemplating putting her down in the cot awake (but are waiting on feedback from mumsnetters on this post to see if anyone actually does it and if it works!) So thanks for this advice!

I have a 5 month old. I think a 10min cat nap is pretty normal. When they get older more likely to consolidate the cat naps in to a longer nap. My lo only takes longer naps when in the buggy on the move.

@EmilySpinach Yeah I think we need to accept that the 10 hr stretches may be a distant memory for a while. But even so, we think the night time sleep is pretty good. It's the daytime naps that are puzzling us as we just can't put her down (but can at night).

4mth is still very tiny. This time passes so quickly, do you want it to stop because you feel it should or because you're genuinely struggling with it?
DS napped in my arms until this summer - age 2.5YEARS! Lol. He also napped in the car, on a mat at nursery, in his buggy or sometimes just lying on the grass in the garden. But during Maternity Leave or later on my day off, if we were home on an afternoon he loved to climb on my knee on the sofa, cuddle in and nap with his Mammy. I will always treasure every single second of those lovely sleepy baby snuggles. But equally I know friends who would have been driven mad by being nap trapped!

I would wait a little while longer and see what happens in 1-2 months. My ds was a terrible napper up till 5 months. He would wake at 06:00 and would literally stay awake until bedtime and was so so miserable. He wouldn’t be cuddled to sleep, he just screamed and screamed in his cot etc. And then all of a sudden he was a different baby. I can now pop him in his cot at nap time and he will settle himself off to sleep and nap for up to 4 hours 😱. Bedtime is a little more difficult, he needs a little cuddle or a rock to sleep for a few minutes but then generally sleeps through the night.
I would keep persevering with putting her down for naps in the cot. As she gets older she may well start to settle herself off for longer.

DS napped on/with me until approximately 15 months.... I just rolled with it and enjoyed the cuddles and rest time.
He started napping without cuddles at nursery first and once he was doing that I started putting him in his cot at home..... I still usually have a little nap myself in our room at the same time!

Haven’t RTFT but my near 7 month old still only naps when being held, and has woken consistently through the night since birth. Can’t get babe into cot late at night now and end up cosleeping which I didn’t want to do- and poor DH has been banished to the spare room for some months.
I am Totally exhausted! And quite stressed! Would be delighted with the good nights you describe!
However, personally I am not keen to sleep train. He’s never been left to cry about anything and I don’t want him to feel abandoned, or like he can’t trust us to keep him safe. I am hoping I can use a more gradual method to teach him to sleep independently. May as well make the best use of November. Baby sleeping well would be the best Christmas gift!

Get the environment right - dark, white noise etc. Set up your nap routine - nappy change, into comfy sleep suit, cuddles / rocks for a few minutes. Start this 15 mins before end of wake window. Then put down and allow to self settle to sleep. BUT consider all cot naps to be practice naps. Remove the stress. Offer a nap in the cot, and if it lasts ten mins... that's fine, it was a nap in the cot so it counts as a success. Start with the first nap of the day and once that is nailed move onto the others.

4 months is an awful age, yuk sleep regression.

It was just after that we gave up with dummies and worked really hard with gradual retreat and shush patting until they were fine being put down awake and would just fall asleep themselves. It wasn’t until at least 6 months that my boys would do good long naps but it is heavenly when they do. I’d agree with previous posters, it’s not the end of the world to let them sleep on you and be cuddled but nor does it have to be some screaming, crying neglectful “sleep training” either. There’s plenty of middle ground!

I wouldn't worry and I'd enjoy the cuddles! I wish my 1yo slept that well!!

My.girl is just turned 1 and still will only nap in cot 50% of time, maybe less. She used to nap in pram and bouncer till she got too big but has always napped best being held. I currently put her in sleeping bag(this helped alot) , then cuddle/rock to sleep - desnt take long if tired. Then wait 10 mins til shes in deep sleep before attempting cot. I have no idea why she sleeps some days and not others. Blackout curtains and quiet house/street. The other day she did 1.5 hours in cot, the next day she wakes up as soon as touching cot. Everything we are doing is the same. At nursery she sleeps in swing or a pram. She sleeps great at night 10-11h solid, and usually self settles if she wakes up overnight though lately shes gone through a waking phase. She also sleeps good in the car so is an option as well. I have been consistently putting her down in cot for months now and she still wont sleep there usually., except at night. She sleeps a long time too in arms so can be a bit annoying but i like the time to watch netflix (subtitles.or headphones). As she gets older she seems to be sleeping longer in cot so figure she will no longer need my smell etc down the line. At night i also hold/rock to sleep before putting down. Not sure how to change it now and it doesnt take long...so I'm not too bothered. I used to get worried/stressed about it but dont know. Its not that inconvenient and my husband also does naps of home so I have time to so other things. We only have 1 kid so may be a factor why we dont mind too much lol. The only issue is if someone else is watching our baby and cant do the rocking/holding of baby...or doesnt want to (MIL). Lolol

I had one of them. It would be a lie to say she slept happily in her cot at night but she would at least go down. In the day, she would scream if she went anywhere near the cot, if she fell asleep on me and I tried to put her down, the millisecond I as much as leant forward she would ping her eyes open, cream and not go to sleep.

She did however sleep in the pushchair, so pretty much had every nap in that.

[quote Porcupineheart]@EmilySpinach Yeah I think we need to accept that the 10 hr stretches may be a distant memory for a while. But even so, we think the night time sleep is pretty good. It's the daytime naps that are puzzling us as we just can't put her down (but can at night).[/quote]
It's not a given OP, DS is now 6 months and has slept through consistently since about 3 months. He never really did the 4 month regression.

He doesn't really nap much though, maybe 10 minutes here and there.

One tip for lost dummies that was a godsend with 2 of mine - I stitched a few dummies to the arms and legs of a lightweight soft toy. Always easy for the child (or parent) to find during the night, no more dummies lost through the cot bars and easy to clean by putting the whole thing in the washing machine.

When the time came for the dummies to go I chopped them off and we kept the teddies.

Have a look at the huckleberry app to give an idea of when a nap should be. I always put mine down in a dark room with white noise about 10 mins before they’re due a nap and 9/10 at your babies age they’d go to sleep alone x

Our tiny human up until she was 6months old would only nap in your arms while you rocked her. At 6 months I had enough as she was a wee lump and it was doing my back in 😂 we had to bite the bullet and just put her in the buggy for naps and rock the buggy for a few mins, over time transitioned this to just going into the buggy without rocking.
She will not nap anywhere else except the buggy. (she's now 15 months). She sleeps through every single night and falls asleep in her cot on her own with no problems, but just will not nap anywhere else

Thanks all for the replies.

The main reason we want her to nap in the cot is because she's already giving me a dead arm when she's napping on me for 30+ mins, and I'm starting to get back/neck/shoulder pain so sitting still cuddling a baby for a good proportion of the day is not ideal.

I also got the feeling we might be doing something 'wrong' because people (and the internet) say 'when you put your baby down for a nap....' but I can never actually put her down! And slight worry that the cuddles are her sleep crutch and as she gets older she will always need to sleep on us.

TBH I was expecting loads of replies telling me to get on and do sleep training 😂

Oh and she used to nap nicely in the pram, but not any more. She will sleep in the car, so when we do need a break from cuddling her we make downstairs as dark as possible, out some white noise on, put the car seat on the pram and wheel her around the house until she falls asleep. She can sometimes get a 20 min sleep doing this.

If we take her out for a walk in the pram she's too busy looking around and might take a good couple.of hours of walking before she drops off..and then she wakes as soon as the pram stops moving.