Help getting 4 month old to nap in cot

[Porcupineheart]

IABU to want my 4 month old to nap independently?

PFB is 4 months and has always been cuddled to sleep. At night we cuddle her until she falls asleep, put her in her cot (usually be 7:30pm) and she stays there til 6:30am. She usually wakes once or twice during the night but will go back if we settle her (by putting her dummy in or picking her up and cuddling back to sleep). We did have a 1 month stretch where she slept 10 hrs through the night with no wakings. So we think she can self settle and connect her sleep cycles.

However she will only nap in the daytime if someone is cuddling her for the duration. If we try to put her in the cot (or anywhere else) she wakes within 10mins. It seems that the 10 mins have recharged her and she won't go back to sleep even if we try and cuddle her back to sleep. If we leave her she cries. We've tried holding on to her for longer before putting her down, but she still springs awake within 10 mins of being put down. She's been like this pretty much since birth.

We have a fairly consistent routine. We start bedtime routine at 6pm and she's in bed asleep at 7:30pm at the latest. She wakes around 6:30am and has a feed, change, play and is ready for first nap around 7:30am.

She is then on a 3hr routine of feed, play, sleep. So she feeds every three hours and has 1-2 hrs of awake/play time, then a nap when she shows her sleepy cues.

We would really like her to nap in her cot and don't know why she doesn't stay down in the day when she does at night.

We have read/been given various advice ranging from 'a 4 month old should be cuddled and not be put down' to 'you've made a rod for your back by cuddling her and you need to sleep train to get her out of the habit'.

I am being unreasonable- baby sleeps well at night, will eventually learn to nap independently in the day, and is too young for sleep training.

I am not being unreasonable- baby should be able to nap independently by now and needs to be sleep trained (if you think this please would you suggest what method we should consider)

Thanks in advance!

Sounds like she might respond well to a sling, OP. What style is the one that you’ve been given?

Theres no easy fix. With most babies you will need to gradually reduce from holding or feeding to sleep.

Eg play monitor music while holding to sleep. Transition to music while patting to sleep lying in cot. Reduce from patting to hand on tummy etc etc. It takes a good month of commitment if you want to do it without any crying/fussing at all - babies dont like change.

At 4m she will be hitting a horrid sleep regression be prepared for your nights to get worse too.

@EmilySpinach

Sounds like she might respond well to a sling, OP. What style is the one that you’ve been given?

She loves being in the baby carrier (Baby Bjorn) facing out, but doesn't sleep this way. We were given a stretchy RylooBaby jersey sling but I've never been confident enough to use it. YouTube videos for holding baby in the sling in a cradle position seem to be for much smaller babies or for ring slings. If anyone knows of any videos for carrying a 4mth+ in cradle position in a jersey sling let me know! Otherwise I might look into buying a ring sling instead.

I can't claim much expertise on baby sleep but I'm very experienced with slings so I'll try to offer some thoughts!

Four months is too young to face outwards in a sling, I'm afraid, and if she's doing this regularly it might go some way to explain the lack of naps because she could be overstimulated. You could turn her around in the Bjorn but I would encourage you to try the sling, too. I don't know who has recommended a cradle carry to you but I strongly advise against it as a novice. Babies don't need to be in a cradle carry to sleep and when she is in a recumbent position further away from the parent it is much harder to check her airway.

Try a 'pocket wrap cross carry'. There are loads of tutorials online. The important thing to remember is to tie the sling tightly, as this is what will support you and give you confidence that she is secure. When tied correctly, she should be high and tight on your chest, with her head resting on your sternum. This contact with your chest, and particularly your heartbeat, is the magic bit to encourage sleep! Good luck.

@EmilySpinach

I can't claim much expertise on baby sleep but I'm very experienced with slings so I'll try to offer some thoughts!

Four months is too young to face outwards in a sling, I'm afraid, and if she's doing this regularly it might go some way to explain the lack of naps because she could be overstimulated. You could turn her around in the Bjorn but I would encourage you to try the sling, too. I don't know who has recommended a cradle carry to you but I strongly advise against it as a novice. Babies don't need to be in a cradle carry to sleep and when she is in a recumbent position further away from the parent it is much harder to check her airway.

Try a 'pocket wrap cross carry'. There are loads of tutorials online. The important thing to remember is to tie the sling tightly, as this is what will support you and give you confidence that she is secure. When tied correctly, she should be high and tight on your chest, with her head resting on your sternum. This contact with your chest, and particularly your heartbeat, is the magic bit to encourage sleep! Good luck.

All this. Please don't cradle carry in the sling,really dangerous because of the risk of not being able to monitor breathing. Forwards facing is a contentious issue, personally I dislike it, but lots of parents insist on it - the safest way if you must forwards face is to wait until baby is 6 months and never let baby face forwards for longer than 30 mins.

Thanks for the advice re carrier! Hadn't really given it a second thought about forward facing- we started it because when we were holding her she was twisting herself to the front and I was having difficulty holding her..so figured it would be safer and she'd enjoy it. Checked the info and said all good if she could hold her head and 4mths+. She has got very good head control.

But will stop forward facing in the carrier until she's a bit older and look at the sling videos as suggested.

Great advice guys! Just feel a bit bad for not realising forward facing her was not a good idea at this age..

Whoops babe has been facing out tonnes for ages here too! He seems very happy that way....
However just found this easy explainer on parent vs world facing sling use which might be helpful OP
www.carryingmatters.co.uk/the-fuss-about-facing-out/