To delay ttc no. 2 because of coronavirus?

[Newname1234567]

Inspired by another thread, my AIBU is- AIBU to delay trying to conceive our second due to the coronavirus pandemic?

Details- I'm 32, we already have one dd age 2. Both still have our jobs, house and some savings. Dh is working from home and I'm teaching, so face to face with hundreds of children a week. Ideally we were going to ttc in Jan 2021 (or about now) but have decided to put things on hold until: we don't know when.

I would absolutely love to have a second baby but I also feel so grateful for our happy, healthy dd. I think if I were working from home I would feel safer to consider it, so being in a classroom during this time has definitely affected our decision... but I keep questioning myself and changing my mind!

YABU- you are wrong to delay ttc
YANBU- You are right to delay ttc

If it makes a difference I also had a very easy pregnancy and labour with dd. The labour was 3 hours and a midwife was only present for the tail end.

Covid isn’t likely to go away anytime soon - it could also take a long time for you to conceive. I know my opinion is an unpopular one on Mumsnet, but people can’t put their lives on hold indefinitely!

I couldn’t say if you’re right or wrong, We were meant to start trying for no2 in feb/march and then Covid came and I got a bit worried but by august I just thought there is never going to a great time for a baby, there will always be reasons as to why you shouldn’t. We are now expecting no2 next year as we just didn’t want to delay this for god knows how long and leave a big gap between first and second

You have to consider are you willing to go through the pregnancy potentially without partner attending scans or being with you at birth?

its not an easy decision. Good luck with whatever you decide

Nobody can really say, it's nobody else's decision and totally up to you. I can see the advantages of holding off, I decided to carry on trying anyway and I'm very lucky to be pregnant but I do think it's added a lot of extra stress to an already worrying time as I'm now worrying about DP coming to 20 week scan and labour, worried about not being able to see family etc.

And what if there’s some other virus after COVID-19? Or some other worldwide situation (climate, financial, etc)? If you want another kid, have a other kid. People still had them during the war.

I wouldn't wait.

I think you should go for it these no way of knowing how long this will last.

Thank you @mummyoneboy19

I have in my head that we would delay until around Jan 2022 and I keep telling myself it's only just over a year to wait.

I would go for it personally! I totally agree with not putting your life on hold, plus I genuinely think things will be much better in 9 months+ (my cynical take is we'll either have a decent enough vaccine or will have hit something close enough to herd immunity, or both).

I don't think you should hold off. As a previous poster said, covid isn't going anywhere.

There’s no right answer. I’m a teacher as well but finished having children. Personally I think I would wait until Spring and see what the situation is like with regards to vaccines and how effective they are.

But it’s completely up to you how comfortable you are.

I wouldn't wait OP, I had a baby during lockdown and we are going to start trying again next month. It took me 7 years to get pregnant, I can't afford the delay of waiting until coronavirus lets up.

I would hate to go through pregnancy and having a newborn during this time personally. Partner might not be able to attend scans or much of birth, friends and family can't visit baby. If these are things you can put up with its up to you but I would find it very isolating and hate it

I had a baby just as the first lockdown began. It's been a pretty rubbish maternity leave, but that can't be helped.
Personally, I wouldn't wait. This thing is going nowhere for a while.
You're young(ish) but conception can take a while at any age and early menopause happens to some.

But be prepared for it being a very different pregnancy, appointments on your own and mat leave being less social.

Personally I wouldn't be TTC right now, not necessarily because of Covid or fear of catching it but because of the reduced maternity services.

If you do ttc go into it knowing and accepting that you will probably be in appointments, scans and part of labour alone. Many hospitals only allow a 1 hour visit from a partner or no visits at all on post natal.

As much as I think the way maternity services have been handled is appalling- and it really has been, mothers and babies have been let down in unforgivable ways- anyone purposefully conceiving now should go into it fully aware of what is happening and what the maternity provision is.

And I say that because I couldn't have coped in labour or on the post natal Ward alone. I had dc2 at the end of last year and we had a week long stay with baby in scbu, i barely coped then but if it happened now and I was alone it would be unbearable.

I wouldn’t wait. I’m currently pregnant, I’m 38 and hanging around waiting for COVID to vanish wasn’t really an option.

I was 29 when we had our first, we left it a few years before TTC again, both assuming we’d conceive easily and quickly like the first time.

But years later and various fertility investigations, we had secondary infertility.

Once you hit your mid thirties fertility declines very rapidly, and male sub fertility can occur suddenly too.

Personally I wouldn’t wait, many people think the second will be conceived as easily as the first and many people end up paying a fortune for IVF or ICSI.

If you do decide to wait I’d advise getting your ovarian reserve checked and your DH get a professional fertility assessment too.

Covid could be around for some time; or it may not, nobody knows yet!

Currently pregnant. It's not how I expected. DH can't come to scans. There was no interest when I had a bleed. No interest when I miscarried just prior to this pregnancy. If theres no time constraint. Both young, no fertility issues, you'd be better waiting. DH is older, we couldn't guarantee we'd get pregnant quickly and we didn't want DH to be a year older than neccesary when babys born.

I'm guessing that if you're a teacher you want a September birth so that you get paid through the summers of pregnancy and on return from mat leave? (Sorry if this assumption is totally off, a lot of my teacher friends aim for this ) so then I can see why it has to be now or next year... But maybe if you aimed for a summer baby there s a higher chance of less restrictions? It's such a tough call, only you know how much you want a close age gap, how safe you feel and whether you could face labour potentially alone!

I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant; facing a lockdown labour which seems fitting as I spent the first one with horrendous sickness! My maternity care hasn't been any different to my first pregnancy, I've had extra appointments which have been a mix of phone and face to face but nothing to complain about. My husband wasn't able to attend any scans etc and it is likely the birth will not be quite as we'd hoped BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. I started 2020 not knowing if I would be able to conceive a second time so the fact we've almost made it to full term is just beyond amazing.
I'm also a teacher, but a few years older!

There's no right or wrong about it, of course you can wait if that's what you want. I wouldn't wait personally, as pp said covid isn't going anywhere, plus climate issues are accelerating year after year, so who knows what will happen. Also I wanted my dc to be close in age if possible.

In your position I would wait a year but I dont think you would be being unreasonable if you decided not to.

We had secondary infertility and it took us over 2 years to conceive second time. I’d already put it off waiting for a promotion at work. COVID isn’t going away anytime soon. I wouldn’t wait.

The maternity services are going to be stretched next year due to everyone getting pregnant during lockdown. That is something to consider!