To feel upset by this good news

[NotMyCircusNotMyProblem]

First of all, I know IABU but, I just wanted to write it down and get it out there so please be kind.

My DB passed away earlier this year. It was cancer. He battled it for 18 months but he just didn't respond to treatment, nothing seemed to work and every scan showed the disease to have progressed further. He was only 58.

In March of this year my FIL was diagnosed with a similar cancer. Scans showed it to be widespread but his consultant agreed to try him with some chemotherapy although even with this, they believed he would only have 3-4 months. He responded really well to the chemo. His final scan showed no trace of cancer, his consultant described it as miraculous. FIL is 79.

I AM really, really over the moon at his recovery, he's a lovely man and I'm pleased that my DH won't have to go through the loss that I've experienced. I've expressed my delight to everyone concerned and said all the right things but... inside I'm just devastated.

Devastated that my DB couldn't have the same outcome. Devastated that every treatment my DB went through just didn't work. Worse still, I find myself thinking how unfair this is - DB died so young yet FIL is 79. I feel disgusted at myself for thinking like this but, I can't help it.

I know I'm still grieving my brothers loss and I will get over it but, why is it so unfair?

Its not unreasonable to feel like this at all. You aren't upset that your FIL has survived, you are sad and angry that your brother died and that is absolutely understandable.

That’s a lovely and very wise post @saraclara. Hope you and your daughters are doing as well as possible

Thank you@ShulaArcher. I'm surprised at myself to be honest! I think I was probably just lucky that my mind didn't go the other way. We're not always in control of our feelings.

I would guess that you made the decision (consciously or sub-consciously) to move forward without bitterness in your heart. Speaking as someone who lost a parent when I was young, I can tell you that you're setting a wonderful example to your daughters and it will help all of you to heal.

Totally get where you're coming from. I can't help but feel envious of Danny Baker and Michael Douglas as my dh was diagnosed with throat cancer around the same as they both had it. Like your fb my dh tried everything that they threw at him for 18 months, all to no avail. Sorry for your loss

There's a famous blogger type person who has the same cancer as my close relative, same stage and similar age. They are still here, although prognosis could change at any point. My relative isn't. Even though I know it might not end well for the blogger, just seeing a reference to them is really hard.

As others have said, it's not unreasonable because you know you aren't wishing your fil away. It's just highlighting the different outcomes and drawing attention to your own grief.

Grief is a very difficult thing to live with and isnt something you ever get over despite what society might think. Xxx

I can see why you feel like this. In your shoes, l would most likely feel very similar. Like you my DB is a fair bit younger than my FIL. 58 is no age

@Thrownaway l can relate to this 2.5 years into trying to conceive and having got nowhere