To expect DH not to Zoom all over the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

I know I need to talk to him about it, I just want to gauge whether I'm being reasonable first.

I'm an introvert. I do enjoy socialising but I need to gear up for it and, most importantly, know when and that it's happening. Before zoom and Skype my greatest pet peeve and source of embarrassment was speaking to someone on the phone and finding out halfway through that I had been on speakerphone the whole time. shudder Lockdown and having DH work from home every day has been hard on me.

Anyway. Tonight I was in my pajamas, hair wrapped up in a towel, bathing my son, and DH rocks upstairs with his laptop, telling whomever he's speaking to that he's happy to show them the house. I mouthed something like "no no no" at him and closed the door. He laughed and told them I was hiding from the camera (cringe!) and then proceeded to show them our bedroom, where I had just been folding laundry, clothes all over the bed, ugh. I was not happy.

Then half an hour later after DS is asleep I go downstairs and DH has set up camp in the post-dinner, pre-washing up kitchen with his mates on yet another zoom call, having a lovely glass of whiskey while I'm trapped outside wanting to make a cup of tea. He sees my face, asks what the matter is and I moan about him zooming all over the house which is not fit for company. He politely leaves, but not after they all get a passing shot of me in my bathrobe.

Aaaargh. I know some people will think this is making a big deal out of nothing but please just one person tell me they get it? Am I completely out of order to ask DH to keep it at his desk?

they all get a passing shot of me in my bathrobe.

I think this sounds a bit more risqué than it probably was. But YANBU, generally. He should keep his chats more private.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable to be honest. His friends probably don't care about the state of the house.

You are not at all being U!

Home is your sanctuary. Who amongst us would like to suddenly find ourselves on camera?
I hate having to do it for work, and that is pre planned, professional etc. The scenarios you’ve described would have me launching the laptop at his head. Solidarity, OP.

Solidarity, OP.

Thank you so so much. I have been validated.

After discovering Zoom, (back in March) DH shoved an I pad in my face and tried the 'say hello to my mates' only once.
Didn't like the feckers in real life so no way was I waving to them in cyber sodding space FFS

I feel exactly the same as you. It's nice to hear I'm not alone!

Would love to be one of these spontaneous social creatures but at risk of sounding like a total bore I prefer more scheduled social fun where I have prepped myself (and my house) for it.

I bet he wouldn't think shepherding his mates round upstairs to view you in a dressing-gown in the flesh was ok.
He's been an arsehole. Hope you can educate him out of it.
Grrrr.

That would piss me off so much ugh

Yes this is definitely not ok! Solidarity with you op!

You deserve privacy in your own home. If he wants to video chat that's his business but he doesnt get to make that decision for you too.

You have the right to privacy in your own home. He's being very disrespectful and invasive. I would hate that. Tell him to keep you and any mess out of the shots if he wants to stay married.

I am exactly the same except it's not my Dh, it's the kids on FaceTime with their friends so it's been a problem for far longer!!
Absolutely sick of it, it's like having other people's kids in the house all the sodding time. And you don't always know it's going on until it's too late.
Them walking round with it is not as much of a problem now cos I went absolutely nuclear on the kids after one close shave with me in my underwear (upstairs in my own house, thinking I was alone I might add!) but they still usually have them on FaceTime together while they're playing on the Xbox downstairs.

Including you in the zoom when you don't want to is unreasonable on his part.
You being annoyed that someone might see dishes and evidence of cooking in the kitchen is unreasonable and precious in my opinion.

I would be annoyed with my privacy invaded like that. Fair enough he doesn't care but you do. People are nosey and do comment. Arms length.

LTB 😂

Seriously though, this would piss me right off.

Just ask him to agree to a room he will stick to whilst making his call.

It's a bit weird to be so wind up about the mess though. No one cares, and even if they do, it's about HIM, not you. He's the one who should have tidied up before making his zoom call.

YANBU I'd bloody hate this. Cant even stand it when DH is talking on the phone and then says to them "oh I'll pass you on to Popcorn" .
If I want to talk to someone on the phone I'll make the call myself thanks

I don't understand..is this for work? Or just his normal mates?

If for work yeah annoying and inappropriate. If his mates well honestly I couldn't get upset about that. I'm sure his mates have wives who wash their hair and fold laundry

“ they all get a passing shot of me in my bathrobe.

I think this sounds a bit more risqué than it probably was.”

It’s not about it being risqué. To be honest, I would actually rather be surprised half-dressed and “risqué” than be caught unawares and frumpy in my bathrobe. But both scenarios would piss me off.

YANBU OP.

He’s being very disrespectful and weird, probably a bit exhibitionist who gets a kick out of showing personal stuff - incl you!! - to colleagues, they probably find it weird too. I do not know anyone who I think would behave like that. My DH is on zoom all day and he never takes it away from his desk. He obvs knows you are introverted which makes it way worse, almost sadistic. I would be livid.

@Popcornismandatory

YANBU I'd bloody hate this. Cant even stand it when DH is talking on the phone and then says to them "oh I'll pass you on to Popcorn" . If I want to talk to someone on the phone I'll make the call myself thanks

This! DH did this when we started dating, he learnt very quickly.

I find FaceTime etc. so invasive.

It bothered me at first, that OH decided to do his calls from the kitchen or living room when he has a perfectly good office he can use. It felt like I was restricted in using those rooms. But I decided if he was bothered by me making noise that was his problem.

I wouldn’t be bothered about people seeing me or my house though.

Every time he does it go and unplug the router.

My DH’s boss saw me in my nightie the other day. He works in the bedroom, I don’t work Fridays and has been lounging about watching TV. I unexpectedly had to go out so I went in, apologised, introduced myself and got clothes.

I couldn’t get wound up about any of that.

You need to set up an area in the house that is the agreed Zoom spot (including good WiFi of course.) keep the laptops and the area Zoom-friendly and you can use it without embarrassment. You don't need much space, just a small table and chair and acceptable background. Absolutely tell him to stop wandering about with it, especially with your child in the bath!!!