To expect DH not to Zoom all over the house?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

I know I need to talk to him about it, I just want to gauge whether I'm being reasonable first.

I'm an introvert. I do enjoy socialising but I need to gear up for it and, most importantly, know when and that it's happening. Before zoom and Skype my greatest pet peeve and source of embarrassment was speaking to someone on the phone and finding out halfway through that I had been on speakerphone the whole time. shudder Lockdown and having DH work from home every day has been hard on me.

Anyway. Tonight I was in my pajamas, hair wrapped up in a towel, bathing my son, and DH rocks upstairs with his laptop, telling whomever he's speaking to that he's happy to show them the house. I mouthed something like "no no no" at him and closed the door. He laughed and told them I was hiding from the camera (cringe!) and then proceeded to show them our bedroom, where I had just been folding laundry, clothes all over the bed, ugh. I was not happy.

Then half an hour later after DS is asleep I go downstairs and DH has set up camp in the post-dinner, pre-washing up kitchen with his mates on yet another zoom call, having a lovely glass of whiskey while I'm trapped outside wanting to make a cup of tea. He sees my face, asks what the matter is and I moan about him zooming all over the house which is not fit for company. He politely leaves, but not after they all get a passing shot of me in my bathrobe.

Aaaargh. I know some people will think this is making a big deal out of nothing but please just one person tell me they get it? Am I completely out of order to ask DH to keep it at his desk?

I don’t get this with dh but I have had issues with my older dc (12 and 10) face timing their friends, either wandering around the house phone in hand or sitting in the living room, phone facing the walkways where every coming and going can be seen. Ds2 even gave a tour of the (newish) house to his friend, dirty dishes, unmade beds, the lot...AND I know the boys mother is a nosy bint and was probably watching over his shoulder.

I don’t want to have to be careful about walking around my own house. After a couple of polite warnings which were ignored I told them the next person who did it would be watching their phone flying out the window. It hasn’t happened since and they keep their FaceTimes to their room!

Anyway YANBU op.

I hate that FaceTime and zoom are the new norm. It’s so invasive. My teenager does it sometimes and it drives me nuts. My house is usually a mess and I am too, no one else needs to see that.

That's annoying and disrespectful.

You place a high value on privacy and the sanctity of home. Your husband clearly doesn't feel the same way. It doesn't bother him to be on camera (and to have the house on display when it's not at its best), so it shouldn't bother you.

He either sticks to one (pre-arranged) room or you switch the Wifi off. Every time.

Men don’t need to worry about dirty dishes or laundry being seen, they wouldn’t be judged for it.

I set up the children on video calls with the MIL where she can’t see the mess.

YANBU OP.

HE HAS PROMISED NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN (although there may have been the tiniest hint of an eye roll).

I would love to be one of those people who just couldn't get worked up about this, but alas, I was built wrong. And honestly, even though DH puts in his fair share of the housework I know if any judgement were to be happening, it would be happening in my direction, because womanhood. But even if the house was spotless I still wouldn't like it.

And there was nothing risqué about the bathrobe, just pure frump (really it was just the fact that I was featured at all, frump or no). For the record, these were all mates/family members, all lovely people. If it had been colleagues I would have had stronger words.

“Men don’t need to worry about dirty dishes or laundry being seen, they wouldn’t be judged for it.”

So true.

One room only, indeed if possible with the camera switched off as I do. My house and its contents are not something I wish to advertise, as however good those on calls are, I have no idea if someone has an addiction or other cause (or a family member of theirs) that means they might want to be a burglar in desperation.

Can he blur the background ?
Or is that just a Microsoft teams feature? I find that really useful depending on the meeting and where I am working in the house.
He needs to stay still and talk. My Dh has a habit of wandering about while talking on the phone which is slightly irritating but at least not video

It's like being in a reality TV show like The Osbournes except you didn't agree to it.

Tell him it must stop or you will Zoom his mates next time he is on the toilet

This sounds like an actual nightmare! My fella does the same.

Do you not have a home office, or even a room you could go in and shut him in. I always had my camera off at work and used the spare bedrooms dressing table, whereas my DH had his camera on and used the home office.

I hate it. My eldest SS facetimes his mum while he’s here walking round the house, makes me feel so uncomfortable. Especially considering she nearly saw me in my PJs looking an absolute mess the other day after a sleepless night with the youngest. Ugh. Feels like an invasion of privacy, I dunno I’m very house proud too so wouldn’t like my DH FaceTiming someone while I had washing out etc so YADNBU 😁

YANBU I'd bloody hate this. Cant even stand it when DH is talking on the phone and then says to them "oh I'll pass you on to Popcorn" . If I want to talk to someone on the phone I'll make the call myself thanks

How does that work? Person calls your home, your DH answers and has a small chat, they ask to speak to you and he passes over. If you refuse, but then think you can just call them whenever, why would they ever bother to take your call?

I wouldnt be keen on people being shown our bedroom. If we had friends coming to a new house and i thought they might want a 'tour', I'd have tidied up a bit.

I also wouldn't be happy being included on any call without my consent especially if I was in a dressing gown or something. Even if just in the

When we went into second lockdown I deleted zoom

It's like being in a reality TV show like The Osbournes except you didn't agree to it

Yes, you have the right to expect no random invasions of privacy in your own home.

People working from home and using video calls need to respect the wishes of all the people living there, not just their own. Its basic consideration.

Personally, friends seeing messy house wouldn't bother me particularly, especially as the detail of that is actually quite hard to see on Zoom. Work would be different and I'd take a dim view of DH doing a work zoom call with the messy kitchen behind him.

But absolutely re random shots of you when you're not ready or interested in being seen. DH would never do this to me or me to him. It's totally unacceptable. Especially when you're in a robe/towel etc. I mean, if you're wondering round the house picking up laundry in normal day clothes, maybe. But I'd have thought Dh would understand basic privacy of being in your own home in your pyjamas/robe etc.

YANBU!!!! My dh always just stays in his study or bedroom to zoom/facetime - he knows I would go bonkers if he suddenly started wandering around the house!

YANBU. I hate sitting next to someone when they're gabbing away on the phone at the best of times but video calls are a totally different beast.

I have a home office and all Zoom/Teams calls are made in there, both for privacy and out of politeness. DH doesn't need to hear my awkward Work Voice

Show your DH these: (pictures of empty BBC sets to use as backgrounds) www.bbc.co.uk/archive/empty_sets_collection/zfvy382

Then perhaps he can play with those with his friends for a bit instead of livestreaming your washing-up.

YANBU, it’s hugely disrespectful of him. Imagine if you’d actually been naked or on the toilet for example. He’s an asshat.

Boundaries! You set your own. Perfectly reasonable. Glad he's listened and committed to stop. Hold him to it!

Oh I totally get it! My DH knows what I'm like though and tells me which bits of the room are in view to his colleagues before he goes into a meeting so I know how to pass to get to my chair 😂😂 I know it's only a little bit that they can see but as I go in the door his chair is next to the door, facing into the middle of the room, so the open laptop is facing the door, if that makes sense!

YANBU, I'd be horrified.