To ask how to reply to this text

[moirarosebabay]

Abusive ex sends text to say he's reducing maintenance payments for our son. Maintenance was £224 per month agreed through solicitor in 2014 and has never increased since. I've recently heard from my son that exes girlfriend and their baby have moved out due to too much fighting. I'm assuming this is now him splitting maintenance to cover another child so think it's ridiculous he's talking about belt tightening Covid restrictions. Thinking I probably won't bother replying TBH. There is a lot I could say but engaging with him is probably not a good idea.

Just reply - Hi, that’s fine. I’ll contact CMS on Monday.

@MunchBunchYoghurt

I wouldn’t expect a police man to be like this. Crazy

Really? Why?

He will be paying a large amount into his pension to drag the figure down I would imagine, so everyone doing the calculation from his wage aren't taking that into consideration. Arsehole.

You are wise OP, not to engage. Go through the proper channels. A close (male) pal's profession brings him into a lot of contact with men like this. He tells me that the police service and other officers can still close ranks to protect violent or abusive officers and non-payers. One example he gave me paid the absolute minimum for the DC from his first marriage, then not a penny, ever, for the DC of his second abusive marriage for all their childhood. It is not unknown for them to be allowed to resign following known violence or an allegation of domestic abuse, and/or to avoid a child maintenance order, only to quietly rejoin when the dust has resettled - and as you say, to still be promoted, despite what is known or alleged about their personal conduct.

Sausage1989 Every police Officer is nasty?

If you claim through CMS it’s likely to be based on his April 19-April 20 earnings. If he can demonstrate that his income has reduced since then, he might be able to reduce the calculation.

Can you run the figures yourself OP?

If CMS administer the claim, you’ll have to pay them. Cheaper to get the calculation if you can trust him to pay.

I'm no help in these situations but just wanted to send my love & support. Ex pays a pitiful £10 per month because, according to CMS, that's all he can afford! Wish the supermarkets had the same attitude.. Me: "here's £10 for a month's shop...it's all I can afford!"

Count yourself lucky he even pays anything. My son never received 1p from the thing that helped to create him. We had been in a relationship for 4 years prior to having my son. He was wealthy, well educated, and a hugely successful self employed business man. He got away with not paying anything for 18 years.

I don’t see how someone is a high earner and only pays £450 per month for 2 children.

@FullMoonBlues Unfortunately when they are self employed and say they only earn 11k a year it’s impossible for the children to receive any money. It’s terrible and not fair - I hope karma bites him up the arse !

Do not reply to the text.
However save it so your child knows what a twat their dad is when they’re older

@Trytogetby

I'm no help in these situations but just wanted to send my love & support. Ex pays a pitiful £10 per month because, according to CMS, that's all he can afford! Wish the supermarkets had the same attitude.. Me: "here's £10 for a month's shop...it's all I can afford!"

It's such a rubbish system that needs an overhaul. It does help having support from others who get the unfairness of it but adds to my rage at what some people get away with. I'd like to think if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be guided my my morals and anyway I would be in a better position for solicitor fees as would have had a clear run at my career and the time to pursue this stuff.

Well this 'top end sergeant' sounds like a twat. You however OP sound like you're doing a great job managing him under the circumstances. Hopefully the more knowledgeable folk will help you get every penny your DS is entitled to.

I don't know how the CMS work but do they take I to account just his full salary or that less pension. Reason being he mentioned pension in his text which suggests to me this is take. I to account and they pay a lot Into a person so maybe this is the difference?

Definitely go through the CMS.

It’s pretty funny that he has to bring his “top end sergeant”ness into it. As though you don’t know what his job is!

ACAB. Wow.

Top end sergeant is a term they use when talking about salary. It's common practice so whilst he maybe a twat it's just jargon.

ACAB?

Hope you or your family don't need police assistance in the future.

Those mentioning overtime and calculating that in. Don't. Often when you go for Sgt promotion you forego that stuff as it is just expected as part of your role, so just work with the basic.

HolyMolyGuacamole This ACAB here has been to some horrific things this week and that’s not including my “normal” weeks work.

Of course, those families and victims doesn’t think I‘m ACAB, but aresholes like you do.

MolyHolyGuacamole 🤦🏻‍♀️

God imagine not even rounding it up to the nearest pound to make it clear he literally won't be paying a penny more than the absolute minimum. He sounds like such a dick. How can men like him think of their kids, spend time with them, say they adore them and not even round it up to the nearest pound?! Disgusting.

I suspect it's what a PP said and he's trying to condition you. I'm no expert but CMS and see if he'll try and hide his salary, overtime, second income and suchlike. Print the text and put on some mugs for home (not for your DC to see but to remind you what a prince of a gentleman he is).

Good luck and see it as a reminder why you are better off without him.