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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to visit UK from US for Christmas

39 replies

wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 13:48

Realise I might get flamed for even asking, but am looking for some perspective on whether this would be unreasonable/irresponsible/possibly illegal given things in the UK (and the US) at the moment. I'm overseas so have not fully followed the ins and outs of what is suggested, what is actually not allowed, etc. and would appreciate some advice.

I'll be as brief as possible: We live abroad and I haven't seen my parents since February. I would like to come and see them over Christmas and into January. For reasons of leave from work, and school where we live, this would be the best time for us and otherwise probably wouldn't happen until the summer. My children are young (2 and 4) and I really, really don't want my parents to have not seen them for 18 months, although I realise lots of people are struggling with similar situations.

The plan would be: fly in, travel to my parents house (not totally sure how we would do this part - possibly hire car all the way there, that seems like most responsible?) and quarantine for a week. Parents would go to an airbnb. We would try to get a test on day 5 then parents would come back when (if) we got negative tests. I realise there might be a full lockdown but I think once we were through quarantine and staying with my parents that wouldn't necessarily matter - we just want to see them and go for walks anyway really.

My questions are - would we then be breaking the rules, even if we had quarantined? Is there irresponsibility in this plan that I'm not seeing? I suppose worst case scenario is that we do pick it up on the way over and then will have to isolate for a further two weeks though Christmas. Would you visit, in my situation?

Thanks all.

OP posts:
JeezLouisePlease · 31/10/2020 13:51

You’re not to have tests in the UK unless you have symptoms. They’re limited and taking tests when you have no symptoms is not allowed and wasteful.

LIZS · 31/10/2020 13:52

Not sure how you plan to arrange tests - private ones are upwards of £120 each. Quarantine here is two weeks atm.

ShinyMe · 31/10/2020 13:56

I understand why you want to come, but I think anyone would be insane to come to the UK at the moment, our rate is much much higher than everywhere else, even the US, judging by the graphs I saw earlier today.

As others have said, you won't be able to get a test anyway, unless you're prepared to pay. Your parents may not be allowed to stay in an AirB&B. Quarantine is currently 2 weeks.

zigaziga · 31/10/2020 13:57

You might have to arrange a private test but I don’t think your plan sounds unreasonable.. but then I know a lot of people who have family abroad or similar and those that I know are still flying just less regularly and with some quarantine restrictions.
My neighbour came back from the US about 2 weeks a go and DH’s work colleague is there now, due back in the U.K. in a day or two... so I wouldn’t consider it unreasonable.

JaJaDingDong · 31/10/2020 13:58

Not fair on everyone else. Unnecessary burden on our NHS were you to become ill. You might not be able to go home if things take a nose dive. Lots of reasons not to do it.
Don't come, please. Come later.

zigaziga · 31/10/2020 13:58

Unusual* I mean.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 31/10/2020 13:58

Your quarantining/test thoughts and dates really don't tie in with current UK laws/rules/guidance, let alone ones that will come in.

Personally I think you're MAD to consider travelling at this time with 2 small children, not just the Covid risk to yourselves/your parents, but the actual travelling with kids that age when other people are so worried about Covid. They'll be expected to stay in their seats and not wander about the plane.

When you arrive you'll be expected to quarantine for 14 days. Two weeks with your parents in an Air B&B (if that's even allowed by then) then stuck in the house with nothing much open & none of your usual things for the kids.

I'd leave it until the spring/summer if it was me (and I understand because my family live overseas too)

Dangermouseis42now · 31/10/2020 13:59

I can see you are trying to be reasonable , Covidsafe and mitigate risks and the importance of seeing family as your DCs grow. It's a lot of exposure foe ones so young right now given high infection rates. U.K. is about to go into higher tier alert or a one month lockdown , I wouldn't book anything right now if I were you

Original poster
wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 14:00

Thanks all. We are prepared to pay for private tests, yes. If we couldn't get them then yes I suppose we'd have to quarantine for two weeks. But yes, all good points, and that's why we're on the fence. In full lockdown is staying in local airbnbs prohibited?

I'm just desperately sad at my parents basically not knowing my youngest at this point.

OP posts:
SilverOnToast · 31/10/2020 14:00

Oh I really feel for you OP - we’re in the same situation and it’s been so long (years) since we last saw my family and friends and I’m just so homesick in general.

Honestly though, I just don’t think for us that it’ll be worth the stress of local rules, international quarantine and general COVID-related worries like getting family members sick. It might feel worth it for you though, if you can jump through the hoops.

Devilesko · 31/10/2020 14:01

I doubt anyone will be able to travel come xmas.

Ijustdontcare · 31/10/2020 14:03

Current rules are you need to self-isolate for 14 days even with a negative test as the US is not on the travel corridors.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk

DivGirl · 31/10/2020 14:03

My friend is just about to return to the US after a month here.

She arrived, quarantined for two weeks in a caravan on the drive way (meals dropped off on the doorstep), two weeks seeing friends and family, then she has to quarantine for two weeks on her return to the states. Six weeks off work in total for what was essentially a two week break.

It was worth it for her, and she could take the time off. I suppose you have to weigh up if that would be worth it for you?

ProudAuntie76 · 31/10/2020 14:04

@ShinyMe

I understand why you want to come, but I think anyone would be insane to come to the UK at the moment, our rate is much much higher than everywhere else, even the US, judging by the graphs I saw earlier today.

As others have said, you won't be able to get a test anyway, unless you're prepared to pay. Your parents may not be allowed to stay in an AirB&B. Quarantine is currently 2 weeks.

This with bells on.

Understandable but completely insane given the circumstances.

Random thought - Would your parents be ok not seeing anyone else for the time you were here? Presumably there are four of your own household and your parents? So that’s 6 in total so they wouldn’t be allowed to see anyone else. Depending on where in the country they are mixing can be allowed in groups of 6 or mixing households even in public settings can be banned. Am I also right in reading that part of your plan is to put your parents out of their own home for the first week? What if things change and they are not allowed to get an AirBnB and you are carrying it and give it to them? Our hospitals are likely to be at breaking point this Christmas.

Original poster
wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 14:05

Thanks everyone. Yeah, this has really articulated a lot of the reasons my gut has been saying it's not the right thing to do. Will be helpful in explaining to my parents, who think that as they are in a low case area currently and we are planning to quarantine that it would be fine.

OP posts:
Dangermouseis42now · 31/10/2020 14:05

Wait and see what our PM says on Monday

I wouldn't travel into U.K. or anywhere really, if I were you, until after spring 2021 at the earliest

Xmas time isn't going to be the respite from Covid that people think it will be

NameChange84 · 31/10/2020 14:07

PM is speaking at 4pm today now. So things must be moving even quicker.

I’d also worry that if you got here you might not get back for months. I’ve students that got stuck in Italy for three months.

Original poster
wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 14:08

"Am I also right in reading that part of your plan is to put your parents out of their own home for the first week? What if things change and they are not allowed to get an AirBnB and you are carrying it and give it to them?"

Well yes, but it was entirely their choice/plan - and does make sense given they have garden, playroom, and kids stuff.

But point taken. Plan nixed. Thanks for all the thoughts, we're not going to go.

OP posts:
ARoseInHarlem · 31/10/2020 14:08

You’re prioritising yourself - not even your 2yo, who will know no different - with this plan. This is about YOU not wanting YOUR parents to see YOUR children.

You don’t say where in the US you’re flying from. There’s a big difference between Vermont and Florida.

Whatever the rules are wherever you and your parents are now, there’s a good chance they will change by December and January.

This is also not to mention the knock-on effects for everyone else involved in your plan, including for non-Covid related concerns (what if your 2yo needs emergency hospital care, but the beds are full/they get late treatment/they’re in a hospital full of Covid patients).

It’s ill thought through and very selfish.

Sorry you’re missing your parents Flowers

Devilesko · 31/10/2020 14:08

It's 5pm announcement, been moved, according to posters on another thread.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 31/10/2020 14:09

It's miserable, OP, we're in the same position except my parents are in their 80's with health problems so they could literally die of non-Covid related problems before we next see them. Normally I visit every 3-4 months, but it's been nearly a year now.

But, I really wouldn't do it. It's too risky. Everything I'm hearing suggests there'll be a vaccine in a few months and then we can plan normal visits (I'm aiming for next summer).

NameChange84 · 31/10/2020 14:11

I think sadly it’s for the best.

We’re the opposite way round. Family in the US who we haven’t seen since May 2019 Sad. Elderly or at high risk so worried we may not all see each other again as we aren’t planning anything until end of 2021 providing its safer.

I get how hard it is Flowers

Original poster
wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 14:12

@AmICrazyorWhat2

It's miserable, OP, we're in the same position except my parents are in their 80's with health problems so they could literally die of non-Covid related problems before we next see them. Normally I visit every 3-4 months, but it's been nearly a year now.

But, I really wouldn't do it. It's too risky. Everything I'm hearing suggests there'll be a vaccine in a few months and then we can plan normal visits (I'm aiming for next summer).

Yeah. It's shit. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. But you're all right, I get it, we will explain to my parents why we can't. I'm going to leave the thread now as it's making me blue.
OP posts:
Hayeahnobut · 31/10/2020 14:14

People in lower case areas often miss the point that they need to manage risk so as not to turn into a high case area. We were a low rate area, bordering a very high area, people relaxed, and now we've one of the highest rates in the country and our hospital has gone into surge mode. They're cancelling surgeries and having to call in staff from neighbouring areas.

Can you explain that to your parents OP? You want their area to stay low, so help is there should they need it, and you don't want to do anything that might jeopardise that.

Original poster
wonkhamstrong · 31/10/2020 14:15

@NameChange84

I think sadly it’s for the best.

We’re the opposite way round. Family in the US who we haven’t seen since May 2019 Sad. Elderly or at high risk so worried we may not all see each other again as we aren’t planning anything until end of 2021 providing its safer.

I get how hard it is Flowers

FlowersFlowers

Rubbish isn't it. Ugh.

OP posts: