Am I unreasonable not to go to this wedding?

[SwedishK]

So, my MIL is getting married in a few days and since we're in England the number of guests are very limited.

She is getting married for the fifth time and to a man I have never met nor knew existed until about a month ago. My DH has met him but nobody else in the family has. They met online about 8 weeks ago.

The ceremony is about 3-4 hours drive away from where we live and it's a mid-morning ceremony (and it's only a ceremony, no dinner etc) which means we either have to go there the evening before and stay somewhere local or get up ridiculously early to get there on time on the day. Me and the kids weren't invited originally but yesterday MIL changed her mind as others have declined the invitation. My husband thinks we should go, I don't. I think he should go, but not all of us.

We're in tier 3, the ceremony in a tier 2 area.They are both 70+ and my kids have been in and out of isolation all autumn due to confirmed cases in their school/friend groups. My youngest has missed so much school and I just want him to be able to attend school as much as possible as he's doing his A-levels. I also don't want to risk bringing Covid with us should he pick something up during the week at school.

I told my DH we're not going and he said she'll be very hurt by that and he definitely thinks we should all go.

To be honest, I might have gone if she was marrying a long term partner who I had any type of relationship with but I don't even know what this man looks like and MIL has never been particularly supportive of me so I doubt she would have made similar effort for me.

Am I unreasonable to think that anyone having a wedding under these conditions should expect that their guests might not jump for joy at the idea of going?

She's known him two months and she's marrying him? Your DH is being unreasonable for not stepping in! 😳😳

Yanbu at all

I would repeat very clearly...

I. Am. Not. Going.

Discussion over.

Fuck that!
No.

I'm in a tier 3, we aren't supposed to be travelling outside our tier. Your DH is her child, so he has good reason, you and the children don't.

It's selfish of her to expect it. This is why it's spreading. People are carrying on regardless.

No, you shouldn't be going.

Jings, she’s made the most of lockdown!!!

As for her being hurt, I would say, directly to her face - to both her and your husband - “how can you possibly be hurt, when we weren’t even your first choice guests?”

No chance.

Is she of sound mind

YANBU not to go.

Just to add, it bloody pisses me off that all I see are 65+ year olds carrying on as though we aren't mid pandemic and we've closed the soft plays and other things for the under 10s.

I would not go, nor would I allow the dc to go. I think your dh is crackers for going.

@TokenGinger

She's known him two months and she's marrying him? Your DH is being unreasonable for not stepping in! 😳😳

He tried. She's very stubborn and plays the I'm old, I can do what I want card.

YADDDNBU. One has to admire her optimism but what are the chances of this lasting especially if one looks at the statistics of subsequent marriages unless she has been widowed. I think if I was getting married for the 5th time to someone I had only known 8 weeks tbh I would want a quiet ceremony and then just present it as a fait accompli. Covid has been devastating enough for kids education without adding to it. I would put my ds 1st.

@Sexnotgender

Is she of sound mind

YANBU not to go.

Well, no. She's man crazy!

You were only invited as others dropped out? There's your answer. Why would you MIL be upset when she didn't invite you from the start?

YANBU you’re MIL is selfish and unreasonable. That’s even before l get to the fact she’s known him 5 minutes. There would be zero chance of me going to this farce. How long do her marriages normally last for?

She'll be hurt? She didn't even invite you originally..

@EL8888

YANBU you’re MIL is selfish and unreasonable. That’s even before l get to the fact she’s known him 5 minutes. There would be zero chance of me going to this farce. How long do her marriages normally last for?

She married 4 times between the ages of 17 and early 30's. Then she married a man mid-90's sometime and that lasted until 2006. The last one is the only one of her ex-husbands I have met. That's her longest marriage.

The thing is though that only last year she was seeing a different man who she introduced us to. They went out for about 6 months but when he refused to marry her straight away (he was very recently divorced) she broke up with him.

It seems that she just wants to be married to anyone who will have her.

Ironically, she's also very religious and she doesn't want to live in sin. Thereof the need for quick marriages. She is the only religious one in the family and she has had by far the most partners.

Fair enough for your DH to go but yanbu for not wanting to go yourself plus the kids. Can you suggest you all meet up after restrictions are relaxed (whenever that might be) to meet the new husband properly? It's not like you'll be able /advisable to socialise while you're there.

From your last post then, if you suggest meeting return you're back in Tier 1, which who knows might be in the spring at this rate, they might have already split.

@crankysaurus

From your last post then, if you suggest meeting return you're back in Tier 1, which who knows might be in the spring at this rate, they might have already split.

True. I'm not really in a rush to meet him. I have nothing against him and I want her to have a partner, I just find it hard to be all that exited about it.

It's certainly a bizarre way for her to view marriage, almost as a means to getting laid.

@crankysaurus, haha, that's exactly what it is!

Is it a marriage to gain residency?
All sounds very odd. Just tell MIL you'll go to the next one if the virus permits.

Tell her you’ll sit this one out and see her at the next one.