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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The pressure to enjoy Christmas is too much.

65 replies

randomer · 31/10/2020 07:18

I think the hype on top of the hype will make more people struggle with MH.
Why can't be just be left alone to enjoy whatever is available.
The pressure to have some sort of Dickensian gathering will tip those of us who don't, over the edge.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2020 07:35

I've never understood what people mean when they say things like this.

Where's this 'pressure' coming from? There's endless things to do/buy in the world, Christmas related or otherwise and obviously most people can only partake in a tiny fraction of them, so where's this hype that you feel forced into an unwanted 'Dickensian gathering'? Surely you just ignore whatever it is that you aren't interested in and do what you want to do?

Genuinely confused, especially this year, no-one's going to be gathering anywhere, it's been outlawed.

randomer · 31/10/2020 07:45

The pressure come from a relentless barrage from the media, relentless. Of course ,we are adults and can chose whether or not to engage but it can be difficult.

OP posts:
nosswith · 31/10/2020 07:47

If you have the choice to partake or not, your choice. The people we should be concerned for are those who do not have the choice to spend part or all of Christmas with anyone.

Breastfeedingworries · 31/10/2020 07:48

If anything this year there is zero pressure, if someone was alone on the day no one would think they’re billynomates they’d praise them for following the rules to the letter...

Make the most of the day whatever that means to you. I think this years been great for the quiet unpopular, few like small weddings ect.

There’s no expectations. Have a great Christmas Halloween Grin

AuntieMarys · 31/10/2020 07:51

I enjoy Xmas in my own way. However I don't consider it the highlight of my year...I make sure I have a great time all year, not just one day.

SweatyBetty20 · 31/10/2020 07:52

I do get you. My mum died very close to Christmas when I was just out of my teens, and it’s not my favourite time of the year. I’d be quite happy if it didn’t exist, but there is pressure to put a smile on my face and enjoy it - from family pushing me to visit, to colleagues moaning because I don’t want to go on a crappy work do, to friends wanting to catch up and sending me present lists for their kids. I can do all these things anytime.
Good job I can’t have kids - I’d be a miserable mum at Christmas.

niceupthedance · 31/10/2020 07:52

I hate Christmas because of the idea that everyone else in the world is happy and surrounded by people they love. Life isn't like that for a great many people, and for as many reasons.

SpeccyLime · 31/10/2020 07:52

I think I understand where you’re coming from OP. So much of the discussion around coronavirus is geared towards ensuring the possibility of gatherings at Christmas, based on the assumption that everyone has large, lavish celebrations to attend. If that’s not a person’s experience and they find Christmas a difficult time, I can see why the pressure feels unwelcome.

user1471538283 · 31/10/2020 07:57

I love Christmas especially Christmas Eve but I'm not excited for it this year. It is pressuring but I've made an effort for it not to be recently. All you need is a tree, a big lunch and maybe a couple of presents. The best Christmas we had was just DS and I in New York. No presents because our luggage was lost so I bought some chocolates, a walk in the cold but quiet city, a big lunch and DS had a delivery pizza for tea. DS loved it and it reminded me that its not about presents

BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2020 07:58

@randomer

The pressure come from a relentless barrage from the media, relentless. Of course ,we are adults and can chose whether or not to engage but it can be difficult.
But from where? I've never noticed it, or if I do, I just think 'oh not this crap again' and ignore it.

Likewise for all the 'competition' type shows like Bake Off and Strictly etc. I'm not interested so have never watched them, even though the media do seem to go on about them quite a lot.

Just because there is a 'relentless barrage from the media' it doesn't mean that you have to do things that you don't want to, seriously. No-one is going to come round and tell you off or issue a fine because you didn't do or buy X Y or Z that you aren't interested in.

excuseforfights · 31/10/2020 08:02

The pressure come from a relentless barrage from the media

It’s definitely hard this time of year. I try and cope by changing the channel when it’s Christmas related programmes on TV (e.g. get ready for Christmas), skipping most Christmas threads on MN etc, but it’s hard.

NameChange84 · 31/10/2020 08:02

My Christmasses are tiny due to only having my parents in the U.K. and no other family here. I usually end up in tears at some point because I know I’m not doing it “right” as without kids and a big family, once church has been done and dinner cooked and eaten...then it’s just me sat on my own while my elderly parents sleep it off. I do find Christmas is hard on my mental health. All my hobbies stop, I’m off work, everyone else is busy with parties, family, children and obviously can’t make time for the random single friend. I’m hugely relieved when things get back to normal in January as for me that Christmas period drags and drags. I was suicidal last December and I cannot begin to describe what it’s like to feel totally alone and depressed while everyone around you seems to be so “merry” and all the songs on the radio are happy and about love and family, all the TV channels are playing Christmas things and you just aren’t in that bubble. There’s no escape from Christmas and I didn’t realise that until last year when I felt so awful. And please don’t tell me I should have volunteered on Christmas Day (the token phrase that’s bandied about to lonely single people along with why don’t you adopt?). I volunteered for two charities every single week for over ten years and was emotionally burnt out and needed a break and some support myself.

KizzyWayfarer · 31/10/2020 08:04

“Why can't be just be left alone to enjoy whatever is available”
Because it gets massively hyped up in order to get people to buy stuff. Companies wouldn’t sell so much if they showed people having a low key Christmas or not being arsed with the whole thing.

KizzyWayfarer · 31/10/2020 08:06

NameChange84 Flowers

serialreturner · 31/10/2020 08:08

@Breastfeedingworries

If anything this year there is zero pressure, if someone was alone on the day no one would think they’re billynomates they’d praise them for following the rules to the letter...

Make the most of the day whatever that means to you. I think this years been great for the quiet unpopular, few like small weddings ect.

There’s no expectations. Have a great Christmas Halloween Grin

This for me. No travelling. M&S order is in.

I'm so looking forward to it.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2020 08:15

I think if you’re dreading it for some reason it would feel like this. 💐

1starwars2 · 31/10/2020 08:48

I don't get the big deal about Christmas. My MIL has been worried about it for months.
For me it's just a fun day, and we celebrate it for the kids.
I wish people would stop going on about it too.

SweatyBetty20 · 31/10/2020 08:55

@NameChange84 I so know how you feel - I’ve had some really rough Christmases, wanting to hibernate when everyone else is so jolly and there seems to be a massive flashing neon sign in the air that says “ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?”

The sign for me that things had to change was when I was in my 20s at a NYE house party that I’d been persuaded to go to. I didn’t realise I was the only single person there until the clock struck midnight and everyone had someone else to kiss but me. I’m quite stoical but that did me in and I swore I’d never put myself in that position again.

Now my Christmases are all about self-care. I don’t go mad on Xmas stuff - a fake tree and garland over the mantelpiece is as far as I go. I invest in nice food for me, a couple of bottles of wine, and several books. I always buy myself a present - one year a fucking expensive candle, another year a black and decker workbench. I tidy up before Xmas Eve. Then I spend the Christmas period almost in hibernation - lots of reading, the odd non-Xmas film, long baths, face masks, pedicures, bundle up, earbuds in, and go for a walk every day.

NYE I get up early, and clean the house from top to bottom - a real spring clean. Kitchen cupboards, bathroom deep clean, wardrobe sort out, the lot. Then a hot bath, nice tea, phone on silent, early night with a book and a Nytol, and asleep well before midnight. The following morning it’s a new year new start and then back to work. My mood visibly lifts when I can feel it’s almost a whole year until the next one.

Won’t work for everyone but these are my ways of “getting through it”.

randomer · 31/10/2020 09:00

I was suicidal last December and I cannot begin to describe what it’s like to feel totally alone and depressed while everyone around you seems to be so “merry”

Very sorry to hear you have had this experience.

For me, it is at best something to be tolerated . Of course, I can turn off the media but imagine you havd a clicker and you clicked it everytime you heard " Christmas. It would be in the hundreds.
This year the hype is extreme. "Save Christmas" blah blah. A lockdown is not just a lockdown, its "the only way to save Christmas"

OP posts:
randomer · 31/10/2020 09:02

@SweatyBetty20, yes. Thats all I can say...YES

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 31/10/2020 09:07

I like Christmas and start to look forward to it from about mid December. We don't do big family gatherings but I will be sad if we can't see my elderly relatives this year, but no sadder than I have been about hardly seeing them since March.

I do loathe the hype, the ridiculous urging to spend money, the adverts on TV, the endless threads on here about it from August onwards. Christmas is a few days out of 365 ... not three months.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 31/10/2020 09:11

My parents are insisting that they will have the normal Christmas. My adult kids don't want to give them Covid so are reluctant to visit. They are also reluctant to risk contracting it from my sibling if they visit my folks (sibling lives in high transmission rate area) and my parents are still wanting them home at Christmas . Don't know if that will happen but I'm under a fair bit of pressure to balance everyone's wishes and not hurt anyone's feeling.
It's also expensive, at a time when I really think we shouldn't be spending lots.
I can't see me feeling relaxed and happy, just anxious.

hammeringinmyhead · 31/10/2020 09:15

I get it. It's all anyone talks about in November and December. And actually I am a bit pissed off about being chucked back into lockdown in a very rural tier 1 area to "save Christmas" when our day is me, DH and DS.

Obviously I understand we need to get cases down, not disputing that at all, but don't use Christmas as the narrative. What does it say about us that Boris thinks "save 4k people a day from dying" won't work but "save Christmas" will?

Rosebel · 31/10/2020 09:16

I find fb awful at Christmas, to the extent that I don't go on there in December. All those pretend happy families and heaps of presents and the "I spent 52 million pounds on my child, but it's worth it" it's designed to make most people feel awful because they can't do the same.
I actually love Christmas but have stopped worrying about what people think. As long as my family enjoy it, nothing else really matters.

CuteOrangeElephant · 31/10/2020 09:18

I never got the hype about Christmas. I grew up outside of the UK and the British truly do go crazy. It's a constant barrage of pressure, never-ending parties and financial stress. Starting early, so by the time it is actually Christmas I've had enough of the whole thing.

My SIL admitted feeling financial pressure but just spending less and having a slightly more sober Christmas is not something that she's willing to entertain. I just don't get it.

Luckily my DH feels the same despite being British. We don't do polar breakfasts, elves on shelves, first December boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, expensive advent calendars, grottos, pantos, Christmas train rides... It does make me feel like the Grinch sometimes compared to other parents Hmm