The pressure to enjoy Christmas is too much.

[randomer]

I think the hype on top of the hype will make more people struggle with MH.
Why can't be just be left alone to enjoy whatever is available.
The pressure to have some sort of Dickensian gathering will tip those of us who don't, over the edge.

It’s only as stressful as you make it for yourself. Pinpoint which aspects make you stressed/overwhelmed and adapt them. For example if it’s cooking the dinner - think of shortcuts that make it easier for yourself- or even just scrap the whole idea of a traditional turkey dinner, you could have buffet food instead, or lasagne or whatever meal your family loves.
I love Christmas in my house as it’s so relaxed, we wear pyjamas all day (clean ones put on in the morning) rely a bit too heavily on marks and Spencer’s ready prepared sides that get shoved in the oven, with a roast chicken. We go for a nice winter walk if we fancy it, kids play with there presents all day and we watch some tv. Nothing to be stressed about as it’s just a nice relaxed day!

OP - it is easy to opt out. Do as much or as little as you want to. No one is forcing you into a jolly Dickensian Christmas. It's not the law to have a great Christmas. Stand your ground with those around you. Draw a tinsel line in the sand and tell everyone you will not step over it until at least 28th no matter how many baubles or humbugs they throw at you.

Pre kids - I never bothered with Halloween. Barely noticed it. Now we have a huge party every year with the house decorated inside and out.

Good luck OP

There is a lot of pressure to buy stuff, have the perfect day - with stuff, buy more presents, not be alone - so you can buy more food!.

There are media representations of different, less pressurised Christmases but you have to look for them. Martin Lewis from MoneySavingExpert always campaigns on buying less gifts. If you are alone at Christmas, Sarah Millican runs a hashtag Join In on Twitter which is lovely, just people having a day on their own doing their thing.

I agree with you. Also, what I don't like is the pressure to have a perfect 'family christmas'. I applaud those of you who are able to ignore the constant adverts etc but for many women the pressure, especially if you have children is huge. So many feel like they have failed because they can't give their children the image that is projected on t.v. You only have to look at the levels of debt incurred at this time of year from pay day lenders and loan sharks to get an idea of this pressure. I also see the horrendous spike in domestic violence at xmas so I've never been a fan. It also pisses me off when I tell people that I don't cook a Xmas dinner because I don't like it and the kids aren't fussed on it either- and they look at me aghast as if I am fecking criminal. People have offered to bring me plates of food over because they sorry for me husband. What I do enjoy though is a lovely walk with the family if it's á nice clear crisp winter day

Much of the hype around Christmas reminds me of how lonely I am, there will be me and DS (14) with his Dad (my ex) will pop over in the morning for a couple of hours. My parents are dead and I have no siblings or other family who I see. Seeing massive family gatherings on the Christmas ads is quite depressing. Don’t get me wrong we do have a nice time it just feels like we are missing out.

Usually I don’t think about it much until the ads start but this year with corona people have already been harping on for weeks about how Christmas will be ruined if they can’t have a dozen people round. Lots of what are we going to do if my family of 4 can’t spend the day with my sisters family of 4 - it is really getting on my nerves!

My sympathies are with anyone who is actually alone and doesn’t want to be but mostly everyone else will be just fine.

@AnnaMagnani my DH tried to do the Martin Lewis thing with my in-laws and they refused to consider it.

We spent hundreds of pounds on his family every Christmas (I calculated 240 pounds this year), granted we get the same spent back to us but only on presents that they consider acceptable.

Meanwhile my (bigger) family do secret Santa, 20 quid each (up from 10 pounds ), which makes the total present "liability" 40 pounds for my side of the family.

Inger it but I actually think a low key Christmas is more possible tjis year: no pressure for big family gatherings...bliss. Less crazy Cheistmas events on...more chilled.
I actually live certain things about it: the food, lights and sparkly decorations are lovely.

Christmas*

@CuteOrangeElephant We suggested it to ILs and some were keen and some said NO! So we have unilaterally downgraded presents. So joint present from me and DH to BIL and SIL - packet of shortbread level gifts. Still doing gifts for children as that seemed mean but adults, not so much.

And the hint seems to have been taken - following year, everyone was doing the same thing. We knew some of the family were keen to give up so they are glad the list has been cut down too. Funnily enough it was the women who have to buy the gifts who wanted to cut down but the men who receive them who insisted it stay the same

Completely agree OP - I was thinking the same. Normally i quite like the build up but find the actual day a bit depressing. It will be even worse this year as there will probably be virtually no build up (carol services, work parties, pantomimes), but they will probably make a concession for meeting family on Christmas day, making those who don't have anyone or who don't like the ones they have feel even worse for not enjoying it!

@randomer it’s basically a bloody good rest and a lot of self indulgence on my own. Parents are dead, so I go to family for one day and that’s it. The difference this year is that after being single for nearly 10 years I acquired a boyfriend - still early days, and he’s a 50/50 dad - so he can come on walks, but thankfully he’s not a fan of Xmas either so my house will be pretty much an Xmas free chill out zone.

I am not complaining for myself, I will plod on OK. Partner is supportive, no major problems.
I feel for others though.

Mmmm. I don't know how I feel about it all. I've always really liked Christmas, and I do have a nice family, small children, and a and a log fire and all the trappings, and we've never gone mad and have aways focused on the simple things.

But the last few years it's felt really flat. Granted for three bloody years in a row now, morning sickness and/or norovirus has hit on Christmas week including the day itself, but I think it's also partly that it seems to be so huge and start so early - I think it's been particularly bad this last few years - elf on the shelf, North pole breakfasts, bigger and earlier Santa experiences - you can't avoid hearing about them even if you don't do them yourself... so even though we err on the side of a low key Christmas, even for us it's felt like we have been smacked round the head by it for months by the time the day itself rolls round. The magic is really being sucked out of it.

So YANBU but at the same time I do hope that if one good thing comes out of Covid it will be that the Christmas madness calms the fuck down

@CuteOrangeElephant, nightmare, the whole present thing.

I've massively cut down on presents too. I don't give to receive but I spent a bit more than usual on a present for someone last year, something they had said they liked and would use, only to find out it had been chucked out six weeks later. It left a bad taste.

I adore Christmas but this year the wider family (Aunts, Uncles, cousins etc) have agreed not to bother with gifts or cards which has taken a whole heap of stress away.
I’ve already done the rest of my shopping bar some stuff for the DC.
Turkey crown, beef and gammon are safely in the freezer.

I think it will be a much more low key Christmas this year, and I’m quite happy with that.
I find New Year more of a drag tbh, we always end up watching Hootenanny (which I always thought was live 😳)imagining everyone else is having a better time than us at parties etc. Comparison is the thief of joy!

My Christmas could always be considered to be a pitiful affair, but I give zero fucks what anyone else thinks and I certainly do not consult social media for a blueprint to follow.
As a non religious person, I feel pretty hypocritical celebrating a religious festival without the nod to the reason behind it. But as I am a single parent with an only child, I do give her presents and a tree. I can't give her family because we don't have any and I refuse to hold a pity party about the fact they are all dead and can't attend my roast dinner on a random Friday.

Oh by the way, re volunteering, many organisations are full for months in advance and you have to book your slot early ,as a volunteer.
Apparently quite a few people struggle with it all.

We don't do polar breakfasts, elves on shelves, first December boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, expensive advent calendars, grottos, pantos, Christmas train rides

Neither do we. I have no idea what a polar breakfast is. Elf on the Shelf is tacky and slightly sinister. But I can't say I've ever felt pressured to do any of them either. Social media has a lot to answer for. But people need to remember that adverts and Instagram pictures are not instructions. I absolutely love Christmas, but I don't feel pressured into anything. We do Christmas how we want, and always have done. Family, tree, decorations we've had for years, presents (not OTT), nice food. That's it. No 'experiences' or Insta-extravagance.

Have a social media / internet / news break it’s not that hard to avoid this stuff. Then do what you want. I barely ever take part in Christmas these past few years - I go on holiday or something else usually !

@randomer

I think the hype on top of the hype will make more people struggle with MH. Why can't be just be left alone to enjoy whatever is available. The pressure to have some sort of Dickensian gathering will tip those of us who don't, over the edge.

As far as I am aware a Dickensian Christmas suggests something cheerless, poor and squalid. People with no money and no food having a terrible time. I hope no-one has that sort of Christmas.

Leave social media for awhile.

I tend to take action photos, just, oh that's sweet. The pictures of the children snuggled together watching a film because the reality is they fought all day and now they have crashed out and it's lovely to have peace again in the house, or the family board game or the Christmas dinner which has been months of thinking, planning and buying in prep for and then balancing Christmas morning and cooking of and we all sit down and the kids are moaning they would rather have McDonald's ,not really in my case, they like dinner, but you get the point.

But the last few years it's felt really flat. Granted for three bloody years in a row now, morning sickness and/or norovirus has hit on Christmas week including the day itself

Tbf convulsive puking will dull the sparkle on anything! Wishing you a magical vom free Christmas for 2020

We do a ‘big’ Christmas but based on tradition and celebration not purchasing things.

I’ll miss it very much but I’d rather a quieter Christmas season than more people succumbing to an avoidable death. I really feel for people who have lost someone close and will feel bereft this year.
Hopefully time enough to rekindled traditions or build new ones from next year. For many restrictions will solve family feud concerns and avoiding huge parties will be much cheaper for many.

Wishing you a magical vom free Christmas for 2020

I'm picturing a Card on the mantelpiece with those exact words 😏