To talk to DD's teacher about this little boy?

[FortunesFave]

DD is 12 so I suppose hes not that little...but anyway. He lives on the same street as we do and since we're in a country town in Oz, they both attend the same small school and have been in the same class together since 7.

His Mum has always kept herself to herself...she kept callling to my house with her son when the kids were smaller and we did have a few playdates with them but I was never keen as she seemed a bit odd somehow.

Last week, she was in a car crash and a friend of mine was first on the scene...my friend said she was drunk and the police were called. She was taken to hospital for the night.

My friend works in a local shop and says this woman is always turning up drunk during the day.

I asked DD about the little boy and she said "Nobody likes him...he plays with the kids two years below us"

Naturally I was upset at the thought of this and have been worrying about him. He is an only child and I know his Mum has no family at all....she's not social and is withdrawn in general.

Should I speak to the teacher....not about his Mum's drinking but about his welfare? He seems so alone every time I see him...what I don't want to do is to get his Mum in trouble so telling the teacher about his Mums drinking might seem more gossipy than anything...but is he safe? DH says he often walks past their house at 11.00pm and sees her car is gone but the lights are on and the little boy can be seen sitting on the verandah like he's waiting for his Mum. :(

Please please talk to social services. This is not being nosey, this is safety. They won't do anything from one report, but a pattern might get the mum some help. School won't be able to do anything.

@Casschops

I wouldn't be speaking with the teacher as any social services report would only be taken seriously coming from you first hand. You could share your concerns so that the teacher is aware but you need to contact social services.

This. Any bad concerns such as this need to be reported directly to social services. Then inform the teacher of what you witnessed and the action you have taken.

@Caeruleanblue - the police are actually all over drunk driving here. It’s not tolerated or excused at all. Especially of kids are involved. I don’t know why you would think that.

@justilou1 The reason I thought that is because almost NO drink is allowed in Scotland before you are over the limit. Not many places are as strict, slightly less strict in England. And it did not seem to be the OP's main concern which it would be for me - the poor woman could kill herself, her son or anyone else on the road if she is drinking a lot and driving. That ime would be the main issue that SS or the police would respond to and imv the first thing that should be reported.
Whereas the thread is talking about friendships and school. That's where I was coming from with my view.

Agree that you should report it somewhere. In the uk I would say Nspcc or local child safeguarding team. Please report.

Talk to the school or social care direct.

I can assure you if the school were told of her penchant for drink-driving (assuming that this was not her first time), then our equivalent of SS would be all over it. The police have zero tolerance for it. In a small town they’re probably aware of the family situation already. She may be the lesser of two evils when it comes to custody of that child, unfortunately. We just don’t have great foster or care situations available. (It’s pretty dire atm - our Govt prefers to fund mining companies instead.)

Report to the school.

We are socialised to stay out of other peoples' business but my line is this - if you do nothing, is that child at risk of coming to harm? If something happened to him, would you be satisfied with your choice?
Granted I work with vulnerable families so see safeguarding issues a lot!

@Caeruleanblue

The tolerance in Australia to drink driving is strictly limited by law without no exceptions. If you are over the limit, aside from going to court the easiest thing that can happen to you is a fine and losing your license.

Legal limits are strictly enforced. Police routinely sets up road blocks for alcohol testing in all suburbs, at any time on any day. I live in a very leafy suburb in NSW and police set up drink driving tests on back streets on morning weekdays for almost 3 months in my suburb. It's not unusual, you can expect a police block anywhere anytime testing for alcohol.

You obviously know nothing about Australia to make such an outrageous assumption.

You should report it, first to the school and after to the Oranga Tamariki, the Ministry for Children department.

He's 12 and seriously at risk of abuse and neglect. You don't need to be personally involved but make sure that teachers and authorities know what's happening and get involved.

There is a very ignorant view about Australia on Mumsnet forums. What they don’t know is that Australia is actually one of the most strictly policed countries in the world. (Some would even go so far as to say Nanny State in many ways...) We are not the lawless outback most of you envision. 96.7% of our population lives in or around around either Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane - our three biggest cities, in high-density, urban living environments - not the sprawling cattle and sheep properties you seem to imagine. There is no more room for antisocial drink driving here than there is over there. We have the same social problems - just with different accents. Life is nothing at all like Home and A-Fucking-Way. (Btw, have never heard anyone called a Flaming Galah in my life. A galah is actually a pretty bird.)

justilou1

I don't get why there is this ignorant and prejudiced views about Australia on this website. I truly don't get it.

We are not the lawless outback most of you envision. 96.7% of our population lives in or around around either Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane - our three biggest cities, in high-density, urban living environments - not the sprawling cattle and sheep properties you seem to imagine

Many people unfortunately believe cliches and stereotype Australia in a way that's unrecognisable to us living here. There is almost a "racist" overtone in some posts - how can Australia and New Zealand colonies be doing better than us? If they are doing better is because.. instead of saying "good on you, our government got it wrong".

I usually don't bother answering prejudiced comments about Australia, New Zealand or Spain (my home country). But from time to time, there is one that pisses me off.

I have another Spanish friend who feels the same @Alondra!

[quote Caeruleanblue]@justilou1 The reason I thought that is because almost NO drink is allowed in Scotland before you are over the limit. Not many places are as strict, slightly less strict in England. And it did not seem to be the OP's main concern which it would be for me - the poor woman could kill herself, her son or anyone else on the road if she is drinking a lot and driving. That ime would be the main issue that SS or the police would respond to and imv the first thing that should be reported.
Whereas the thread is talking about friendships and school. That's where I was coming from with my view.[/quote]
I recently reported a drunk driver [UK]. He was visibly drunk/slurring and someone found a bottle of whisky in the front passenger seat.

The police came to take a witness statement and said he was twice over the limit. The police got in touch via phone a few more times saying he is pleading not guilty despite the evidence and would I be prepared to go to court, was told which court to go to and when via text. I agreed but got a call a month later saying the case was dismissed on a technicality.

Ok... but that’s there. It’s not like that here. You’re breathalysed and given a blood test. Kind of hard to refute that.

Poor lad
I would also say something
I’m suprised no one hasn’t already TBH
Desperately sad

I don't get why there is this ignorant and prejudiced views about Australia on this website. I truly don't get it

Strewth, I just made a wrong assumption about the drink drive laws - due to the fact that the neighbour's drinking was not commented on much on the thread when (as said above) it is the most serious problem imv.
I know that Australia is well policed, a policeperson caught DH speeding last time, policeperson was behind a tree with a speed camera, don't think that's allowed here, they must be clearly visible. I have family living in Australia and visit often, precovid.
It's a great country - family there have no plans to return to the UK. Love it.

I am going to speak to social services. I think it's the best option.

I will add....Australia is the safest place I've ever lived. It is indeed strictly policed...they're out on weekend mornings randomly breathalyzing people.

Just want to add that according to one of my police friends here in Aus, one of the busiest times to catch drink driving mothers is Monday after lunch. According to her, they “treat themselves” for surviving the weekend with the kids. Sigh.... The police target the school zones prior to pick up for this reason.

The posters commenting that it is OP's responsibility to befriend this woman, trying to virtue signal, have spectacularly missed the point. This boy needs help ASAP and befriending a stranger to the point of getting to know their home situation, how much they drink and the extent to which the neglect their child and are willing and able to accept help, takes considerably longer than phoning social services or the school. It is not the OP's responsibility to befriend a grown woman but she has recognised her responsibility to contact the authorities about the child.