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Original poster

Anyone else has a DH who drinks every night and talks shit

32 replies

yarncakes · 30/10/2020 18:40

Cos I am just about done with it. My DH drinks every single night, drowning his sorrows about this and that and feeling sorry for himself. He's not the only one in this situation we're in (don't want to go into details about it? and He doesn't think about me, about my mental health or what I am going through but I am still plodding on and still standing. Anyway that's another story but when he drinks, he isn't getting totally drunk but just on the verge and my goodness He talks absolutely shit and I really can't be doing with it. I just stare at him and wish it would be over. Then he wants sex with his stinky alcoholic breath lurking over me and I tell him to piss ort because I don't want sex with someone whose been drinking. I don't like it and it is a total turnoff. I am teetotal as I have a child to look after so both of us drinking is not really appropriate. I'm just sick of it. He always tries to pick an argument as well and I just walk off because if I carry on, I will literally blow. Anyone else.. Or just me?

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 30/10/2020 18:57

I had a DM like that growing up. Teenage years were horrible. She didn’t just talk shite, but would cry and on occasions throw up. It felt pretty good to move out into my own home.

After my experiences as a teenager, I wouldn’t put up with it as an adult with a partner. His arse would be out of the door.

AnyFucker · 30/10/2020 18:59

He's an alcoholic. This will get worse. How long are you going to put up with it for ?

ChocolateCherrybomb · 30/10/2020 19:03

You are not going to get many people saying yes to that one.

You already sound ready to kick him out.

If you can, do it.

It sounds like he is sucking the life out of you.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 30/10/2020 19:17

Nope because I spent my teenage years in a house with an alcoholic stepfather and DH has known from the beginning of our relationship that it's one of my red lines.

He would be out faster than you can say 'Jack Daniels' if he behaved like that. I've lived through that shit once and I'm not doing it again.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/10/2020 19:19

Don't allow your child to grow up in a home with an alcoholic parent. Get rid of him.

OhCaptain · 30/10/2020 19:23

No, I don't. Because I couldn't live like that and I don't think you should either.

IamPickleRick · 30/10/2020 19:24

Like Lucyccfc68 I grew up with a mother like that and it’s affected me more than anything else and I have had some very traumatic childhood experiences.

I would LTB and I don’t say that lightly.

Gillian1980 · 30/10/2020 19:31

Nope.

My DF is an alcoholic, much as I love him I find his behaviour tedious. My DH likes a few beers once or twice a week (and I’ll have a cider or 2 with him) but I have very little tolerance for people being pissed and annoying.

Sounds like he has alcohol issues and difficulties managing whatever is going on in your lives.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/10/2020 19:34

I don't blame you he sounds like a self pitying miserable sod.
I couldn't listen to him without a scowl.
Is he willing to change.

Notadramallama · 30/10/2020 19:37

Yes - I divorced him

lilmishap · 30/10/2020 19:41

Yes and he stole 7 years of my life and left my MH in tatters.

Sorryusernamealreadyexists · 30/10/2020 19:41

No, because my dad did this to us growing up and I swore I would never ever bring my children up with, or choose to live with an alcoholic again.

LoisDevineeeee · 30/10/2020 19:42

Yep, as above I am in the process of divorcing him, his drinking and all the awful things that came with it almost destroyed me, I've never felt happier since I packed his bags and left them outside for him to collect

Ijumpedtheshark · 30/10/2020 19:48

This was my life. I gave up drinking and then so did DH. Neither of us will ever drink again as our life is amazing now.

Chamberlai · 30/10/2020 19:52

Of course not. Who in their right mind would put up with a DH like that?

Daphnise · 30/10/2020 19:59

You don't just "leave", "divorce" "chuck out" an alcoholic partner, so these facile ideas need to be put aside.

The reality is without sufficient financial resources, short and medium term you are stuck, and it's a position so many are in.

It must be lonely and demoralising, but maybe you need to get advice, professional advice, and soldier on for the moment.

I am sorry.

audweb · 30/10/2020 20:03

I did. We separated. He showed no interest in stopping drinking despite telling me EVERY night that “this was the last time”. It ate up money, his well being and my mental health. It wasn’t healthy for our DD to be around that all the time and the hungover grumpiness we had to face the next day every day.

You can leave any partner if you want to, no one is forced to stay with someone if you want the relationship to end, that’s not how life is.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 30/10/2020 20:07

You don't just "leave", "divorce" "chuck out" an alcoholic partner, so these facile ideas need to be put aside.

The reality is without sufficient financial resources, short and medium term you are stuck, and it's a position so many are in.

What are you talking about, Daphnise?

2020iscancelled · 30/10/2020 20:12

Not now but many years ago I had a partner who was a regular drinker - didn’t get absolutely blind drunk but enough to be well over the limit - and he would talk ENDLESS shit at me.
Aggressive sometimes but mostly teetering on the edge of aggressive, some what sinister. Bringing up old arguments, pushing my buttons, provoking me, trying to get a rise.
It was exhausting and soul destroying.
I got lucky and he actually met someone else and we broke up, but I have never ever entertained a partner who drinks regularly since.
I cannot be around drunk men now. I hate it.

I am sorry you are in this position OP, unless you think there is any chance of him seeing his addiction and problems and addressing them then I would be thinking about putting things in order to make a new life - getting some practical advice re finances, housing, childcare etc.

Life doesn’t have to be lived in misery. Good luck

Original poster
yarncakes · 30/10/2020 20:29

I don't think he will change. He's been like this for years and I've put up with it for so long that maybe that's why my mental health is in a state. He has clearly said before if anything bad happened to me then he would kill himself,so I'm guessing that's similar to me leaving. I feel awful and I do love him but this is draining me so much. I think because he's also cut from his mates due to coronavirus that's why he drinks even more. He cannot cope.

OP posts:
Silversun83 · 30/10/2020 20:31

Nope.. Similar to PPs, having lived with two alcoholic parents (one an angry, violent drunk, the other an emotional self-pitying one), there is no way I would put myself through it.

Both DH and I are now pretty much teetotal (aside from maybe one or two drinks at Christmas and summer holiday) and I can't stand to be around drunk people.

Shitfuckoh · 30/10/2020 20:35

DCs dad used to drink rarely at weekends when we met. Or so I thought. It became obvious it was every single weekend by the time I was pregnant. I thought I could cope with every single weekend. This then started being a 'can every now & then' at home during the week too. Didn't expect to find out when pregnant with our 3rd! that actually, he'd been drinking lunch times at work too. That was on top of the 'odd' 10 can he would have at home during the week & hide the evidence. Think going for a walk to the shop for something that wasn't needed so he could pick up a pack of 4 to drink before getting home.

Promised he'd get help. He was doing so well, then when things weren't so easy, he then went back to drinking. Hiding it again. Things came to a head Christmas eve. I explained to him after Christmas that actually, I couldn't carry on like that & I wanted better for my DC. Took him a while to finally leave but he did, almost 18 months ago.

I'm telling you this so you can see that you don't need to put up with it. If this isn't the life you want, you can change it.

Shitfuckoh · 30/10/2020 20:36

That meant to say over 18 months ago, not almost. But whatever.

Storyoftonight · 30/10/2020 20:39

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

You don't just "leave", "divorce" "chuck out" an alcoholic partner, so these facile ideas need to be put aside.

The reality is without sufficient financial resources, short and medium term you are stuck, and it's a position so many are in.

What are you talking about, Daphnise?

Daphnise is right. It's not that simple.
Chicchicchicchiclana · 30/10/2020 20:43

Why are you asking if anyone else is in this situation yarncakes? The only person who matters here is YOU, not anyone else on Mumsnet (and yes of course there will be others here living with an alcoholic partner who they despise). You don't have to measure yourself, your husband, your relationship, or anything else up against what other people on Mumsnet are experiencing. Just concentrate on you for now.