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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has my manager just ignored my upset

32 replies

Kayleighharbs · 30/10/2020 00:21

Went to a staff meeting the other night, a few things was said by my manager who led the meeting that I think was unfair and just didn’t make sense. He said at the end of the meeting we could message him any questions or queries, so I did message him, saying I was upset about things said in meeting and could we speak tomorrow when we was both in together. He replied saying yes of course he would find time to talk to me and he didn’t mean to upset anyone. So went into work, he greeted me like nothing had been said, so went about my day thinking he will take me aside at some point to talk about things and nothing... feel really let down and not sure if IABU Or not. He asks alot of us as a team, and we get on with it, never had to speak to him on this level before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kayleighharbs · 30/10/2020 00:22
Smile
OP posts:
AvoidingRealHumans · 30/10/2020 00:23

I would assume that it had slipped his mind and ask him when he can fit you in for the chat that you had discussed.

Original poster
Kayleighharbs · 30/10/2020 00:30

AvoidingRealHumans Thank you, wasn’t sure if I should bring it up, will try this tomorrow 😊

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 30/10/2020 01:17

Did you speak to him when you came back into work? Maybe he was waiting for you to indicate whether you still wanted a chat?

user1471457751 · 30/10/2020 01:19

As you were the one wanting the chat, I think you should have gone and spoken to him

Wingedharpy · 30/10/2020 01:27

Maybe he thought you'd slept on it and didn't feel quite so upset now or, maybe he expected you to raise the matter if you still wanted to speak to him.
Or, maybe he was mentally distracted with a million and one other things and he just forgot.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2020 02:12

Just remind him. He was wrong not to approach you about this.

TulipCat · 30/10/2020 02:16

Send him a calendar invite suggesting a time for the conversation.

alexdgr8 · 30/10/2020 02:21

well you don't say what kind of thing it was that you objected to, but i would counsel you to be careful what you say to your manager, esp in the present jobs climate.
lets sleeping dogs lie; possible where.
if you insist on a meeting, it will be officially noted.
maybe that would not be in your best interests.
keep your head down i would say. good luck.

Porridgeoat · 30/10/2020 02:27

I think it was up to you to go chat to him. You’d prepped him you wanted to chat to him

jessstan1 · 30/10/2020 02:33

Just tell him you want to clarify some of the things he said; it probably slipped his mind or he couldn't find 'a minute' to talk but if you are still concerned, it's worth bringing it up again.

Tell us how you get on. Good luck.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/10/2020 03:35

After what he said when you messaged him he should have approached you. Maybe he was hoping you would drop it, may be it slipped his mind. Either way, the thing to do is to remind him.

seayork2020 · 30/10/2020 04:05

If I wanted a meeting I would then have gone in the next day and asked for one in person, same as if my manager wants to see me for a meeting I except him to arrange it with me personally (or at least email me and say 'can we meet at 2pm' or whatever)

steff13 · 30/10/2020 04:21

It seems like he was surprised that you were upset, maybe since you didn't approach him, he thought you'd changed your mind.

emilyfrost · 30/10/2020 04:26

YABU. You were the one who wanted to chat so the onus was on you to approach him for it.

Acappella · 30/10/2020 04:45

Well, he clearly thinks his position as outlined in the meeting isn’t ‘unfair’ and made perfect sense, so I think the onus is on you to remind him you want to discuss something. Were you specific about what you consider problematic, or did you just say you were ‘upset’? Wasn’t it possible to raise it at the meeting itself?

PaTCh64355 · 30/10/2020 04:49

Managers are human too, he may just have forgotten. Ask to have a chat with him when you are next together.

wirldsgonemad · 30/10/2020 04:55

Maybe he thought your reasons for being upset weren't justified and he didn't really want to have that conversation with you because fundamentally he didn't agree with you. He hoped you would drop it.

KarmaNoMore · 30/10/2020 04:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicerbeing · 30/10/2020 07:52

I disagree that you should have chased him OP. You told him you were upset and as your manager you would expect him to take that onboard and make a time to discuss things with you.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 30/10/2020 08:26

I would say it depends on the day , if it was particularly busy (for example I worked mostly in an industry where on a bad day there could be multiple medical emergencies and honestly anything else may get shelved on a really bad one) he may have forgotten.

I have also , especially if someone has emailed straight after the situation , let them come to me purely to give them time if they had changed their minds. I once talked a manager under rme out of sending a blistering career ending email to our CEO as she was justifiably angry but I got her to wait 24 hours , by that time she had found a more productive way to deal with it. She was in the right but would have ended her career.

I have found sometimes people do change their mind and want to let it lie , it depends if it was racism sexism etc I would go to them to follow up.

Remind him about it ,he may have done either of the above.

PleasantVille · 30/10/2020 08:31

@TulipCat

Send him a calendar invite suggesting a time for the conversation.
How do you do that? Is it a phone app?

At my work if you want to speak to a manager you usually catch them at the start of the day and ask when's a good time to meet. I'm interested to know if it's being done wrongly

seventhrow · 30/10/2020 08:36

@PleasantVille some companies have a culture of “calendar invites” and some do not. It’s a Microsoft Outlook function and in larger corporate companies I can see why it’s helpful. At my work (smaller company) I just send a quick message to my boss or pop my head in office asking what their day looks like and when might be good. Not a right or wrong thing. Just different!

PleasantVille · 30/10/2020 08:40

[quote seventhrow]@PleasantVille some companies have a culture of “calendar invites” and some do not. It’s a Microsoft Outlook function and in larger corporate companies I can see why it’s helpful. At my work (smaller company) I just send a quick message to my boss or pop my head in office asking what their day looks like and when might be good. Not a right or wrong thing. Just different![/quote]
Thank you @seventhrow, the way it was posted made me think it was a universal thing that my work was missing

My work is a smaller company and I've noticed before on job type threads that posters assume that all jobs have HR departments and strict policies on every aspect of working life, nothing like my workplace at all

Nicepillows · 30/10/2020 08:44

@PleasantVille oh I completely agree with MN assumptions about working life. The HR department in our company is.... me..... muddling along on .gov.uk, trying to do the right thing, and ringing up an employment lawyer when I need to. Things are different in smaller companies!!