To think dh is hugely overreacting?

[Lauradoralaura]

Dh has just collected a takeaway for us from a well known place. He got in, I started plating it up and half the order was missing. Too much to just make it work by sharing it out.

Extremely annoying, it cost us £40. Obvious thing is to ring them and get them to redo the order.

Dh starts shouting and swearing saying he knew this would happen, he's never going there again, they're fucking useless. Shouting at our 5 year old who was trying to show him something.

I did say (calmly and politely) he probably should have checked in the bag before leaving as one bag didn't seem enough knowing what we had ordered (it's usually a full bag just for two but this time dc are having takeout too), so he then starts shouting at me how that's not fucking possible when it's dark in the car, if I'm so good I can go myself next time. I did offer to go with him but he said to wait with the dc.

We've rang and they are going to redo the order, very annoying but it's only 5 minutes away. Not the end of the world.

He's gone out ranting and raving how he's never ever getting a fucking takeaway again, how he can't do this again it's too much for him and he can't cope with it.

Aibu to feel a bit shit now about the whole thing and think he's being ridiculous?

You're married to a knob

Is he a bit anxious about going to the shop if it's always around that?

He shouted as you OP because he forgot to bring the loo roll on holiday?

Episodes like this make me glad (again) that I am no longer married to a bad-tempered man.

This would really piss me off, I hate being shouted at.

Ah give him a break. I've been known on occasion to flip over a minor inconvenience when I've had a build up of inconveniences to deal with usually combined with tiredness and or hunger. It's very bloody annoying when your order is fucked up. I can't eat onions and so have to order everything without them, it's a pain in the arse as onions are on everything. I can't tell you the amount of time my order is messed up, I'm almost used to it but sometimes it's just the final straw. I worked in restaurants as a teen and I can't fathom how people get it wrong so often so sometimes I shout and swear about the incompetence of it all. I wouldn't shout at my DC though - he needs to apologize for that - it's more a stomping temper tantrum aimed at no one in particular. As you say he's not an aggressive man usually so ease up.

It's not nice and it's not pretty but we do give certain family members a little bit of leeway

So they always get to be nasty to other people just because they're hungry?

They're in for a shock when the real world meets them. No one likes a sulky mardarse.

Missing the point of the thread but I’ll bet it was KFC. Fucking always get the order wrong at our local!

I'd expect him to apologise for this ridiculous behaviour. I hope he didn't scare your son.

He sounds hungry. Men lose their shit when they’re really hungry.

He shouted as you OP because he forgot to bring the loo roll on holiday?

So what happened was he'd nipped in to get a few essentials. It was when the masks n shops law had recently come in.

We needed toilet roll for the holiday flat, he forgot. I said we would definitely need some and he started yelling how no way was he going back in the shop, we would have to make do without, he couldn't breath in the mask, he couldn't cope going round the shop again with the one way system, he couldn't carry the toilet paper. But he was shouting all this at me, he did go back in the end, slamming the car door on the way. Came out like a different person.

Now I'm making him sound like an aggressive nob, but we have been together 15 years and rarely have I ever known him to shout, swear but I am noticing a pattern now of overreacting to going in shops and places.

Anxiety?

Definitely sounds like an overreaction but to be fair your comment wasn't helpful or necessary. Yes, he probably should have double checked but to be honest how many ppl actually do?

Oh and I don't always send him in the shop. But when he does go in he seems to be getting extremely stressed.

He's calmed down now, has apologised.

Just feel I'm having to fan the flames a bit too regularly these days.

Is your husband suffering with anxiety? Sometimes when I'm anxious I tend to shout, it's my outlet

Make him go to the shops every week until it doesn't become a problem. I don't like driving on the motorway but when i do it every day its easy and no stress.

It sounds like he’s finding masks in shops and Covid measures very anxiety inducing. I would show some understanding as I know I’ve burst into tears about a silly thing when it’s been “the last straw”.
BUT also point out (later when all is calm) that when he shouts and rants it is terrifying for your child and you and he needs to control himself if he doesn’t want his family scared of him. If he’s a good person he will not want that.

Yeah I probably shouldn't have said he should have checked. I do always check because I know what takeaway places can be like. But wasn't really worth saying at that point.

I'm beginning to think he does find this kind of stuff really difficult and anxiety inducing.

Hmm, DH, who isn't the most patient person, arrived home after getting a takeaway, and they forgot DD1's order.

Called the takeaway and they delivered it 15 minutes later, so maybe a bit of an over reaction.

Your DH does come across as highly strung.

@museumum cross posted. It does seem to have got worse since the whole mask thing.

We can be in a shop and he'll be fine then all of a sudden start saying he needs to get out of there he can't breath but in a ranty way. But I think we can all get a bit like that? Other times he's fine.

He shouldn't take it out on you, but if this is not a regular thing then I would think it's a reaction to something else he is stressed about or anxiety around shops/masks etc. Sometimes little things can set you off when it's something bigger that is bothering you.

*He sounds hungry. Men lose their shit when they’re really hungry.
*
All of them? So that's ok then?

The most important part of this is that he could be frightening his child and you can not underestimate the impact it has when an adult they trust suddenly turns on them. He needs to not only apologise to his child , and let them know he was wrong to yell , but actually take time out of his stressful day to talk one to one and ask his child how they are feeling, and listen to what they tell him.

From what you are saying this recent poor behaviour appearing to be linked with shops is very out of character for your Dh.

Agree with Museumum that he is actually stressed but not showing it, and he is likely finding the whole masks in shops experience anxiety provoking, and then finding he had brought home the the wrong order on arrival home with food missing was the last straw
Some people hide it well when actually they are already feeling stressed to the eyeballs , then you only know about it when they react badly over something minor.
The whole covid thing constantly in the media, with changes happening constantly around us remind us brings up worrying thoughts for everyone, and mostly we just live with it, bound to come to the surface sooner or later.

Sounds like there’s more going on with him than the takeaway. Anxiety? Depression? Whole situation just getting to him?

Whatever it is, though, it’s not fair to shout at you and it’s really not on for him to shout at a five-year-old. He needs to get a grip on this and fast.

Whatever it is he needs to get on top of it as it will be frightening for your child and also unfair on all of you to be shouted at.
He should have checked the takeaway was all there before leaving - it’s a completely reasonable suggestion.