To be anxious about toddler going from cot to bed

[pandarific]

So, I'm worried about this. Almost 2yo is in a sleeping bag which he can't undo, and we have made the cot side higher so he can't get out (he is very very tall so had to raise it) which works well, as he's never been the 'just lie down and go to sleep' sort of baby, there is always a lot of rolling around and messing with teddies etc before he goes off.

He is a good sleeper when he actually goes to sleep, but currently we sit with him at bedtime as he goes to sleep in the cot, though we're slowly weaning him onto being okay with us leaving the room, when he just rolls around in the cot and eventually goes to sleep.

However, I'm worried about:

• naps. He's not ready to drop the nap but already throws a strop sometimes at having to go down, and if he's not contained I'm worried he'll just be running all over the place and it will be a nightmare
• he often wakes at 6am and has a little grumble, but we listen out and he usually just rolls around a bit and goes back to sleep until 7:30. If he's not contained, again, I'm worried he'll just get up at 6 and I'd really rather he not!
• won't he just get out of bed all the time? My friend has her toddler same age in a toddler bed and he can climb over the gate on his door and has gone from being in bed at 7 to 9 / 9:30 with constant getting up, messing around and I'm just dreading it

Could really do with some practical advice, especially as we have a new baby due March and I'd like him to be settled into the new routine before things are unsettled for him. Any thoughts?

It's not uncommon for 2 year olds to put grow needing a daily nap.

Perhaps that is part of the issue he just isn't that tired at Ned or nap time?

@NameChange30 probably you're right. I'd love to be able to not feel such anger, but unfortunately occasionally I do. Usually after about eg 45 mins of being high-pitch screamed at, or several hours bad behaviour etc. I am very very careful to not do what I want to do which is tantrum like a toddler myself, but I still feel it. Maybe I'll request CBT or something from my GP, I've never bothered as i just assumed no point due to waiting lists, but I may as well get on the list.

Why are you moving him? Mine was nearer 3. Honestly don’t bother unless he’s climbing out.

If he really doesnt want to nap, I wouldnt fight it. At 2 they can start to outgrow naps. If my nearly 2 year old is still awake after 20 minutes she just comes back downstairs. Sometimes it's worse to fight it than power through a non-nap day. Also, I think you have massively overthought this bed thing. It really doesnt need to be a huge deal. It's just like weaning or the first time they sleep in the cot. It's the next step. It may be tricky for a bit, but it will be fine.

Anger wise, I understand the frustration. Sometimes I have to step away from my girl and just leave her to scream on the floor because I cang handle another pointless tantrum. However, that anger should subside after a few minutes of deep breathing. If it was still going strong for enough time to write on MN, then maybe you need to look at how you manage anger. It cant be nice being that angry.

If you want to rant, rant away. Better doing it on here and getting it out your system. Ignore anyone who tells you otherwise. Just because they wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean you can’t.

I'm not sure why you're so worried?

I mean I get the points. But they aren't really things you need to worry about surely?

Or am I massively missing the point???

I moved mine to a bed at the age of 2. Yes they got Up earlier. But then so did we. Mine also stopped napping at the age of 11 months. Both of them!

Sometimes they just don't need one.

I get it, I really do. My first son was a nightmare when we transitioned to a bed, did it at just over 2 and it was far too early and bedtime was horrendous for months. My second son was in his cot for longer and we thought he’d be a nightmare too but hasn’t got out of bed once. Even lies there calling in the mornings, as if he hasn’t realised he can get out.
I wonder if he’s picking up the fact that he’s winding you up and so he’d doing it more because he thinks he’s funny? Make zero fuss, keep putting him back, don’t make it a big deal and the excitement will disappear. It’s only fun because it’s a game.
The anger, make sure you step away when it’s bubbling up. I’ve been there, they really do drive you insane sometimes.

Keep him in cot till three, if necessary buy bigger deeper cot/bed type, and then turn into toddler bed, v familiar.
Gro bag back to front worked for us. Twins here, had naps till 3 years. And the older one..when he was that age.
Same with pushchair, keep assuming you will need it till he is 4!

At that age they appear to need to drop nap, but ride the crest and persevere and nap can keep going till nearer 3 years. Ditto not settling at bedtime round this age. Developmental leap, teeth etc. They are still babies and need their sleep

Re climbing. Climbing is a important drive for toddlers(think baby monkeys learning to climb trees) do as much as you can the rest of the day, slides, sofa cushions, stairs, playground equp. Then you won't get so much houdini in the cot. They will be knackered in a good way, and climbing part of brain fulfilled.

Physical Frustration and mental overtiredness can often increase tantrums btw.

I personally wouldn’t let him mess round for 2 hours. 30 minutes maximum then up and in the pushchair.
On the bed front I would go for a normal single bed with a 3/4 size duvet (summer tog). Thick pyjamas in case he kicks it off. I tuck the covers in so they get the feeling they can’t move. Do not carry on sitting with him till he goes to sleep. Get a video monitor if you’re worried about what he is up to. You will be sitting on the stairs a lot for the first week. Every time he gets up put him to bed with “time to sleep go back to bed”.

On the anger, we all get angry it’s perfectly normal and I’d rather you express it in a supportive environment like this rather than tell you hate him. Toddlers test us. The reason they’re cute is so we don’t sling them to the nearest wolf.

Parenting is hard... these years are so testing but you do get through it. Around 6-9 they’re nice again then they hit puberty and you’re back to square one!!

It isn't defiance. He is a toddler, it's is your problem he doesn't want to sleep not his iyswim.
However, as you are his mum, obv and you need a break, I certainly did, to function, and toddlers eventually will crash at "wrong time" which drives one insane, just write today off and start again tmw.
Maybe go to bed together and listen to a monotonous story tape at nap time. Spend whole morning outside in fresh air. Stop thinking he is deliberately trying to spite you.

And make sure you are getting vitamin d, b and iron. I was vitamin d deficient and felt dreadful/anxious. And exhausted and overwhelmed too. But take a step back.

I have two friends who are highly intelligent and wonderful mothers, all their children grownup now teachers, architects etc and both used to have to drive around with third child in the car to get him to sleep as a toddler, and wait for it, resort to parking car, and sit with child in car seat for an hour. One used to put the child in a stationary car in the car seat and he would drop off aged two and half without her even turning on the ignition..
But needs must!!

Honestly just keep him in a cot. There is no point putting him in a bed if it’s going to stress you out.

We tried Ds1 in a bed last Christmas while at my in laws. He was 2.5 at the time. It was hell. He wouldn’t nap, wouldn’t stay in bed in the evening, ran around the room until he passed out at about 11pm the whole time we were there.

At home I waited until after he had turned 3, had dropped his nap and understood he needed to stay in there in the evening. It was fine, he now loves his bed and goes down no problem. That 6 months made all the difference and he was ready.

You can get a cot from ikea for the new baby for about £50 or look on fb marketplace for a second hand one.

What I found as the baby grew up is that the nighttime routine had to change with them. Has he a proper routine with signals or cues that tell him it's heading towards bed time? Like a bath or a story? Or a special set of lullaby tunes or story audio dvds that you only play at night time.
Maybe if you DH is home every evening he could put him to bed.
Also watch your tone of voice. Even if you are annoyed, use soft kindly reassuring tones.
If he detects annoyance or anger then he may be unsettled and seeking proximity and wanting to be near you.
If he sees you are upset or anxious he may try antics to make you laugh because he likes your happy smiling face better than your angry annoyed face.

My little one always hated his cot so we got him a bed early but it’s a Montessori house style and he never leaves it even when he wakes she just shouts out for us.