How to divide bills fairly...

[Newbiemum20]

Hi everyone, first time posting so here goes...

Just wondering what everyone's take is on how to best split me and my DH's shared monthly costs. Planning for when my normal wage resumes after going back after mat leave.

Our total household bills will come to £2k, that includes: mortgage, all bills (water, gas, council tax, TV subscriptions etc.), groceries and childcare costs each month.

Plus, we need to service some debt at around £300 per month. So really let's say £2300.

My husband earns around £800 per month more than me. How would you split this so that I still feel I'm paying my way and contributing fairly but that at the same time still have a fair amount of disposable income for ourselves.

What do you think.. AIBU to say a split of:

Me: £900 // DH: £1400

I worked really hard for my career and have a much higher paying job than DH. All house bills are split equally. I buy the food and pay the childcare. I have more spending money because ive earnt it 🤷‍♀️ I don't agree in splitting bills so that people have equal amounts of spending money?
Social workers and nurses and head teachers for that matter work bloody hard. Let’s stop pretending that salaries are solely reflective of work put in. My dh and I share everything because we see each other as equal. If I quit work we would still share everything.

The way I worked it out was list every single bill/expense/outgoing inc savings. Then add incomes together then deduct above figure. The amount left split as spending between the two.

If you're married and have a family I would suggest both paying everything into one account and everything comes out of there in both your names.
You could each get a spending allowance of e.h £200 pcm for whatever you like.

Depends how much you both earn. Add you monthly incomes together. Divide your income by that number. That's what percentage you should pay.
Example
You earn 1000
He earns 2000
1000/3000=0.33 percentage you pay
0.33x2300=759 what you should pay if expenditure is £2300

We both get paid into the same account. All bills come out of that account , we put money away into joint savings each month and we both spend what we want from it.

I honestly don't know how married couples can be arsed splitting money. I also don't see how couples with a huge difference in salaries can watch the other struggle while they're comfy. My husband is my partner in life and in raising a child, everything is pooled.

@Newbiemum20

Thanks everyone, it's really interesting to hear the different points of view. Personally I wouldn't be comfortable putting everything I earn into a joint account. Of course my DH wouldnt begrudge or judge any frivolous spending, but I feel like it's nice to have your own seperate account that contains money that is just for you and yours to do what you want with, e.g I don't have to feel guilty if I have a bit of a clothes splurge!

The debt is shared as it was used in part to cover additional costs associated with a kitchen Reno.

Also, as we will be both working full time, domestic duties will be shared. (Haha I'll be making dam sure!)

I understand about what people are saying about having exactly the same amount of disposable income, but worried this could cause resentment with OH as his job is more stressful and if he's progressed further up the career ladder than me (same profession, just purely because he's got years on me), surely it's right he has a little more for extra treats for himself.

DH earns double what I do, and that discrepancy is only likely to widen. I don’t feel in the least guilty if I have a clothes splurge from our joint account, why should I? I spend a lot more socialising (in normal times) than he does either. But he could spend more if he wanted to of course.

I don’t think I’d want to be married to someone who thought they deserved extra treats because they earned more and resented me for buying thing just because I earned less. I can’t imagine DH thinking that way. There’s more to equality in a marriage than equal earnings, I contribute plenty that isn’t financial (though I do all our money management so that’s a financial contribution). We both want the other to have equally nice things, and nice times.

@Punkpumpkin

We pay everything in to a joint account then each get an equal amount of spending money transferred in to our own personal accounts.

To me this is the fairest way.

We do this too

We each have our own accounts that our salaries are paid into. Then we each contribute into a joint account for bills etc. We both earn pretty much the same amount, but if we didn't I think the fairest thing would be the make sure we each have the same amount left in our personal accounts for individual spends.

So what if your husband has a more stressful job? Surely you're contributing too? What if suddenly you're having a more stressful time looking after your child, does that mean you should get more? No. You're a joint unit now, you should be pooling your resources.

Equal amounts of fun money. Everything else is shared.

No, it’s not right that your DH has extra disposable income. You share a child. He is only able to move up that ladder because you were the one who got pregnant and took maternity leave.

To me children make a difference.

Before kids: both have had equal opportunity to work hard, choose a well paid career, earn money etc. Ideally you would try to split bills etc fairly equally, however in reality the better paid person will often want things like a larger house. On that basis, its fairest to contribute on a ratio of post tax pay eg
Person one has 800 post tax, person two has 1200. Bills are 1000. Person one pays 40%, person two pays 60%.

However when you have had kids, one person is usually making career/earnings sacrifices to facilitate the other, by doing the lions share of childcare responsibilities. At that stage concepts of his/hers money go by the way side. It's fine to have separate bank accounts but all money should be shared, unless you each earn so much you can comfortably afford everything without mixing everything up.

This isn’t a dig - but I’ll never understand this.

My husband earns approx 15 times more than me a year. But we share - it’s a split pot

This made me laugh a little. There's a saying I came across in another context, "it is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!"

(The context was active fund managers not understanding the advantages of indexing.)

(Not meaning to imply I disagree with your financial arrangements, it's just your wording that made me laugh.)