How to divide bills fairly...

[Newbiemum20]

Hi everyone, first time posting so here goes...

Just wondering what everyone's take is on how to best split me and my DH's shared monthly costs. Planning for when my normal wage resumes after going back after mat leave.

Our total household bills will come to £2k, that includes: mortgage, all bills (water, gas, council tax, TV subscriptions etc.), groceries and childcare costs each month.

Plus, we need to service some debt at around £300 per month. So really let's say £2300.

My husband earns around £800 per month more than me. How would you split this so that I still feel I'm paying my way and contributing fairly but that at the same time still have a fair amount of disposable income for ourselves.

What do you think.. AIBU to say a split of:

Me: £900 // DH: £1400

@Newbiemum20

I know we need to eventually set up a joint account but at the moment it's just so much hassle to transfer all those direct debits across and change

It doesn't take anything, they do it all for you. Welcome to the modern age of banking they set up the new account and they move all your direct debits etc and they move any balance over.

I set up a Monzo bank account in 2019 because Ds1 was starting sixth form so I needed to be able to transfer money to him easily. I applied using their app, showed my passport, did a video and I had a new bank account!

I am not saying get a Monzo account but banking has become so much easier.

You should pay half the household bills. Then other bills should be up for discussion eg food and childcare? Whose responsible for the debt? If it's one persons then that should be reflected in the split?

I worked really hard for my career and have a much higher paying job than DH. All house bills are split equally. I buy the food and pay the childcare. I have more spending money because ive earnt it 🤷‍♀️ I don't agree in splitting bills so that people have equal amounts of spending money?

Everything gets paid into and out of one joint account, we’re married it’s all shared

Same here - I just can't imagine it working any other way.

I worked part-time when our children were younger and my career opportunities were limited, my DH progressed in his full-time job and now earns 2.5x more than I do (were were in the same professional career). Should he have more spending money than me now that our children have grown up?

I don't think either of us has ever considered our money to mine/his - we're a family with family assets and family plans. Why get married if you want to have a different lifestyle to your spouse?

We just put it all in the same pot and it's all shared. Before we got married we had separate accounts and paid 50-50 but after marriage we joined them together.

My grandparents who would have been in their 90s now always had separate money- they were so strict with it they had to pay each other back if one of them had bought milk and it wasn't their turn.

@Punkpumpkin

We pay everything in to a joint account then each get an equal amount of spending money transferred in to our own personal accounts.

To me this is the fairest way.

This is exactly how we do it too, so we have the same amount of spending money each. For context we have two kids, a mortgage and no children from previous relationships.

This isn’t a dig - but I’ll never understand this.

My husband earns approx 15 times more than me a year. But we share - it’s a split pot.

Why don't you just pool all money into an account together, pay bills out of it and TALK to each other about anything extra?

Crazy idea, but talking to each other can be done.

[quote OnTheBenchOfDoom]@Newbiemum20

I know we need to eventually set up a joint account but at the moment it's just so much hassle to transfer all those direct debits across and change

It doesn't take anything, they do it all for you. Welcome to the modern age of banking they set up the new account and they move all your direct debits etc and they move any balance over.

I set up a Monzo bank account in 2019 because Ds1 was starting sixth form so I needed to be able to transfer money to him easily. I applied using their app, showed my passport, did a video and I had a new bank account!

I am not saying get a Monzo account but banking has become so much easier.[/quote]
I'm glad you said this, I've opened loads of bank accounts over the years to benefit from all the free money/cash back/high interest rates etc & it's remarkably easy.

Check out money saving expert & you can find a bank account with loads of benefits as well

Thanks everyone, it's really interesting to hear the different points of view. Personally I wouldn't be comfortable putting everything I earn into a joint account. Of course my DH wouldnt begrudge or judge any frivolous spending, but I feel like it's nice to have your own seperate account that contains money that is just for you and yours to do what you want with, e.g I don't have to feel guilty if I have a bit of a clothes splurge!

The debt is shared as it was used in part to cover additional costs associated with a kitchen Reno.

Also, as we will be both working full time, domestic duties will be shared. (Haha I'll be making dam sure!)

I understand about what people are saying about having exactly the same amount of disposable income, but worried this could cause resentment with OH as his job is more stressful and if he's progressed further up the career ladder than me (same profession, just purely because he's got years on me), surely it's right he has a little more for extra treats for himself.

in 2018 did I have some I inheritance that I paid in to the house so the mortgage is in both our names.
I hope the deeds are in both your names, not just the mortgage.

If you're going down the separate money route then no, it's not fair that your DH pays in £500 a month than you, when he earns £800 more than you.

You should pay £1000 and him £1300.

DH and I have completely joint accounts, he earns 5x what I do and it all goes into shared correct accounts and shared savings.

I know we need to eventually set up a joint account but at the moment it's just so much hassle to transfer all those direct debits across and change

It's really not, the bank does it all for you.

When I was married we had three bank accounts - one joint which all our income went into, then one each in our own names (same bank) - we had a direct debit for a set amount which went into those each month. Anything to do with the children came out of the joint account.

We just pool and share all monies

It takes a matter of minutes to transfer the direct debits, but you could make your husband's account the joint one, so you'd keep the direct debits going out of that, then open a new one for each of you for the transferred spending money.

Oh and all bills including transport went out of the joint account.

We get paid into one account, take out enough to cover joint expenses (groceries, meals out, things for the children) and put this into another account. We then split what’s left and put into our own accounts to spend as we please. This covers my own things such as haircuts, makeup, hair stuff, clothes, drinks out with friends (when that was a thing pre covid!)
Suppose it works well because we earn roughly the same.

@HollowTalk

It takes a matter of minutes to transfer the direct debits, but you could make your husband's account the joint one, so you'd keep the direct debits going out of that, then open a new one for each of you for the transferred spending money.

I'll make it my mission to get that sorted this weekend. OH was moaning saying how much of a faff it would be, but by the sounds of it they do it all for you, which TBH I have no clue how it all works.

OP, for goodness sake do not open a joint account and have both of your wages paid into it. It’s okay while everything is fine and dandy, but if he finds an OW or turns violent you’re then stuck with a load of admin hassle trying to establish financial independence. And he could spend all your money. It’s not nice to think about, and everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, but a day or so on Mumsnet will show you that plenty of happy relationships turn sour, and it is usually the woman being left high and dry.

Keep having your wages paid into your own private account (and encourage him to do the same), then set up a joint account to handle your bills and other expenses.

All paid into the joint account, where all the direct debits sit. An equal sum goes out by standing order into our sole name accounts for our personal spending. At the end of the month one of us looks at what is left before the salaries get paid in again and transfers it out into the joint savings (holiday fund!) account. Our salaries have varied over the years, sometimes he's earned more, sometimes me. It made no difference to personal disposable income, we've always had exactly the same.

Everything goes into our joint salary wise. Then we transfer fun money into our own separate accounts.

@ivfbeenbusy

I worked really hard for my career and have a much higher paying job than DH. All house bills are split equally. I buy the food and pay the childcare. I have more spending money because ive earnt it 🤷‍♀️ I don't agree in splitting bills so that people have equal amounts of spending money?

i completely agree but i am normally in the minority on these type of threads. If my DP wants more spending money, he needs to earn more money. I tend to pay for things throughout the month anyway. Byt i like the security of having control over my money. And as a pp said, i would never have money paid into a joint account, they could literally empty the account and there is nothing you can do!

We put everything in a joint account except for a set amount of spends each (same regardless of how much we each earn as at times we've each earned more). Works for us.

Marriage is a partnership ,in my experience money was pooled and once all bills paid any excess was split evenly , as the higher earner I couldn’t have loads of disposable and watch my partner scrape bye

@Lazypuppy

I get that view point, and sort of think similarly. I don't think we should have equal spending money as a figure, but I do think it should be proportionally equal... if your Bill's are 1800 and your half is 50% of your salary - 900 but 900 is 90% of your partners, I don't think that's particularly fair or conducive to a equal partnership. You both should be able have an equal percentage of your salary to yourself. So might have to put in 75% of your salary, and only have 450 to spend, but you'd still have more than your partner, who'd have proportionally equal, 250 of theirs.

As a partnership you determine your standard of living, and both should feel better off from being together. Ultimately the higher salary still does benefit from the income the lower earner brings in regardless of how much or little it is. Its unfair to dictate a lifestyle with outgoings of (using the numbers above) 1800, while expecting the other to stump up half of that....when you alone could just afford 1800.

I do think if circumstances change, or one has reduced their earnings 'for the family' by working part time, or not at all, or a temporary decrease for maternity leave. Then at that point, I think its needs to be fair completely, as it should not be a debate over if someone is 'worth' more or less for going to work at a job or working in the home.

We pay all bills, savings, annual costs etc. Then have a joint pot for family spending and individual accounts with equal money to do whatever we want with. I'm a SAHM now, but even when I was working, my husband out earned by about 5 times, so there was a huge difference in take home pay.

We have some close friends who are married, but keep their own money. It's very odd to watch them "owe" each other for a takeaway for example, but I always shrugged it off as it seemed to work for them. Until I found out my friend was getting into debt to try and keep up with her husband's spending as he earned more than her. Trying to pay 50/50 for holidays she couldn't afford, a mortgage she couldn't afford etc. He was happy to share as it turned out, but she was desperate to be seen to be paying her way - to her detriment as it turned out.

A marriage is a partnership and should be an equal one. This is hard to maintain through financial inequality.

If you don't want to share money equally, then make sure that your joint lifestyle is based on what you can afford and not him.