House deposit 50/50

[kleew1]

Myself and partner currently stay in his flat and i rent mine out (his is 4x more valuable and he earns 65k and i earn 12k a year). One dc who is a toddler.

Talking about a home in future, he said we will both put in 50/50 and he doesn't see why he should put in more.

As im typing this i realise iabu BUT why would you not want what's best for your child and the family home, contributing more if you have it?

Initially he said he would sell this flat due to tax involved rather than keeping it on and renting. Now as ive said he should really contribute more to get a better home (even getting it written into a contract) he's decided he will now keep this flat on.

Am i being unreasonable? I can't tell. I just think it's selfish of him.

No he is being very unreasonable.

It should be split fairly by your incomes and assets so you are both giving the same proportion or relative amount in, not exact same absolute amount in.

So if you sell your flats for a home deposit, you both sell and he contributes £4 to your £1 as his flat is worth 4x yours.

In addition, for mortgage payments in new house, he should pay 83% and you 17% because his income is more than 12x your income. This adjusts as/when your incomes change.

*oops, his income is more than 6x yours, no idea why I wrote 12x.

He is being ridiculous - just to clarify it’s both your child right?

How long have you been together ?

Do you earn less as you work less hours and/or responsibility to provide for your child?

If so, he is being very unreasonable. I would make plans for a separate financial future, including requiring him to increase his child care hours, him paying half childcare costs, and you looking for more work.

He doesn't see you as a joint unit with a joint future.

Me and my ex did this.
It crippled me financially. It was not fair him swanning about ina flash car whilst I struggled to buy lunch.

It should be pooled especially as you have children, presumably your lower wage enables you to work more around the dc? So your subbing him essentially.

This would be a red flag to moving in with someone now.

Yes dc both ours. So frustrating. Long term my wage will go up, currently a part time student. I think he feels he's earned that money and got himself into this flat. Also makes comments like 'ill be lucky to have 30k' TALKING ABSOLUTE RUBBISH. Really a massive turn off. Grrr.

I’m guessing you work part time and provide child care and you are not married.
In your shoes I’d get back to work full time. Then assess what you do regarding buying a house.

You are in a really vulnerable position and he is showing that he has no appreciation for the unpaid work you do. How is it intended you split the mortgage repayments.

If he wants things to be 50-50 this should be everything including all the unpaid childcare cooking and cleaning. He is not treating you as a family unit. You need the same opportunities to protect your financial position that he has

And yes he is being incredibly selfish

Are you saying that you want him to sell his place, put all the equity and more into a new place, with you putting a lot less for a property owned 50/50 whilst you get to keep your flat?

That would be very unreasonable.

Ultimately, you have a child together but are not married, so you are not fully committed financially from a legal perspective.

I work 18 hours and Im a student. Not meaning to drip feed. We go 50/50 on childcare costs (dc in 4 days and watched by mil 1 day but not when im off uni as dc is term time) I do drop offs every day, he does pick ups 2 of 5 days (as i work nights). He also watches dc on a Saturday as i work all day.

If the child is both yours he is being insane!

I have only ever been a poorly paid family solicitor - if my husband said I could only use the part of the house I’ve contributed to I would be living in the shed!

He sounds awful - how can you split everything when you earn 12k.

He sees you as separate, not a bonded family. Don't let go of that flat, you may need it.

Well he has told you what he wants/expects. Sounds unreasonable to me. However what can you do about it? Is there any possibility of compromise? Otherwise the alternative is to call it a day, move back into your flat with your child, set up a 50:50 and ask him for child support. You will probably be better off without him and his assets.

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet exactly what i said to him... Then a discussion ensued that the 4% tax on 2nd properties would be split 50/50. Sitting getting more and more annoyed here!!

I've said this so many times on here, but it shocks me how people are about money when they're earning unevenly. For one reason and other, me and DP have switched a few times during our relationship with regards to who is earning the most.

We see our income as a joint pot, from which all bills and essentials get paid. We do each have our own savings, and money left over for our own little bits and bobs, but everything's covered between us. It's never an issue of you pay this, it's your turn etc. It's more like if we're doing the shopping we take the card of whoever has the most to spare at that point, same when we get takeaways or book hotels etc. I don't see why everyone is so clinical about money and wanting to split things 50/50. It doesn't work like that.

Yes, I'm earning practically nothing thanks to covid at the moment, but DP would never ever rub that in my face, and plus I've used a lot of my new-found free time to completely de-clutter the house, get the garden sorted and lots of other bits and bobs that we just don't normally have the time to do. I'm keeping on top of the housework, shopping and cooking, and despite the obvious worry of currently having no income, this lifestyle suits both of us!!

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

How long were you together pre kids?

Yet another thread about how men's money is family money and women's money is their own money. How many of these have there been in the few days.

He's not committed to you. That's why you're not legally joined together, and why your money and his money isn't pooled together.

TBH I wouldn't want to hand over the equity in property to someone I wasn't committed to. It's horrible, but its the truth. If he was fully committed, he'd be sharing everything equally, and putting measures in place to protect you financially.

The best thing that you can do to protect yourself is get back to work full time and work your way up the career ladder to provide a good income for yourself. Childcare costs (and anything else needed for your joint child) should be split equally between the two of you.

Given you are not married it would make sense to stay as you are and retain your own properties and going 50/50 on bills and food.

If you buy together then I’d agree with him 50/50 or he puts more in a deed of trust to protect the higher deposit.

I’d not advise any of mine to put far more in than a bf/gf without adequate financial protection. Neither would I encourage them to buy somewhere whilst one was still a student though.

in our house we pool the total income, be it when we are both working, or only one of us as is frequently the case.
We take out all the usual suspects ie mortgage, bills, food, savings (and school fees/holiday fund) and then split more or less evenly what's left.
I don't know why all couples, especially those with children, don't do this.

Mean with money, mean with love. I can guess why you're not married.

I'd say don't get into a long term financial commitment with this person. Don't buy a new property together. Stay as you are with you each owning a flat.

Make sure you keep your flat. Do not sell it under any circumstances. I suspect he might want you to sell to fund your share of the deposit and that will leave you even more vulnerable than you already are.

Continue to let it out and get as much of the mortgage as possible paid off from the rent you receive. Being completely frank you and your DC may need that flat to live in if this relationship fails.

Don't do it until you are married!